


The Grey Castle

by ShippersList



Series: The Northern Totems [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha Dean, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Arranged Marriage, Beta Sam, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Knotting, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mental Breakdown, Minor Character Death, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Mutual Pining, Omega Castiel, Omega Verse, Panic Attacks, Self-Acceptance, Self-Hatred, Self-Worth Issues, Self-blaming, Suicide Attempt, The Northern Totems, Totem animals, True Mates, made-up mythology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-19
Updated: 2015-03-07
Packaged: 2018-02-22 13:29:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 59,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2509478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShippersList/pseuds/ShippersList
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Castiel travels North to an arranged marriage he did not consent to, he really thinks his life as an independent individual is over and he will be reduced into a breeding mare.<br/>In the North, the Lord of Grey Castle awaits for the mate his father arranged for him, hoping that he will be good enough of an alpha for his omega.</p><p>Neither of them is prepared for what will actually happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fall

**Author's Note:**

> The totem animals are heavily inspired by the Daimons by Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials -trilogy and Spirit Animals by sentinel/guide JohnLock-fics by [Hisstah](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Hisstah).
> 
> Absolutely gorgeous fan art by [british_sarcasm](http://sarcastic-sketches.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> This work was inspired by Symphony No.3 of Jean Sibelius. Spotify links included in the chapter notes.
> 
> Betaed by the all-wonderful [Naoe](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Naoe). :}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music:  
> [Jean Sibelius: Symphony No 3 in C major, Op 52: I. Allegro Moderato](http://open.spotify.com/track/6DhwVt4tYygFlZevjp0UIu)

 

 

* * *

 

The whole castle was in a scurry. Each and every person was doing their part; cleaning the castle and the yard, changing fresh linens to the bedrooms and putting clean cloths to the tables. The great kitchen looked like it was hit by a hurricane as Matron Ellen managed the preparations for harvest and the eventual bonding feast. Everything was going as planned, ever since they got the message delivered by carrier pigeon.

Dean strode through the hallways, trying to look busy and important, his wolf trailing lazily behind him. They had already been thrown out from the kitchen by Ellen's lynx, who promptly bared her teeth at them before continuing her napping in front of the kitchen door, effectively in the way of everyone. Not that she actually cared: Ellen's totem had always been as unimpressed by everyone as Ellen herself.

The message had come three days ago, informing the Lord or Grey Castle that his omega was on his way. They had been preparing the whole summer, stocking and planning for the eventual bonding feast. The marriage had been the last act of Dean's father, who had made the arrangements for his firstborn son to have a proper mate and to ensure the chance of an heir and the safety of the clan. The deal had been for the omega to stop in Maple Falls and stay at The Goose and The Boar Inn, in the care of the pert beta Innkeeper Mills. She had agreed to send the pigeons when the omega's entourage departed for the final part of their journey.

 _Three days_. That meant the entourage should arrive soon, today or tomorrow, depending on their speed and the size of the party. Grey Castle was a remote place, the nearest town being Maple Falls, a three-day riding distance, or two, if you rode the horse day and night and were prepared to nearly kill it in the process.

Dean felt fidgety. He had no idea what his future mate was like, only that he was, in fact, a he. And that had been revealed in Matron Mills's note: a male omega, that was. Dean had never been with a man, as male omegas were a bit of a rarity in the North, nor he had ever held any interest in male partners before. And now he was to marry one. He would, of course: it was his father's dying wish, not to mention his obligation as the Lord of Grey Castle. If his brother was inclined to mate and produce an heir, things might have been different. But they weren't.

When his wolf unceremoniously poked him in the ass with his snout, Dean realized he had stopped in the middle of the hallway, lost in thought. He glanced up and saw his brother hurry towards him, grinning widely.

"Dean, they're here!" He said, excited.

Dean raised his brow at him. "Sam, define 'here,'" he responded amusedly. Sam had the ability to send his totem further than any other Northerner ever, and his 'here' was usually not the same as others.

Sam closed his eyes and concentrated for a while. "The forest path before the bridge," he said a bit sheepishly. Dean huffed a laugh. "Here, indeed. It's going to take some time for them to arrive here, as in the actual here, this time." The bridge was an hour away, and the party wasn't even there yet.

His wolf nudged his hand, radiating impatient eagerness. "Yes, I thought that too," Dean said approvingly. "Go and wait for them. Maybe you should call the camel on your way out?" He grinned at the eye-roll he earned with the nickname. His wolf gave him a clear mental finger before he loped out.

"One day Bobby's gonna have your hide for that." Sam commented dryly. Dean grinned.

"Maybe, but not today. Can't look fugly in front of my betrothed, can I?"

"As if having your hide would change things for the worst," Sam snorted, earning a shove on the shoulder from Dean. They walked in companionable silence for a while, heading for the courtyard.

"How are you feeling?" Sam asked, after a while.

Dean sighed. "Honestly? I don't know. I don't know anything about him, and I don't believe he knows anything about me either. All I know is that he's an omega and the youngest son of an old family somewhere in the South. But I don't even know how old he is; he might be fourteen or forty! All I'm guaranteed is that he's healthy and at breeding age." He stopped to lean against the wall and rubbed his face.

"He's left his home, traveled weeks across the country to get to me. He's supposed to be my bondmate, carry my pups and share my life. I've no idea if he actually consented to coming here. I know that after the mating ceremony and my claim, his body will go into heat and accept me. I can only hope that with time, he will accept me, too."

Sam watched him with a sympathy. He was a highly spiritual beta, and probably never going to take a mate. But it didn't mean he couldn't feel for his brother. Dean was a lot more sensitive and emotional than he gave out, and Sam sincerely hoped this marriage would work out.

 

* * *

 

Castiel was miserable. His bones ached, he was cold all over, and the constant swaying of the carriage made him nauseous. They had been travelling for almost three weeks now, and he was so sick of it. Fortunately, instead of a hurried overnight stop as usual, they had stopped for a full two days in a small town of... Maples? Or something. They had stayed at an inn with a stupid name that Castiel didn't bother to try remembering. The innkeeper had been a nice enough, but probably only because she had known who he was.

It had all started nearly two years ago. Castiel's mother, Naomi, had received a letter, and the absurdity of it had almost made them forget the actual message. Of course it hadn't been for his mother to read, but for the family alpha, who, because of their father being deceased, was his oldest brother, Michael.

It had been a proposal for marriage. For Castiel. It had been almost as big a surprise, as a letter addressed to an omega.

Nobody had ever thought that Castiel would marry. He wasn't ugly, dim-witted, or sickly; he was far worse. He was willful, spoke his mind, and he was proud. He had these naïve thoughts of choosing his own mate and living in equality. He had no respect for the traditional role of an omega, and harbored an unhealthy affection for a thing called "free will."

In other words, his family couldn't believe their good fortune. If someone wanted Castiel, they would send them Castiel, even if it meant travelling across the whole country, up North, to be mated off to some lordling no-one had ever heard of.

Castiel's family had been ready to put him on his way immediately, but luckily for him (for once), there were things to settle before they could get rid of him. The negotiations had taken a year, carrier pigeons moving back and forth, before an official representative of Grey Castle had appeared to sign off on the marriage contract. Of course, Castiel had not been present. He was an omega, and his traditional family believed he was to do as he was told. Castiel had been able to sneak a glance of the representative though, a big bulking dark man (an alpha, he believed), his totem, a buzzard, sitting on his shoulder. The alpha had not seen Castiel, but the buzzard had turned his head to his direction, and something had passed between him and Castiel's ermine.

It had been decided that Castiel would be off at the beginning of fall, although nobody bothered to inform him. Grey Castle would be unreachable during the winter, and his family obviously hadn't wanted to wait another year. The plans had been revealed to Castiel when the servants had come to pack up his things, along with expensive silks and ornate dishes as a dowry to his mate. He had gone to demand an explanation from his brother, but he had only looked at Castiel with weary eyes, his curly-coated retriever sporting his usual haughty air around him.

"You are leaving tomorrow, Castiel." Michael had said, voice impassive, as if he had been talking about how logs burned in the fireplace.

"How very nice of you to inform me yourself, brother, instead of letting me find out from the maids packing up my stuff." Castiel had answered dryly, cold fury stinging behind the polite words. His ermine had been curled around his neck like a muff.

"Don't be insolent, little brother." Michael had snapped, his totem huffing in indignation.

"This was hardly a surprise, as the negotiations have been ongoing for the past year." His face had softened a little. "I wish you a safe journey, and hope you'll find happiness in your new home."

"I'll probably be too busy breeding to think about happiness, thank you very much." Castiel had hissed with his ermine, and fled from his brother's anger.

He had wandered off to one of the less frequently used balconies of their home. He had lived a sheltered life, practically locked up behind ornate doors, since his family still believed that omegas were fragile things to be cherished and looked after. As the youngest child and an omega, he had always had everything he wished for - except his freedom.

Things had changed in the country, but his family was reluctant to give up its beliefs. Castiel had heard rumors of omegas deciding their own fates and choosing their own mates, but deep down he had known he would never have the same luxury. It hadn't stopped him from pestering his brother about it though.

When a red fox had slipped onto the balcony, he had said "Hello, Gabe." Somehow he had guessed it would be Gabriel sent to placate his delicate omega brother.

"Hi bro." Gabriel had said, more subdued than usual. Castiel's ermine had jumped down from his shoulder and gone to his brother's fox. The totems had shared a silent moment of mutual affection, possibly for the last time.

Gabriel had stood with him, looking at the city below them, not saying a word. For all his brashness and obnoxious ways, his beta brother had always been the one to know when to be silent. And there had been nothing more to say. Everything had been decided; contracts had been signed and trunks packed. Castiel had been told to depart in the early morning. Gabriel had squeezed his hand for a while, sighed, and then he had gone.

The next morning, servants had loaded Castiel's trunks into the carriage, with him watching silently. None of his brothers had shown up, but he had expected nothing less. Sentiment over an omega, even their own brother, had never been a thing in their household.

What had surprised him though, had been his mother. She had glided to him, immaculately dressed in the early morning, her dragonfly totem sparkling in her hair, where her wings caught the first rays of sunshine. Her mother had always carried her totem like an accessory, as was customary for the omegas in her family line.

"I wish you well, Castiel," she had said. "Obey your alpha, and try to find contentment in yourself."

Castiel had looked at her for a while before he had asked. "Like you have done?" His mother had not answered, but had kissed his forehead gently, before saying, "Goodbye, Castiel." And then she had turned and walked inside.

Castiel had started his journey to his new family alone, with two of his household's most trusted alpha guards accompanying him. His travel route had been predefined, and the inns along the way had been notified prior to his arrival. The deal had been that the innkeepers would send carrier pigeons informing his brother of his safe arrival, except for the last one: that innkeeper would inform his future mate of his impending arrival.

That had happened two and half days ago. When they had arrived in... Maples... whatever, they had been directed to the funny-named inn, where he had met the dark-skinned man, who had brought Castiel's marriage contract for Michael to sign. His buzzard had been nowhere in sight, which had made Castiel uneasy. The man, an alpha as Castiel had correctly guessed, had introduced himself as Rufus, and told him that he would be accompanying Castiel for the rest of the way. Castiel had graciously thanked him, although it was all the same for him, whether Rufus was there or not.

Three days. Rufus had said it would take them three days to travel from the town to Grey Castle. It was already past noon, and there was nothing to be seen. The weather had grown steadily chillier the further north they had travelled. The road was a packed dirt road in reasonably good condition, and wide enough for two carriages to go side-by-side. It was not as wide as the roads in the South, but it was better than Castiel had expected.

He leaned out from the carriage window, to get a better look at the forest around them. There had been a couple of farms after the town, but for a while now there had been only trees: pines, spruces, maples, birches, and ashes. It was a lot nicer and bigger forest than the ones in the South. The leaves were showing signs of different shades of yellow, orange and red, painting the forest in beautiful colors. Autumn was rushing in here, whereas, when he had left, it had still been summer in the South.

Castiel saw a white shape fly over his head, and he glanced up. It was a magnificent white owl that circled lazily over them for a while, before it was briefly joined with a buzzard. Castiel realized that the buzzard was Rufus's totem, which meant that the owl must be an another Northerner's totem.

"Are you okay there, lad?" Rufus's gruff voice took Castiel by surprise, as he hadn't noticed him riding closer.

"Um. Yes. Thank you, sir," he answered. He wasn't sure how to react to the obvious lack of titles.

"No sirs here, lad. We don't care much of the titles here, anyway. Value of a person is defined by their character, not their title. Or gender," he added, with a sidelong gaze. Castiel didn't know what to think about that, either, so he sat back in his seat and tried to relax.

He had been tempted to ask Rufus about his future mate, the Lord of Grey Castle, but he had thought it would have been too forward. He didn't want to come across as an overeager omega, begging for information about his alpha. And he had to admit that he was a little intimidated by his companion, not that Rufus ever gave him an actual reason to, but Castiel couldn't help it. Rufus was nothing like any alpha he had ever met: he didn't coddle Castiel or treat him like a delicate thing he had been told he was. He didn't talk much, but instead of a haughty and forced silence, it was a companionable and easy. It was weird.

And of course, the thing with his totem. Castiel hadn't seen his buzzard at all, apart from short glimpses and the meeting with the owl. It wasn't natural for a totem to stay out of sight as the buzzard did, yet Rufus showed no signs of distress about their distance.

Castiel was drawn from his musings, when the carriage lurched to a halt. He peeked out from the window to see if there was something to be worried about, but there was nothing. Rufus rode to him, and said, amusedly, "Seems like we've got a welcoming party." He beckoned Castiel to come out from the carriage. Castiel opened the door, a bit hesitantly, his ermine snugly around his neck, and stepped down.

There was an elk standing before a small bridge. An actual elk. It was a magnificent beast, its massive horns spreading wider than Castiel could spread his hands. It stood completely still, watching them, as if it was waiting for something. While Castiel gaped, a shadow moved behind the elk. A huge grey wolf walked with an easy grace to sit beside the elk, and it dawned on Castiel that he was looking at two totems.

"Go on," Rufus said. Castiel turned to look at him, bewildered.

"What?" He asked.

"Go. On. He wants to meet you." Rufus's voice was a bit annoyed, as if he thought the omega was a little slow. He waved his hand impatiently, like it was completely normal for two totems to be there with no sight of their humans.

Castiel swallowed, squared his shoulders, and started to walk towards the totems. He had only gone a couple of steps when the white owl flew over his head and landed on the elk's horn. Castiel nearly wet himself out of shock, but was glad he showed only a small flinch outwards.

It was a nerve-wracking walk. The three totems stared him with a great interest, like they were evaluating him. Castiel had never been under such scrutiny before, and, frankly, it was a little overwhelming. He was determined not to let it show, though. When there was only a short distance between them, Castiel stopped. He wasn't sure how to proceed: whether he was supposed to say or do something. The wolf (that was definitely a male) rose from his haunches and walked to Castiel, staring at him with piercing green eyes. He radiated power, and Castiel's omega instincts made him sink to his knees and bare his neck. It wasn't something he had planned, but meeting his alpha's totem here, alone, was also something he hadn't planned. And since he didn't know anything of the customs of the Northerners, he decided to play it safe.

What he didn't expect was the lick.

Several things happened at once: Castiel scrambled back with a muffled cry, his ermine shot out from around his neck to hiss at the wolf, and Rufus burst out laughing.

And then Castiel realized, he was sitting on the ground, while his totem had just hissed at and defied his alpha's totem.

 

* * *

 

A jolt of appreciation, surprise, and amusement surged from his wolf to Dean, and he stopped in his tracks. _What just happened?_ He glanced at Sam, who looked at him with a raised brow.

"Your omega has some spirit." Sam commented.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Care to elaborate? Not all of us can actually see through our totem's eyes, jerk."

Sam grinned. "Your wolf licked him."

Dean blanched. "Oh no," he groaned.

"And then his totem hissed at your wolf's snout. I don't know what he is, but feisty, white, and furry."

"But... licked?" Dean repeated weakly.

"Oh yes."

Dean closed his eyes and sighed. Yes, a totem was an extension of their human's character, but even he knew not to touch a stranger without a permission. And even more importantly, not to let his totem touch a stranger without permission, especially, when said human was not a Northerner and, therefore, unaccustomed to their ways.

He had hoped that his wolf would behave himself, but he should've known better. He sent his annoyance through, and was answered with innocence that was completely fake. It was followed by admiration and satisfaction, which made Dean curious. It seemed that his wolf found his mate agreeable. That was promising at least.

"Should we go and meet them on the way?"

"Do you think it's necessary?"

Necessary? Not as such. But Dean would've very much liked to ride to meet his betrothed and escort him to the castle himself. So he went to the stables and saddled his horse, anticipation thrumming through him, and an amused Sam trailing behind him.

"Coming?"

"Nah." Sam answered. "No need. I can watch you from here, if I want."

Dean snorted and spurred his horse onward. He knew where the party was, and sent a short _-STAY-_ to his wolf, hoping the totem would actually heed his order this time. They had a close connection, not as close as Sam and his owl, of course, but close enough to send short orders and sometimes, even images. Sam's ability to see through his totem's eyes was something that had not happened in centuries, and even here, in the North, people got spooked if they found out. Northerners in general had stronger connections with their totems, which allowed them to be separated for longer times and by greater distances than was usually perceived as normal. Dean could only imagine what his future mate thought of the three totems he had encountered.

He took a shortcut through the woods to get to the bridge faster. The ground was full of fallen leaves even in the forest, and he wondered how his omega was feeling. The North must be very different from the South, even if you didn't think about the peculiar behavior of their totems. Dean didn't know much about the area from where his soon-to-be-mate was from, but he did know that in some Southern areas the omegas were still treated as property. A cherished and treasured property, but still property. He hoped that his omega wouldn't be a soft creature schooled into submission, as softness was something that didn't survive easily in the North.

When he emerged from the forest to the bridge, he was greeted by a very peculiar sight. Bobby's elk was standing before the bridge, Sam's owl sitting on its horn. Dean rolled his eyes at the them. Sam complained to him about calling Bobby's totem a camel, but let his owl to use the elk as his personal branch. The wolf was nowhere to be seen, which could mean anything, really. At best, he would be in the forest somewhere, at worst... he might have actually climbed into the carriage just to spite him.

Sam's owl turned his head 180 degrees to look at Dean, and, as he passed, he quipped a cheery "Say hi to Sam!" to the owl. He stopped to look the elk in the eyes, and said, "You can go, if you wish. There's no need for you to stay. Thank you." The massive totem nodded his head once before he turned to walk slowly to the forest.

Dean heard a soft noise, and turned to look at the carriage. The horses nickered a little, greeting each other, and it had alerted the occupants inside. The carriage swayed a little, as a stocky man with a beard stepped out. Dean felt a momentary lurch somewhere in his chest, as the person was not-at-all what he had thought about. But then he noticed the small hound accompanying him, as well as his posture, and realized, that he was actually looking at a servant. An alpha guard, most likely.

It dawned to him that it might be somewhat rude to greet his betrothed from the horseback, and he hastily dismounted. When he turned to face the carriage again, he saw a young man getting out. He had dark, disarrayed hair and pale olive-hued skin, and when he lifted his head, Dean was met with the bluest eyes he had ever seen.

Appreciation and admiration? Definitely.

He started to walk toward him. The omega stood still, head held high, as he watched Dean approach. When he was right before him, the omega narrowed his eyes slightly before dropping his gaze and bowing his head. When Dean realized what he was about to do, he reached his hand, and gently lifted the omega's chin to meet his eyes.

"I don't want you to kneel or bow to me. I don't need it," he said gently. "I don't know what you've been told or how you've been taught to behave, but we have no use for submission here."

Something flashed in the man's eyes, but before Dean had the chance to ask him, he heard a cough.

"Your wolf licked him." Rufus said from the side of the road with barely contained amusement.

"I know." Dean replied.

He heard a sharp gasp. "How do you know that?" The omega's voice was a deep grovel, completely inappropriate for a young beauty like him, and it sent shivers down Dean's spine.

"Sam told me."

The omega cocked his head in confusion. "Sam?"

Dean smiled slightly. "Did you happen to see a snowy owl on your way? That was my brother's totem." He watched his future mate carefully, as he pondered the answer and its implications. The realization didn't take long.

"That's..." Not normal? Perverted? Dean braced himself for the usual reaction. "...different." The omega commented hesitantly. Dean cocked his brow. Okay, that was new.

"Yes, it is. We Northerners are able to be separated from our totems for a longer time and distance than is usually considered normal. But Sam's abilities surpasses even our normality, as his connection with his owl is deeper than anyone has seen in centuries."

The omega regarded him levelly, so as if to decide if Dean was joking or not. Then he nodded and said, "I see."

Dean felt oddly flustered. "Anyway," he hurried to continue, "Sam's owl saw you coming and he told us. I told him and my wolf to get here to greet you, and apparently they brought the camel along."

"...Camel?"

"Uh, the elk." Dean blushed. "He's my steward's totem. Obviously elks are not like camels, but he's so tall that I can't help but call him that." Wow. Really making an impression on your mate, Dean sighed internally. The omega's lips twitched slightly, but his stare stayed level.

Dean was saved by his wolf loping out from behind Rufus and coming to sit beside him. The omega's furry totem peeked his head up and hissed, before tucking himself back around his human's neck. Dean's wolf grinned widely, his tongue lolling out.

"Would you mind?" Dean asked exasperatedly. "Could you at least pretend to have some manners, instead of acting like a common dog?" The wolf rolled his eyes very obviously, and then stood on all fours and made his way to the omega. He ducked his head slightly, asking for a permission. The omega's totem narrowed his eyes suspiciously (not that Dean could blame him), before gracefully sliding off from around his human's neck and hopping down. He was an ermine, Dean saw, pure white with blue eyes. He moved like he was dancing, smoothly gliding to meet Dean's wolf properly. He was utterly beautiful, and Dean sensed that his wolf enthusiastically agreed.

"My name is Castiel, by the way." The omega said after a moment. Dean blushed again, realizing that he had completely forgotten to introduce himself, as he was too enthralled with his omega and his totem.

"I'm sorry. It seems my manners are as bad as my wolf's. I'm Dean, Lord of Grey Castle. I bid you welcome to my home." He greeted more formally. He stepped forward and took Castiel's hands between his own, and bent slightly to scent him.

 

* * *

 

Well. The Lord of Grey Castle was nothing like Castiel had imagined, although he wasn't sure what he had imagined, exactly. But he was sure it was not the young and absolutely gorgeous alpha that had ridden from the forest. His eyes were deep green, similar to his wolf's, and his voice was silky deep. Not as deep as Castiel's voice, but that would've been just ridiculous.

The fact that his alpha, Dean, didn't want him to kneel and submit almost knocked Castiel to his ass. His tutors had taught him that alphas expected submission, and the omega's most important rule was to submit and show obedience. He had thought that Northerners were savages, but it seemed that on this subject they, or at least Dean, were a lot more civilized than Southerners.

Dean had taken his hands and bent to scent him formally, just a polite whiff that was proper at the first meeting for a pair to be bonded. When his nose brushed Castiel's neck, he shivered despite himself. He felt Dean inhale a bit more sharply than was usual, and, as he withdrew, Castiel saw his cheeks were slightly flushed. When he bent to complete the scenting ritual, he had to hold himself in line not to press his nose completely into Dean's neck. His scent was warm and earthy, with an undertone of nutmeg and pine, and it filled his head with a buzz. When he felt Dean shift slightly, he realized, that he too had scented him a bit too long. He jerked back, blushed in embarrassment, and averted his eyes.

"Your scent is very pleasing." Dean said quietly, smiling at him.

Castiel's throat was dry. "Thank you. I think your scent is very nice, too." He answered a little hoarsely. So, at least their scents were compatible. It would probably make things a lot easier.

Dean raised his brow at his choice of words, but said nothing. He turned to look at their totems instead. Castiel followed his gaze, and his eyes widened in shock. Dean's wolf was lying on his side, letting Castiel's ermine crawl over him and scent him freely. It was an absurd sight, and for a while Castiel thought he was dreaming. An alpha totem submitting completely to an omega totem? It couldn't be real.

Dean had obviously noticed his reaction, as he shrugged with exaggerated nonchalance. "What can I say, he's a puppy and easily impressed." He turned to look at Castiel and asked. "Would you like to ride with me to the castle?"

Castiel considered for a moment. He wanted to say yes, because it had been years since he had ridden, but he wasn't sure if it would be considered proper, as they weren't mated yet. On the other hand he wasn't sure if he was allowed to refuse. He bit his lip, and finally decided to take a risk.

"Yes, please. I'd like that very much."

Dean's face split in a wide smile that made his face even more handsome. "Great!" He exclaimed. "Rufus! We'll ride through the forest to the castle. Can you take care of things in here?"

The older alpha snorted and waved his hand. "Yeah, yeah, off you go. And no funny business, Dean, you know what I mean. And you'll be watched."

Castiel's jaw dropped in amazement. Rufus was not family, but he treated Dean like one, even calling him by his name. Castiel's brothers would've never accepted familiarity like this from a servant of any kind, no matter how old or loyal. Things truly were different in the North.

Dean walked Castiel to his horse and helped him up. He looked around to locate his ermine, and was relieved to spot him running towards him. The ermine climbed deftly up his leg, and crawled into his lap. He watched Dean interact with his wolf, something passing between them, before Dean mounted behind him, and told his wolf to stay near.

Castiel had never ridden like this, pressed against a firm chest, strong arms snugly surrounding him. They rode at a leisurely pace, taking their time, while Dean pointed out the trees and animals around them. After a while Castiel relaxed and leaned onto Dean's chest, resting his head to his shoulder. It was a very nice ride.

After a while they came onto a clearing, when the path emerged from the forest. In front of them was Grey Castle. If you could call a castle cozy, this was it. It wasn't imposing, posh or menacing, but comparatively small, robust and compact instead. There was no moat around it nor a drawbridge, but sturdy stone walls covered in moss. It was more like several houses located on a hill, surrounded by walls, and didn't look like any castle Castiel had previously seen.

He liked it very much.

The snowy owl was slowly circling around over their heads, and he let out a shrill cry that was immediately accompanied by a howl from Dean's wolf. Castiel startled, as he had never before heard totems announce their presence so loudly. Dean tightened his arms around him only very lightly, as if to tell Castiel that he was still there and everything was alright.

"I take it that this is also new to you?"

Castiel nodded, not trusting his voice just yet.

Dean halted his horse to the edge of the forest, and they stayed there for a while, looking at the castle. Castiel could see pennants flapping in the wind and heard voices drifting to them. It seemed like there was quite a lot going on.

"They know we're here, and they probably won't wait for very long before they come and see for themselves. Impatient lot, my people." Dean's voice was fond, and Castiel got a feeling that Dean cared for his people deeply.

The alpha shifted nervously. "I know this must be a lot to take in. You come from a very different world than this." Dean spoke softly and a little hesitantly. "I don't know if you were consulted on any of this, but then, neither was I. I wish to make your life as comfortable as I can, but I'm afraid I'm bound to make mistakes. I hope you have the patience to teach me how to be a proper alpha to you."

Castiel turned as much as he could while saddled in front of Dean, and looked at him, flabbergasted. "Are you serious?" Was all he managed to utter.

Dean frowned confusedly. "Um. Yeah?" It came out as a question.

Castiel turned and for a while he stared at the stone castle that was to be his new home. "Isn't it usually the omega who promises to mold their personality to fit the alpha's wishes?" Castiel couldn't help the trace of bitterness seeping to his tone.

"Northerners rarely do things the 'usual' way, as you will undoubtedly find out." Castiel felt more than heard Dean sigh. "I won't deny that the base agreement in our marriage contract is that you will provide me an heir. But that is the only thing I expect from you. As I said earlier, I don't want or need your submission, and I definitely don't want you to 'mold yourself to fit my wishes,' whatever that means."

Ah. "So basically you mean that as long as I breed for you, you'll leave me be." It came out sharper than he intended, and he felt Dean stiffen.

"I did not purchase you as my breeding mare, and I'm sorry if you think that's all this is. I-." Dean stopped, drew a breath and collected himself. He urged the horse to move and they started towards the castle, Dean's wolf trailing behind them.

"I agreed to take you as my mate, and I intend to treat you as such." Dean's tone was formal and the air around them tense, and Castiel wished he could take back his harsh words. His personal issues were not Dean's fault.

It was a silent ride to the castle, the earlier intimacy and contentment gone.

 

* * *

 

Dean didn't understand how he had gotten it so wrong. He had tried to comfort Castiel and tell him that he wanted to be a good alpha, but for some reason Dean's request for patience had turned into him purchasing Castiel as a breeder, and he had no idea how that happened. He was angry at Castiel's family for his warped education, but mostly he was angry at himself. He had let his mouth run before his mind, again.

Castiel had smelled divine, like cinnamon apples after the rain in a lavender meadow, and it had derailed his brain. He had let himself to imagine, and it had bitten him in the ass. He had wanted to tell Castiel that he wished them to be happy, to have a litter of pups, to grow old together, and it had all came out wrong. The omega had been so relaxed and right in his arms, and he had subtly scented him more, reveling in the smell of home and belonging, only to ruin everything in his eagerness.

He gritted his teeth and tried to get hold of his feelings. Castiel clearly didn't want to be here this was not his choice. His family had pretty much sold him, and Dean had been stupid enough to rub it in his face by mentioning the requirement of an heir. Stupid, _stupid_ alpha brain. He squeezed his eyes shut, and let the horse pick its route home. For a moment Dean felt his wolf's concern and compassion, but he brushed it aside.

He opened his eyes again at the sound of hooves on stone. They had reached the stoned road leading to the castle, and his people and their totems crowded all around them, eager to see their Lord's betrothed and the new Laird of the castle. His wolf, fortunately, had read his mind again, and loped before them to inform Ellen. The castlefolk knew the wolf well enough and the crowd parted before him, letting him through.

Dean could feel Castiel tense inside the circle of his arms as the castlefolk neared them. "Just smile, I'll take care of the talking. They are merely eager to finally see you," he murmured into Castiel's ear, smiling and waving his hand at the same time. He knew his people genuinely liked him, and to him they were his extended family. Their clan was a relatively small one, and it had always been the pride and honor of the Lord of Grey Castle to know every family that lived under their protection.

They were greeted with congratulations, handshakes, happy smiles, and blown kisses, and Castiel's incredulity was palpable. Dean wondered what kind of a life he had led, if interaction with people who were basically his subjects was so alien to him. On the other hand he also knew that their clan was especially tight-knit due to their location and history, and familiarity of this level was indeed rare.

When they finally got to the castleyard, Ellen was waiting for them, her lynx sitting next to her, acting bored. But Dean knew the feline totem well enough to know it was all pretense, and that she was just as excited as everyone else. Dean's wolf was nowhere to be seen, but that was nothing new. He had probably ran to Dean's bedchamber and was most likely sprawled on the bed already.

He dismounted, and, bracing himself, raised his hands expectantly to Castiel, ready to help him down. Castiel's ermine relocated himself quickly to around Castiel's neck, and then the omega swung his leg over the horses back and gracefully slid into Dean's arms. Their eyes met for a second, and then Castiel lowered his gaze to his feet.

This was not how Dean had wanted this to go. He didn't want demure, lowered eyes; he wanted the feisty and spirited omega he had met by the carriage. He swallowed, and, with a formal voice, he said, "Welcome to Grey Castle, Castiel."

 

* * *

 

It was awkward. Dean had closed himself off, and Castiel knew it was his fault. He didn't dare meet Dean's eyes, but lowered his gaze to the ground instead. He could feel the castlefolk's eyes on him, evaluating and assessing him. It was very clear that Dean was dearly loved by his people, and, as an outsider, Castiel was regarded as an intruder who was expected to prove his value.

"Well, you surely took your time. Welcome, Castiel." He heard a woman say, and when he raised his eyes, he saw a middle-aged lady with a commanding aura around her and warm smile on her face. She walked towards Castiel and Dean, an impressive feline totem trailing after her. She took Castiel's hands between her own and nodded her head slightly. Castiel assumed she was an alpha, but when he scented her, he realized to his surprise that she was, in fact, a beta.

"Thank you, madam." He answered with calm politeness and was baffled, when the lady snorted.

"Whatever nonsense had Dean been feeding you, boy?" She asked with an exasperated fondness. "I'm not an any kind of a madam."

Castiel blinked and shifted his eyes to Dean, who looked a bit abashed. "Castiel, meet Matron Ellen. She is the heart and soul of Grey Castle, as well as a surrogate mother to whomever she comes across." Matron Ellen rolled her eyes at the description. "She'll guide you to your chambers and help you to settle in."

"You can call me Ellen. Matron makes me feel old." Ellen winked at Castiel. "Please, come with me. You must be exhausted from your trip. How long did it take, three weeks? Four?" She started to lead Castiel inside, wrapping her arm unceremoniously around him. It didn't feel intruding, but strangely comforting. Castiel spared a brief glance behind him and saw Dean standing beside his horse, head slightly bowed and an unreadable expression on his face.

Ellen kept on talking to him on their way to what was to be Castiel's chambers. She pointed out what corridor led to where, told him about harvesting and the daily life of the castle. Castiel didn't actually listen, but let her voice lull him into comfortable bubble that allowed him to forget his taxing journey.

His rooms were not big, but they were cozy and practical. There was a drawing room, a bedroom, and a small washing area, all furnished with sturdy pieces of furniture and soft rugs and pillows. Castiel saw that his trunks were already brought in, unopened, and waiting for him. As he took in his surroundings he had a hard time picturing his dowry silks fitting in here.

As if sensing his thoughts, Ellen cleared her throat. "We didn't open your trunks, as we thought you would like to do that yourself."

Castiel cocked his head. "There's nothing for me, and I really doubt there's anything for you, either." He commented dryly, and beckoned Ellen closer. Her frown smoothed as she saw the silks and dishes that were Castiel's dowry, and she huffed a laugh.

"Well. That's not something we usually need around here. What would you like to do with them?"

Castiel shrugged. "Do what you want. They are here for a show anyway. It's not like I chose any of them."

Ellen nodded. "I'll have them removed from here. We can figure out what to do with them later." She turned to call a servant in. "Is there anything you wish to keep with you?"

Castiel pondered for a while. There were total of five trunks, in which three contained his dowry and one was filled with his clothes. The fifth trunk, a small one, was where Castiel had packed his journal, his books and some personal items that he didn't want to leave behind. He asked Ellen to take the dowry trunks away, and bid the servants to leave the smallest trunk be. He carried it to the bedroom himself and tucked it under the bed. Ellen didn't comment on it.

There were clothes on the bed, waiting for him. They were wool and linen, warm and practical and completely different from the garments he was used to. He washed up and changed into his new trousers and tunic, instantly liking their rustic feel. His family would have never allowed an omega to put on clothes like that, which made him like them even more.

When he walked back to the drawing room, the dowry trunks had been taken out, and Ellen was going through his clothes. Castiel didn't take offense, as it clearly was her job - besides, he would need her help in sorting them anyway. There was a tray with a cold dinner waiting for him, and he walked to the couch, suddenly ravenous. The food was simple: dark bread, fruit cake, cheese, venison, some tart jam, and a pitcher of watered wine. It tasted delicious.

"Half of your clothes are completely impractical here, did you know?" Ellen asked, amused disdain in her voice.

"No, I didn't, and neither did my family. But I don't think it was of any importance to them. They're only happy to be rid of me." His voice was flat and indifferent, as if he didn't care.

He could feel Ellen's narrowed stare without looking at her. He picked at his fruit cake idly for a while, before he turned to give her a level look.

"I don't know anything about you or your clan. I'm the youngest of my family, as well as an omega. My family's a traditional one, and while I've never been treated harshly, I've never had any real say in my own life, either. I did not consent to this union, because no-one actually bothered to ask me. I'm here because my brother sold me to your Lord, who needs an heir."

Ellen gave a noncommittal sound and made her way to the couch. She poured a glass of wine to herself and sipped it, a pensive look on her face.

"Alright," she then said. "Seems we have things to discuss.

"Do you know what happens during the bonding ceremony?" Castiel's eyes widened a bit, and Ellen nodded. "Okay. I'll assume you know nothing, then.

"You will be bonded in the castle hall by the town Magistrate, with the castlefolk standing witness. Your and Dean's fingers will be pricked with a needle to draw the blood that you'll first sign the contract with, and then you'll press your fingertips together to let the blood mingle. After that, Dean will bite you to make his claim, which will eventually trigger your mating heat. Sharing the heat will complete the contract and your bond."

She stopped and calmly took another sip of her wine, while Castiel stared her in mute apprehension. "Dean won't bite you in public," she said gently. "He's not that kind of an alpha."

Castiel nodded nervously. He had been told very little of bonding ceremonies, as they varied a little depending of the clan, but also because his family had believed he didn't need to know. After Ellen's speech, he wasn't that sure he had even wanted to know.

"This castle has been here for quite a long time." Ellen said conversationally and Castiel blinked at the sudden change of topic. "Our community is close and relatively small. Practically all families know each other or at least are aware of each other, and we all are fiercely loyal to our clan. As you probably noticed, we have no use of titles and statuses here, and Dean is the last person to impose his rank on anyone.

"Your marriage contract was not of Dean's doing. It was the last act of his father, and Dean is going to honor it out of respect for his sire. Sam and Dean are the current heirs of Grey Castle, and with Sam's... interests, the responsibility of producing an heir lies solely on Dean. His father went great lengths to find an omega that was of noble birth but of no relation to us, as he believed it would strengthen the the bloodline.

"I hope you understand that you are most welcome here, Castiel, even though the people might be a little suspicious of you at the start. This place has been sorrowful for too long..." Ellen sighed and paused, as if she wasn't sure of herself. Then she pressed her lips together, making up her mind.

"The boys lost their mother when they were kids. Her totem was caught in flames and burned alive, when a part of the castle burned down. Their mother lost her mind afterwards, and as a result, took her own life. Their father never recovered from the loss of his mate, and while he tried very hard, he wasn't an especially attentive father or Lord. Dean had to step up and take his father's place when he was fifteen and way too young for the responsibility. He has been burdened by his duties for over a decade now, and while he loves this place and his people, he has never dared to pursue a family of his own.

"So. While you being here wasn't something you chose, neither did Dean. He is just as apprehensive as you are." Castiel huffed an unbelieving laugh that earned a tight-lipped glare from Ellen.

"He's a good alpha and a good man. I'd suggest you give him a chance." Clearly having nothing more to say, Ellen got up from the couch and took the now-empty tray from the table. She bid Castiel goodnight and left.

Castiel was left alone with his totem, thoughts in turmoil. His journey had led him to a new home that was nothing like he had expected. His alpha had turned out to be a very handsome and charismatic man, loved by his people, and devoid of all pompous alpha posturing. In this short time Castiel had felt more appreciated than in his life so far, and it was something he was not used to. When he had stood up for himself, he had been met with hurt instead of annoyance or amusement. It was as if Dean was honestly offended by Castiel's comment about breeding mares.

But wasn't that what Castiel was here for?

His head hurt and he was exhausted, so he decided to get some sleep. After all, his problems would still be waiting in the morning.

∞

Two weeks after Castiel's arrival the trees had turned flaming orange, yellow and red. The air was crisp and fresh, and in the mornings there was frazil ice on the ground. It was colder than Castiel was used to, although the warm clothes and furs he had been provided did help a lot.

The preparations for the bonding ceremony were in full swing. Ellen took care of the most, with the help of Sam and her daughter, Jo, a perky, force-of-the-nature omega. When Castiel first met Jo, he was struck dumb by the sheer energy she radiated, as well as her willful and mischievous personality. It was odd to observe an omega so sure of herself, but it did explain Dean's attitude towards Castiel.

They had not interacted much after Dean had welcomed Castiel to his new home. Dean had taken him to a ride for a couple of times, to introduce him to the lands around the castle and the families living nearby. Castiel had watched with barely-hidden envy how easy and relaxed Dean was with his subjects, mutual respect so obvious from both parties. He hoped that someday he could interact as naturally as Dean.

Dean had also taken him to a tour around the castle compound, and shown him the library and the family archives, encouraging him to indulge in them as much as he liked. Castiel had asked him about the history of the area, genuinely interested, as it was so different from the one he had grown up around. Dean had answered his questions at first, and then directed them to Sam, who was blissfully happy to educate Castiel.

Castiel liked Sam a lot. He was a very intelligent and spiritual beta, and while Castiel found him slightly intimidating due his height, his easy smiles and gentle sense of humor soon got Castiel to relax. What did keep him on edge, though, was Sam's uncanny connection with his totem.

It wasn't considered proper to ask about totems, but Castiel soon found out that Northerners were again different from others. They were very relaxed about their totems and even went as far as letting others to touch them. When Castiel saw Ellen shove Dean's wolf aside for the first time, his eyes bulged, but the wolf only grinned, radiating strong waves of amusement. Jo's arctic fox was a common sight on Sam's lap, and she even had gone as far as come to greet Castiel one day. He didn't dare touch her though, not when Jo was nowhere to be seen. Castiel knew it was a gesture of acceptance, but he was still very uncomfortable seeing totems and their humans separated.

He did see Dean's wolf, quite a lot actually. He didn't approach Castiel, but stayed near, never imposing, but letting himself be noticed. Castiel thought it to be slightly irritating at first, as if he was under observation, but he soon grew accustomed to the presence of the totem. It also helped that Sam seemed to be mostly amused by him.

The mating ceremony took place three weeks after Castiel's arrival. In theory, it could have taken place the following day, but Castiel had been given time to adjust and rest, for which he was grateful. With time, he grew steadily more apprehensive and nervous about the bonding, and nothing Ellen said could make him relax. Deep down he knew that both the bonding and his reaction to it were natural, but he couldn't help the impending feeling of doom lurking behind his back.

His tutors had told him years ago that in some parts of the country public claiming was still common practice, and in the old days mating had been a public event, as well. He was very, very relieved that the ceremony and feast were public, and Dean would claim and mate him in privacy. It would be embarrassing enough that the scent of his mating heat would be all over the castle after Dean's claim.

The morning of his and Dean's bonding dawned rainy and gloomy, as if heightening Castiel's mood. He felt nauseous as Ellen helped him dress in his ceremonial tunic, a light blue flowing garment that had a wide neckline to both allow an easy claiming bite and to display it openly. He felt naked and on display, but he had no choice. After the mating heat he was free to use any clothes he liked, but for tonight, he was to wear this.

Because he had traveled alone, he walked alone to his mate-to-be, accompanied only by the two alpha guards his brother had assigned him. They were to depart after the ceremony, with a copy of the marriage contract with them. Ellen had been bewildered that none of Castiel's family were present, but he had shrugged and said that he was fine with it. Oddly enough, it was true. His family would have scoffed and demeaned the Northerners, and to his surprise Castiel absolutely didn't want that.

The castle hall was decorated with fall-colored branches, and the tables were covered with his dowry silks, which Castiel was happy to find out. The hall was packed full with people, all eager to see their Lord finally bonded. The various totems fluttered here and there, their eagerness mirroring the atmosphere of the room.

Dean was waiting for him in the front of the hall, with Sam and a stern looking man, who Castiel assumed to be the town Magistrate. Castiel heard approving murmurs from the crowd as he walked towards his soon-to-be mate. Dean seemed to sense his approach, and as he turned to look at Castiel, he gave Castiel a shy smile.

"Hello, Dean." Castiel said nervously, as he stopped to stand before Dean.

Dean blinked and hesitantly reached out to touch his shoulder. "How are you feeling?" He asked, ducking his head to look Castiel in the eye.

"Nervous." Castiel commented flatly.

Dean huffed a laugh. "Tell me about it." He let out a deep breath and beckoned Castiel closer. "So. We'll go through the contract first with the Magistrate, and then we'll sign it. After that we'll be off, and Sam, Jo and Ellen will take care of the guests before we come back for the feast." He glanced at Sam, fidgeting a little, and Castiel suddenly realized that Dean was quite nervous, too. Sam took the hint and moved away, to give them some privacy.

"Look, I-." Dean chewed his lip and sighed frustratedly. "I know this is awkward. We both know what's gonna happen tonight, but I want you to know, that I do like you, and I did mean what I said, back the day you arrived. I want you as my mate and I intend to treat you as such. Okay?" Dean asked softly.

"Okay," Castiel answered automatically, not really thinking what he agreed to.

"Okay," Dean confirmed before turning to the Magistrate and nodding.

The official ceremony was dull business. The Magistrate droned through the contract, meticulously reading each and every paragraph, as if there was anything new to anyone. The contract had been forged between Dean's father and Castiel's family, and approved when Castiel (or Michael, actually) had agreed to the marriage. But it was supposedly very important to read it aloud to the witnesses to hear. Castiel nearly zoned off, not bothering to pay attention to the official before him. His mind was wandering to the night ahead of him, to the claiming and the mating heat.

He was snapped out of his thoughts, when Dean nudged him gently. He blinked before he had the sense to present his hand to the Magistrate's impatient grasp. The middle finger of his right hand was pricked with a bronze needle, and he watched with a slight fascination at the red drop of blood swelling to his fingertip. At the Magistrate's cough, he reached his hand to press a blood drop to each of the three copies of the marriage contract, right beside Dean's bloody fingerprint. Then he turned to Dean, and they pressed their bloodied fingertips together. It was rather anti-climatic, really. But if the cooing sighs of the castlefolk were anything to go by, at least they were happy.

Dean gave Castiel a soft cloth to wipe away the blood, before turning to Ellen. She grinned at them, and shooed them away impatiently, while she started to fuss with the tables. Dean nodded, took Castiel's hand, and led him out of the hall.

 

* * *

 

Dean was nervous. Like, really, _really_ nervous. He knew what he was supposed to do, as he had been briefed by both Ellen and Bobby (an experience he was not eager to repeat in any near future), but now that he actually was supposed to do it, he was scared. This would bind Castiel to him for the rest of his life, until death took them apart. He knew this was what the contract obliged them to do, and it was not a surprise to either of them. But still...

He had prepared a room for them not far from the hall. Of course he could've bitten Castiel right there, claim him in front of the Magistrate and his own people, but that would've been crude, uncivilized and demeaning. It was embarrassing enough that they would be expected to return for the feast, with his bond-bite visible on Castiel's neck.

They reached their appointed room in mere minutes, and Dean showed Castiel inside. It was a small, intimate room, with soft rugs on the floor, a single couch and a small table. Servants had lit the candles around the room, just as Dean had requested, and there was a pitcher of wine and two glasses on the table.

Dean closed the door behind them and walked to the table. "Would you like some wine?" He asked Castiel.

Castiel stood in the middle of the small room. He turned around slowly and regarded Dean for a while. "So. Is this where you'll bite me?" He asked coolly, ignoring Dean's question.

Dean cleared his throat. "Um. Yes." He poured the wine and offered Castiel the other glass. Thankfully, he took it, and after glaring at it, he drowned the wine in one go. Dean gaped at him and hastily drank his own wine. It was a good vintage, strong and sweet, reserved for special occasions. The remaining wine would be brought to their chambers later.

Castiel squared his shoulders and dipped his head, baring his neck in the traditional submission. He didn't look Dean in the eye. "Let's get this done with then," he muttered

No. Not like this.

Dean stepped in front of him and cupped his cheek to his hand. Castiel's eyes flared wide in surprise, but he didn't flinch. Dean stroked his cheek gently with his thumb and pressed a soft kiss to Castiel's lips. It was delicious and he was hungry for more, but it could wait. He pressed his forehead to Castiel's and closed his eyes. "I don't want to force you," he sighed and huffed a non-humorous laugh. "But it's going to be like it, anyway. As soon as I bite you, you'll have no choice. You'll go into mating heat tonight, and when it happens, we will both be helpless."

He lifted his head and looked solemnly at Castiel. "I have taken you as my mate and as such, your rank is second to only mine. You are not a mere breeder, you are the Laird of this castle and you have an equal obligation of providing and protecting to the castlefolk as I do." Castiel stared at him, unblinking, disbelief obvious in his big, blue eyes.

"Castiel," Dean asked softly, "may I claim you?"

The omega watched him for what seemed like an eternity, then turned his head and nodded.

But Dean didn't bite him. He kissed his neck instead, and by Castiel's reaction, he guessed he had surprised his new mate. There was a reason for that, of course: he didn't want to rush it. Sure, he knew that claiming was his right now, but he wanted to make it as good to Castiel as he could. He poured them second glasses of wine, and Castiel drank his in one go, again. No more wine for the omega, then.

There was a faint blush on Castiel's cheeks, and, to Dean, it made him very beautiful. He said as much, which made Castiel blush furiously and duck his head. Dean would have none of it, and he gently lifted his omega's chin to make make eye-contact, and then he kissed him again.

Little by little, Castiel started to relax under Dean's ministrations, the wine helping him somewhat. Dean kissed his lips and jaw and nuzzled his neck, occasionally grazing over the scent gland, causing Castiel to shiver and whimper softly. Dean didn't push it, and, each time re-directed his attention elsewhere for a while. Soon, Castiel was swaying on his feet, his eyes fluttered closed and lips slightly parted, when Dean turned him around to lean his back onto Dean's chest. Holding his mate softly, he saw Castiel's head lolled on his shoulder, his scent gland presented right under Dean's nose, and he couldn't hold himself back any longer.

He bit down, holding his mate in his arms. Castiel tensed and let out a cry, but he didn't try to break free. Instead, he gripped Dean's hands with such force that Dean was sure he would have impressive bruises later. After a moment, Castiel's pained breathing evened out and Dean unlocked his jaw, lapping the bite gently. Castiel slumped bonelessly in his hold and would've slid onto the floor if Dean hadn't held him up. He maneuvered them both to the couch, him sitting up and Castiel resting against his chest, safely cradled in his arms. To comfort his new mate, he sang the mating song of his ancestors softly into his mate’s ear, caressing each note and syllable, dropping kisses onto his dark hair. They would stay here for a while, waiting for Castiel's body to accommodate to the rush of new pheromones that would later trigger his mating heat.

Dean heard soft rapping from the door and felt a question from his wolf. He sent his approval in response, and the wolf entered a second later, carrying Castiel's dazed ermine gently in his jaws. He walked to them and lowered the ermine onto Castiel's lap. He then turned his massive head a little, his green eyes glittering, and before Dean had a chance to react, the wolf put his front paws on the couch and reached out to lick the bond-bite.

"What the hell?!" Dean hissed. The wolf sat back on his haunches calmly, as if a totem licking the fresh bond-bite of its human's new mate was nothing special. He stared at Dean, who glared back, furious. He had sensed his wolf liked Castiel, but he would've never thought the totem would actually offer to connect with him. It would allow Castiel to call the wolf and the wolf would sense him almost as well as Dean did. It sort of made sense to Dean why his wolf had added his connection to the bond bite, but he really wished he had been consulted beforehand. Or, more importantly, that Castiel had been.

"He's going to be pissed, you know? This whole mating thing was enough in and of itself, and now you've gone and bonded to him, too. You idiotic mutt. You better not come to me for help when my mate wants to have your hide." He muttered, while stroking Castiel's hair. There was a distinctive air of 'whatever you say' about his totem, before he laid down and curled contently on the floor.

Castiel had his eyes closed and a slight frown on his face, and his body trembled at times as the bond-bite took hold. Dean pulled him closer and guided his nose to his own scent gland. He wasn't sure if it would make any difference, but Castiel's breathing slowed and the tremors lessened almost immediately. Dean closed his eyes too, pressed his nose into Castiel's neck to scent his mate, and closed off the world around them.

∞

The candles had burned low, when Castiel started to regain his surroundings. Dean had grown worried, as he had no previous experience of alpha-omega bonding, and, therefore, didn't know, what was considered a normal amount of time for an omega to adjust. He felt the fresh bond between them as a pull in his chest, and it alerted him to his mate's awakening before Castiel opened his eyes.

"Hey," he greeted his mate softly. "How do you feel?"

The blue eyes locked to his. "I can feel you." Castiel said hesitantly. "But that's not all. I-" He stopped and turned his head sharply. "You." The wolf tried to act nonchalant and failed miserably. Dean was suddenly really, really happy that the furious blaze of blue eyes wasn't directed at him.

"Why?"

Dean sighed. "Honestly? I have no idea. You know just as well as I do, that we can't really control our totems. I think that he wanted to involve himself simply out of a need to protect. As you have probably noticed already, ours is a tight-knit community. The Northerner totems are a lot more independent and sentient than totems usually are, but no-one knows why. It might be because the Old Forest Spirits are strong in the North, or because our bloodline is directly descended from the old shamans, even as diluted as it is nowadays.

"The point is, I don't know why he bonded to you, but he did it for a reason. Feel free to use him as a muff, if you like."

Castiel was silent, contemplating Dean's words. Then he cocked his head slightly and asked, "Does this mean I can touch him, now?"

Dean raised his brows in surprise. "Um. You could touch him in any case, because we're mated." Castiel turned sharply to look at him with narrowed eyes, and even without the input of their bond, Dean understood what worried him. "I won't touch your totem, unless he comes to me. You don't need to worry." He smiled softly and pressed a light kiss to Castiel's brow. "But you are free to handle my wolf as you see fit."

He felt a spike of worry from his wolf and rolled his eyes at him. "Too late, fleabag. You brought this on yourself, now deal with it."

Dean watched with great interest as his new mate interacted with his totem, or, actually, their totem. Castiel sat up properly, leaned forward and grabbed the wolf below his ears, forcing him to look at him. The wolf did not resist, but Dean felt his uneasiness. Castiel stared him for quite a long time, eyes burning and intense, before he raised his head. "Fine," he said, nodded once, and released the wolf's head. Dean didn't know what had flowed between them, but it was something, and it had left his wolf intimidated and awed, and not a little smitten.

"Do you think you can walk?" Dean asked a moment later. "We should at least make an appearance, as it's sort of our feast. And, unfortunately, they need to see the bond-bite."

Castiel nodded and stood up before Dean could do anything to help him up. He blanched a little and swayed on his feet, Dean went immediately to his side and the wolf on the other. The omega swallowed and said, a little sheepishly, "I might use some help after all." Dean hid his smile from his stubborn, beautiful omega and nodded solemnly.

"How long do you think we have, before your heat hits?"

"I'm not sure." Castiel said and frowned. "I feel... odd. Not like in the early stage of heat, but something similar. I think I'll recognize it when it hits, but I'm not as certain as I'd normally be."

Dean nodded. "Let me know when you start to feel anything, and we'll leave immediately." He wrapped his arm around his mate and carefully led him from the small room to the hall. They could hear the sounds of feasting as soon as Dean opened the door, and the closer they got to the hall, the louder the noise grew. They managed to slip inside unnoticed, as the crowd was currently focused on one of Rufus and Bobby's ludicrous hunting stories. It didn't take long for Ellen to spot them, though.

"There you are! Took you long enough." She grinned and winked. Dean blushed and Castiel hid his face in Dean's chest. She turned to face the crowd, and declared loudly: "Okay folks, The Lord and Laird of Grey Castle!"

There was a moment of silence, and then the thunderous noise of whistles, cheers, and feet stomping the floor. Dean held Castiel under his arm, letting him hide his face, as he slowly turned them around, showing the castlefolk the fresh bond-bite on Castiel's neck. It caused even more cheers, and Dean winced, his ears ringing.

"Thank you, now carry on!" He called, and guided Castiel to sit down at their appointed table. There were trays of food and pitchers of wine and water waiting for them. Castiel was silent at his side, his eyes hooded, as he watched the feast going on.

"Do you feel like eating? You should at least try to eat something." Dean suggested, picking some bread and cheese to place on his mate's plate. He had a feeling that Castiel would not stomach anything very strong, like stew or roasted boar. Castiel didn't answer, but obediently opened his mouth when Dean fed him the food he had picked. He didn't pour wine for either of them, as they had drank two glasses already, but he made Castiel drink several glasses of water instead.

He noticed Ellen watching them, and he raised his brows questioningly. "What?"

"He's very silent. What did you do?"

"What do you mean 'what did I do'?" Dean asked, a little offended.

Ellen clicked her tongue. "Don't use that tone of voice with me, Dean. You were gone for a long time, and Castiel looks exhausted. I hope you didn't try to mate him yet."

Dean blinked, too amazed at the question to be actually insulted. "Are you seriously asking me that? No, I didn't try anything. He was out for a long time, and nearly fell over when he stood up. I don't know why. Maybe because of him." He pointed at his wolf, who was busy radiating innocence that fooled no-one.

Ellen sighed. "What did he do this time?"

"He licked the fresh bond-bite, connecting himself to Castiel. Don't ask me why, I have no idea."

"Sorry, he did what?" Sam asked, incredulous.

Dean snarled, frustrated at himself, at his brother, at his totem. "I. Don't. Know. He just did it."

Sam hmm-ed and tapped his fingers to the table. "I'll have a look of the archives, in case there's ever been an incident like this. It should be impossible for a totem to connect with any other human than its own. But then, a totem connection shouldn't be possible to stretch out as much as mine does." He shrugged. "I'd say not to worry about it. He's got his reasons, and you've got a mate to look after." He raised his glass to Dean and slouched off to have a word with Rufus.

Dean rubbed his face with his right hand, his left still around Castiel. He felt strangely at edge, irritated, and very aware of his mate. He forced himself to eat some bread and cheese, and made Castiel drink a bit more water. His mate smelled very good, and he couldn't help but peck little kisses to his brow every now and then. Luckily none of his people tried to approach them directly, as he really wasn't in the mood. He just wanted the feast to be over, and to be left alone with his mate. It wasn't until he actually growled at Kevin, a young alpha in his teens, that Dean realized that something was happening. Kevin had merely looked at them and smiled happily, but it had spiked a possessive jealousy in Dean.

As soon as the growl started, Ellen stepped in front of him. "Okay, alpha. It's time for you to take your mate and retreat." She said, firmly but not unkindly.

Dean narrowed his eyes, irritated by this beta telling him what to do. He opened his mouth to snap, when Castiel whined softly.

"Dean... We need to leave... now."

His irritation vanished, instantly replaced by concern. He helped Castiel up, but after a couple of steps it became quite clear that the omega wasn't able to walk. Without a second thought, Dean scooped his mate onto his arms and strode out of the castle hall, their totems following. His people cheered drunkenly after them, but he didn't really hear it anymore. Castiel wrapped his arms around his neck and rested his head on Dean's shoulder, which allowed Dean to scent his neck the whole way to his - their - bedchambers.

It didn't take them long to get there. Dean turned around before closing the door, fixing a stern eye on his wolf. "You are not allowed in, understand? Take care of him." He glanced at the ermine, who had barely been able to keep up with them. He was mildly surprised, when his wolf actually obeyed and lay down before the door, gathering the ermine close with his massive front paws. Satisfied, Dean turned and closed the door behind them, holding his mate with his left hand alone.

Their bed had been remade with fresh bed linens, and the servants had made sure there were several pitchers of fresh water and some light food, as well as the remaining wine from the room where he had claimed Castiel. He lowered the omega down, and noted how his face was blushed prettily and his eyes were hooded and dark. He placed his mate gently onto the bed, undressed, and then set on the task of worshiping Castiel. He may not have been with a man before, but it didn't mean he didn't understand the meaning of pleasure.

As Castiel's mating heat settled in, they were lost into it. When Dean sunk inside his mate's warmth and scent, he was sure this was what he had been waiting for his whole life.

 

* * *

 

Castiel didn't remember much about what had happened after Dean's claim. He had practically dropped off, and after he had regained consciousness, he had been descending into mating heat, which had made things a bit... hazy. He recalled bits and pieces, but they seemed like parts from heated dreams, and he certainly didn't want to dwell in them, as they made him hot and flushed.

When his heat had ended, Dean had taken him to bathhouse, and they had enjoyed a long bath together. Meanwhile their chambers had been thoroughly aired and cleaned, and the bed remade with fresh bed linens. Castiel had felt a fleeting embarrassment over the soiled linens and was genuinely sorry for the poor maid, who was appointed to wash them.

The new bond with Dean was interesting. He could sense his mate's whereabouts (not that it was especially hard, as Dean was never very far from him), as well as some of his emotions. It would take time to interpret them properly, but it wasn't as if they were in a hurry. Besides, the weird double-connection with Dean's wolf was giving him a hard time, as he had yet to learn to differentiate the wolf from his alpha.

He hadn't understood what had driven the totem to connect with him then, and now, two weeks after his heat, he wasn't any wiser. He had tried to raid the library and the archives with Sam, but they hadn't found anything. It seemed like they had to bear with it and be content with the information that the totem had known what he was doing.

Castiel couldn't deny the benefits, after all. Even if he wasn't yet known to the castlefolk, Dean's wolf was, and he was completely and totally safe wherever he went. For some reason, the wolf had practically adopted him, and rarely left Castiel out of his sight. His ermine was rather miffed about it for a while, before he had had the idea of riding the wolf. It was a sight. Castiel could never have had enough of the bewildered faces they encountered, him walking with a massive grey wolf behind him, and a smug ermine perched on the wolf's neck.

When Dean had seen them for the first time, he had nearly collapsed from laughter. His wolf had given him an impressive imitation of haughty pouting, which had coaxed another fit of laughter from his human. When he had turned his pained expression to Castiel, he had only raised his hands apologetically.

"Don't look at me, wolf. You brought this on yourself, you know. You can either stop trailing after me or suffer my ermine using you as a horse." The look on the totem's face had been a combination of resignation and determination, and Castiel had shaken his head fondly. "You are a stubborn one, aren't you?" He had asked, and had gently touched the wolf's head. The totem had practically purred contentment at the praise and the touch, and Castiel had felt the echo of it in the back of his mind. Dean had later told him that he had felt it, too.

It didn't occur to him until much later that touching Dean's totem had felt completely natural.

∞

The air got chillier the further autumn wore on. Castiel watched with trepidation as the trees slowly lost their leaves, leaving behind bare branches, like skeletons in the midst of the evergreens. The days grew shorter and shorter, daylight creeping into the air more and more lazily, until Castiel thought the whole world would slowly succumb to darkness. He had never experienced weather like this; in the South it rarely was as cold as it was now. When he complained about it, Dean laughed merrily and told him to wait for the winter. Castiel wasn't sure of what to think about that.

He was meticulously introduced to his new responsibilities by Ellen and Dean, and, on occasion, he was tutored by Bobby and Sam, too. He found Bobby somewhat scary at first, but he soon realized that there was a very large and warm heart underneath the gruff demeanor. If Ellen was the mother of Grey Castle, Bobby surely was the father figure, even though he didn't live in the castle. As a steward, he was more at ease outside the walls, where the nature was closer. Besides, he enjoyed his solitude.

Castiel wanted to ask Bobby how on earth he had acquired an elk as a totem, but he thought it would surpass even the Northerner's flexible boundaries regarding their totems. It fascinated him, though. An elk was a magnificent beast, and, for a totem, a ridiculously large one. Castiel wondered briefly if the sheer size of the totem had forced Bobby to live outside the castle. Then again, he suspected that nothing could actually force the gruff steward to do anything he didn't want.

He grew wearier with the shorter days. He tried not to show it, as Dean had said that softness had no room in the North, but as hard as he tried, there was one whom he couldn't fool. Dean's wolf became increasingly attentive, irritatingly so, trailing after him with a worried air. Even Dean started to notice his totem's overly attached behavior, but nothing he or Castiel said could waver the wolf. At the end of the day, they let him hover.

When Castiel started to feel nauseous in the morning and increasingly queasy of certain smells during the day, he thought he had caught a food poisoning from dried fish. It wasn't until the wolf gently poked his abdomen that he realized it.

He was pregnant.

The realization hit him with a blow and he swayed on his feet, his vision blurring. There was a buzzing in his ears and he sat heavily on the floor.

 _Pregnant_.

A pup.

It was truly happening: he was breeding. This was the end of his life as he knew it, this was where he lost the control of his own body and was reduced into a breeding mare, an incubator; a provider of litters of heirs to Grey Castle. It was the basis of his marriage contract and, therefore, no surprise, but the terror that gripped him took his breath away.

He managed a few short breaths before he scrambled to his feet, rushed to the basin and retched. He felt vaguely the wolf laying down beside him, offering a silent comfort and a warm, solid support to lean on. The bond was tugging him, Dean's concern flowing to and around him, and it didn't take long before his alpha was there. Castiel let Dean hold him to rest against his chest, to soothe his heaving body and whisper comforting words into his hair. When his head cleared, he slumped into Dean's hold and kept his eyes closed. He didn't want to meet his mate's eyes.

He felt Dean scent him and he knew that Dean knew.

"Castiel?" Dean breathed in wonder. "Is it-. Are you-." Dean's words choked in his throat.

Castiel only nodded wearily.

Dean drew a shuddering breath and hugged him tightly. "I wished, but didn't dare hope. Oh, Castiel, this is what I've always wanted." He spoke softly, kissing Castiel's neck and face, not minding the smell of vomit lingering around them.

He should've been happy. He was fulfilling his role as a mate and as an omega, proving his worth to his alpha and his people. Instead, he felt numb. He felt Dean's joy through the bond and heard his tender words and caresses, but instead of comfort, he felt suffocated and coddled. It was like a heavy weight had settled on his sternum, preventing him from breathing or moving properly.

He let Dean help him onto the bed, where he curled on his side, shutting his eyes tightly. Dean tucked the warm blankets snugly around him and settled behind him, spooning him in his arms. Castiel felt emotionally drained and empty, and allowed himself drift in the warmness of Dean's voice and their bed. He knew he was a coward, trying to deny his true nature, but he wanted to stay a little longer in the illusion that everything was as it used to be.

∞

It didn't take long for the others to find out. Dean, of course, was completely unable to hide his happiness, and combined with Castiel's nausea it was an easy deduction for their family to understand what had happened. Sam actually cried, and even Ellen and Bobby were teary-eyed, even though they would vehemently deny it afterwards. Castiel was soon treated with utmost tenderness he didn't want and showered in attention he didn't seek, and it made him even more numb. Intellectually, he understood how enormously significant his pregnancy was, but, emotionally, he only wanted to curl up and forget everything.

He didn't want this. He didn't want to waddle around with a protruding belly, as a trophy of his alpha's virility and his body's ability to act as the efficient breeding machine it was designed to be. He loathed the nausea and the exhaustion and was horrified to realize he was already overly emotional. He was retreating into a submissive, soft animal, which was something he had never wanted to be.

As the daylight waned and the winter started to creep in, Castiel spent more and more time in bed, blaming his nausea and exhaustion. Dean was almost sick with worry, hovering around nervous, asking if there was anything he could do to make Castiel better. One day he almost asked if Dean could take the pup out of him, but caught himself in time. No point alienating his mate any more than he already had.

And then, one day, Castiel realized it had been a week since he had seen the sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music to accompany Dean and Castiel's ride through the forest, and when Castiel sees the Grey Castle for the first time.  
> [Jean Sibelius: Karelia-suite, Op. 11: I. Intermezzo](http://open.spotify.com/track/7DZehduCcrSO9jdlsbMxdI)


	2. Kaamos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaamos: A Finnish name for Polar Night (here meaning mainly Polar Twilight).
> 
> Music:  
> [Jean Sibelius: Symphony No.3 in C major Op. 52: II. Andantino con moto, quasi allegretto](http://open.spotify.com/track/0gGv6MuM9iCwAcSXfJqizX)
> 
> Triggers in this chapter, check the end notes. Mind the tags!

Winter wrapped them in a perpetual blue twilight that surrounded them like a soft blanket. The castle slunk slowly into hibernation, where everything slowed down to the unhurried pace of the cold season. Everything was prepared: the pantries and cellars were stocked to the brim, and wood sheds were full of firewood. Ellen had made sure to stock enough yarn, leather, and fabric to keep each and every occupant busy during the winter. After first heavy snow, Grey Castle would be sealed off from the outside world.

The twilight ate its way into Castiel's skin.

The nausea eased little by little, and Castiel was able to keep more food inside him. Dean chided that he was too thin and wouldn't be able to nurse the pup properly, which made Castiel seethe. He didn't want Dean's attention, and he definitely didn't want Dean fattening him up. He felt uncomfortable in their bedchambers and even more so in their shared bed. He loathed Dean's touch, as it reminded him of their shared mating heat, and, consequently, of his current pregnant state. But Dean wanted to be near him, and Castiel let him. Dean scented and curled around him; he kept his hand possessively on his abdomen and talked to the pup, as if it was even remotely developed enough to hear its alpha. Castiel though the whole ritual was ridiculous, but he humored Dean, because it made everything easier.

Sometimes Castiel could feel his mate getting hard and rut against his ass, but Dean never forced himself on his mate. Usually Castiel pretended he didn't notice (which was a blatant lie: an erect alpha cock was not a meager thing), and after a while Dean would sigh and still, and return to cuddling Castiel. Sometimes he would leave, and Castiel could smell his alpha's release on him later.

Sometimes his own body betrayed him and he would soak through his pants, craving filling and release. On those rare occasions, Dean would touch him hesitantly, as if asking permission, and Castiel's pathetic body would give in, letting his alpha enter and gently bring him over the edge. They would not talk about it afterwards, but Dean's touch and scent spoke volumes, if Castiel only wanted to listen.

When Dean tried to tell him how wonderful he looked and smelled, Castiel felt he was being cruelly lied to. There was no way anyone could look or smell wonderful when they had been vomiting their insides out for over two moons and harboring a parasite inside them. Dean would laugh at his words and kiss his brow fondly, and Castiel felt even more ridiculed and alone.

The days went by sluggishly and slow. After their mating heat, Dean had explained to him his role as the Laird of Grey Castle and let him gently understand that participation was not a privilege, but a responsibility. Castiel was partly pleased that his mate wanted him as an equal partner and master of the castle, but he couldn't deny that the excuse of pregnancy proved to be a very convenient way of dodging his administrative responsibilities, as well as every social call he received. Of course, Ellen didn't count. The beta Matron proved to be terrifyingly efficient when she set her mind on something. Before Castiel even realized, she had moved her office beside his bed, enabling him to fully plan the Midwinter Feast.

The Feast was the most important wintertime event. Situated in the middle of Kaamos, it marked the longest hour of night. It was the death of the old year and the birth of a new one, and, in the snowy twilight of the North, it was the perfect reason for the clan to gather together for celebration. Dean was immensely pleased when he heard that Castiel was in charge of the preparations and informed everyone willing to listen that he had full confidence in Castiel's abilities. The omega preened inwardly at the praise, but his intellectual mind was more than happy to concentrate on the feast for metaphorical new life, and try and forget the literal one growing inside him.

∞

When Castiel noticed his swollen abdomen for the first time, he vomited. He could no longer pretend it was all a dream, a nightmare he would wake up from. The palpable evidence of his pregnancy was literally out and showing, and he hated it. Dean, on the other hand, adored his belly. He became increasingly affectionate and possessive, never leaving his side for long, and positioning his wolf in Castiel's proximity in case he was away. Dean had practically no sense of privacy and he lavished Castiel in affectionate nuzzling and placed his hand fondly on Castiel's abdomen, no matter where they were. The omega inside Castiel melted under his alpha's affections, but the man in him fumed at the way he was paraded and showed off in public.

"Aren't you even ashamed?" He asked one day, after an especially public display of affection. They were in their bedchambers, Castiel resting in bed, curled on his side, and Dean moving around the room, restlessly organizing his things.

Dean looked confused. "About what?"

"Your... actions. The way you treat me, feeling me up in public."

His mate blinked several times, before he asked, baffled, "Did I make you uncomfortable?"

Castiel's lip curled slightly. "It is embarrassing. They can see us. Some even pointed at us!"

Dean grinned. "They should see us. Why shouldn't they? They are our people and they are happy for us. Besides, you are the living proof of the new year and the regrowth. It's only fitting that we are seen outside our rooms, being affectionate."

Something snapped inside Castiel. "Living proof of the new year? Is that what I am?" Castiel snarled, visibly startling his mate. "Is that why you keep showing me around, presenting me as a trophy of your virility? As the breeder, befitting my status here?"

The scent of Dean's nervousness hung heavy in the air. He took hesitant steps towards the bed, stopping at a new onslaught from Castiel.

"Did you ever think to ask me if I wanted to be treated like an object? Did it occur to you that I might feel mortified, being on display for your people to stare at? Do you even care how I feel?" Castiel realized he had sat up in bed and raised his voice, and was nearly shouting in the end. The silence that followed was thunderous and loaded.

The expression in his mate's face was one of raw anguish. "I'm sorry." Dean said, his voice hoarse. "You are right, I should have asked your permission. I was carried away by my own feelings and I didn't—." He swallowed and reached out to Castiel.

"Don't!"

Dean jerked back as if he was struck.

"Don't touch me." Castiel hissed and turned his back on his mate.

Dean's confusion, hurt and sadness reached out to him through their bond, but he shut it out. He heard Dean's shallow and stuttering inhalations, as if he was having trouble breathing properly. After a while he drew the blankets over Castiel and left the room. He should've felt good for making a point, but he felt hollow and nauseous instead. Somewhere deep inside his mind he knew he had overreacted and hurt his alpha badly, but he shoved the feeling aside.

Dean didn't share the bed with him that night.

∞

Castiel lost himself in the preparations of the Midwinter Feast. He planned and organized, and debated the menu with Ellen, whose eyes were too sharp not to miss that something was wrong. She also had enough common sense not to meddle, although it did take a lot of effort. Castiel was grateful. He wasn't sure he would survive a confrontation with the beta.

The oncoming Feast was a kind of a relief. The week before the feast was so hectic that Castiel was completely exhausted after straining himself to the limit day after day. He was satisfied though, because the more tired he was, the less energy he had to think. Therefore, he pushed and pushed, said he was fine and denied anyone from fussing. He pointedly avoided Dean's eyes that followed him, sad and concerned, and too emotional for him to bear their gaze. He knew he should apologize but he was too stubborn to make a move.

Dean hadn't tried to touch him after their row. He had returned to their bed, but he got in after Castiel had fallen asleep and left before he woke up. If it wasn't for the scent and a Dean-shaped dent in the mattress, he would've never thought his alpha was ever even there. At times Castiel woke up in the middle of the night and turned to look at the sleeping alpha, but he never touched him. Dean was beautiful in his sleep, lines of worry melted away, his face smooth and relaxed. Once Castiel almost cupped his cheek, but got ahold of his actions in time. He lay on his side instead, watching Dean sleep. In the morning, he opened his eyes to look at an empty space.

On the day of the Feast, Castiel was a wreck. No matter how much he detested his own situation, performing his duty as the Laird was important to him. He hoped that the castlefolk would find his preparations sufficient and that they would enjoy their Feast. He felt slightly fidgety and on edge, nausea was back in full force. He thought it was because he had pushed himself too far and, actually, forgotten to eat properly for a while now. He had had mild stomach cramps since morning, but he had dismissed them as hunger and anticipation.

The whole castle had been cleaned, and the castle hall had been decorated with evergreen branches, rowan berries, juniper berries, and wild cranberries. The menu was a combination of what Ellen had called traditional castle dishes and modified dishes from Castiel's home. They were quite proud of the outcome, but, despite Ellens reassurances, Castiel was worried how the castlefolk would find the new food.

Turned out, he had worried in vain. He had probably never blushed as hard as he had to the praises that were sung to him — both figuratively and literally speaking. He glanced shyly at Dean to see his reaction, which was happy and proud, but his smile was tight at the edges.

After the dinner, they went to light the bonfire. Castiel had only ever seen midsummer bonfires, but he found he quite liked the winter bonfire. First of all, it warmed nicely, as the night was really cold, and his furs and his ermine weren't nearly enough to keep him warm. It was also wildly beautiful, the blue darkness of the North emphasizing the colors of the flames and the glowing embers inside the bonfire frame.

"It's supposed to burn away the darkness of the old year and to give way to the new year."

Castiel turned to see Sam standing behind him. His hazel eyes were fixed into the flames, and, for a moment, Castiel thought Sam's eyes were liquid fire.

"He misses you," Sam continued. "He's afraid he's going to lose you."

Castiel turned back to face the flames. "I'm carrying his pup. Where would I go?"

"That's not what I was talking about."

Castiel turned his head slightly, letting the bond guide his eyes to his mate. Dean was on Castie's left, holding a small pup in his arms, another sitting on his shoulders. All three of them had open, happy smiles on their faces as they looked at the bonfire. The pup on the alpha's shoulders said something that made Dean laugh aloud, but Castiel couldn't hear it through the cracking of the fire. His mate looked happy and Castiel smiled a little. Dean turned his head a bit, and even though Castiel couldn't actually see Dean's eyes, he knew when they locked into his. He blinked and dropped his gaze, then sighed and was about to answer Sam, but the man was already gone.

Castiel lost his sense of time, immersed in thoughts, and staring into the flames. It wasn't until the bonfire had burned low that he snapped out of it. Most of the castlefolk were already gone, but some lingered, as if making sure he was alright. He felt lightheaded and decided it was time for him to go to bed. He turned and started when he almost bumped into Dean's wolf.

"Did you come to see me home safely?" He murmured and petted the wolf's ears. The totem flicked his ears and nudged Castiel's abdomen gently.

"Hmm... Yes, I should probably rest. Shall we?"

They walked slowly back to the castle. Castiel decided to hop into the castle hall to grab something light to eat. It was customary to leave food on the tables, ready to eat at any point of the night. He padded carefully inside and fumbled for some cheese, bread, and pastries, when movement on the side startled him.

" 'ppy midwntr, Cas."

Castiel drew a sharp breath. "Dean?" He got a grunt as an answer. "Dean, are you drunk?"

"Yy-ep."

"Why?"

"Found wine. Drank it." His voice was forcibly light and heavily underlined with bitterness. He was sitting by the wall, covered in shadows, and a pitcher of wine in his hand.

"But why?" Castiel didn't understand. He had never seen Dean drunk, not even tipsy. The brooding, intoxicated alpha sitting in the dark corner of the castle hall was a very different from the laughing man he had seen by the bonfire.

"B'cause!" Dean snarled leaning sharply forward. To Castiel's utmost surprise, the wolf immediately placed himself between Castiel and Dean and bared his teeth at his own human. After a tense moment of staring, Dean deflated and slumped back against the wall. "Yeah yeah. Get'im to bed," he mumbled to the wolf and turned his head in oddly submissive gesture.

The totem turned and practically pushed Castiel out of the hall. Castiel went without a fight, clutching the food in his hand. His head was spinning and he didn't understand what had happened. He let the wolf guide him to his — their — bedchamber, playing out the night's events in his head. What had caused the sudden change in Dean's behavior? Sam's words had sounded like a warning, but for what? Castiel didn't feel that good, so he climbed into bed and decided to try nibbling some cheese. Maybe it would help to settle his stomach?

He slept fitfully, his dreams troubled and dark, and, when he woke up in the middle of the night to see an empty space beside him, it took Castiel several hours to fall back to sleep.

In the morning, he didn't feel much better. His head hurt, he was nauseous, and the stomach pain hadn't lessened at all. Castiel decided to stay in bed and recover from the Midwinter Feast, even though it meant he had too much time to think. He tried to evade the serious thoughts for as long as he could, entertaining himself by contemplating cheese, bread, bonfires and wool covers. Self-denial was a wondrous thing, when you've gotten the hang of it.

At some point during the day (or what was defined as day during the perpetual twilight blue), there was a knock on the door. Castiel shuffled out of bed, wincing a little at the cramps, and padded to the door. It was Dean, and he looked terrible.

"I-." Dean blinked, as if he hadn't expected Castiel to actually open the door.

"Would you like to come inside?"

Dean opened his mouth and then closed it with a snap. "No." He shook his head tiredly. "I only wanted to apologize my behavior from last night. I was out of line. I was drunk and —. Well. I was drunk." His eyes were bloodshot and he was clearly very hungover. Their bond roiled with shame and longing, and Dean's scent was a mess. His eyes flicked to Castiel's before they slid away, but that brief glance had shown him two green pools of grief and pain.

"Um. Okay?" It came out as a question. Castiel bit his lip, at loss for what to do next.

Dean nodded sharply before he turned and walked away, shoulders slumped, and a desolate air around him. For once, his wolf accompanied him. Castiel stared after them, completely confused and bewildered. It struck him that Dean's eyes had been puffy, like he had been crying. He sighed and turned back to the room, closing the door behind him. He still didn't feel well, his nausea and stomach cramps worsening. He decided to get some more sleep, and crawled under the blankets.

He saw odd dreams of flames, burning eyes and hissing noises. He felt feverish and, through the haze of the dream, he smelled something sharp and coppery and wrong. Fighting the grip of the dream world he forced his eyes open, and the coppery smell got suddenly stronger.

Blood. It was blood. All over the bed, soaking through the mattress, tainting the air around him. Castiel felt light-headed and nauseous, as he stared at the red pool between his legs. The blood came from him, the new life Dean had already started to love so fiercely was bleeding out of Castiel, his body rejecting the pup and pushing it out. He realized that the cramps he had felt earlier were the work of his womb, carrying out his wishes to get rid if the life he hadn't wanted to nurse inside him.

But Castiel wanted it now. He cried out in pain and anguish, frantic to hold on, to turn his wishes around and make everything alright. But it was already too late.

 

* * *

 

When Dean felt the sheer panic and pain surge through the bond, he dropped everything and ran. He was vaguely aware of Ellen's concerned shout somewhere behind him, but he paid it no attention. His first and only concern was to get to Castiel. His wolf was already on the move, Castiel's distress calling him too, and he beat Dean to the bedchambers. Dean's worry rocketed when he felt terror flowing from his wolf, but nothing prepared him to what he was to see.

The first thing he noticed was the thick smell of blood, Castiel's blood, hanging in the air, and then he saw it. He froze in shock, staring at his mate laying in a puddle of blood, holding his abdomen, and crying out in pain and terror.

No!

_No no no no no no..._

For a second, Dean couldn't move, overcome with desperation. Then, with considerable mental effort, he shook himself out of it and turned sharply to his wolf. "Get Ellen, NOW!" He barked, and the wolf reacted immediately.

Dean swallowed and went to Castiel, and, ignoring the blood, gathered his mate in his arms, holding Castiel against his chest, stroking his hair and rubbing his back. He felt his omega's body contracting under his hand, palpable proof of how the promise of their pup was ruthlessly being forced out. Castiel cried and whimpered in pain and, frustrated at his futile attempts in comforting him, Dean felt his eyes water as well.

It didn't take long for Ellen to barge in. She stopped at the door when the smell of blood slammed into her. Castiel was panting in Dean's arms, and, nearly out of his mind with fear, Dean pleaded, "Do something! Help him! Please!"

Ellen walked towards them, and when she saw the amount of blood, she sighed, her eyes full of sadness. "I'm sorry, honey. I'm so sorry. I don't think there's anything to be done."

"No!" Dean growled. "There has to be. This can't be happening, not like this. Not like this..." Voice breaking he clutched Castiel near, as if he could banish this nightmare by sheer power of his will.

The clamor and the smell of blood, pain, not to mention the combined distress of humans and totems alike, had drawn servants to the room, and Dean knew that by midnight all of his people would know. He gritted his teeth at the inevitability, but deep down he was aware that it was also their right. Fortunately, his servants were sensible and compassionate folk, and in no time they had provided them hot water, warm towels and bandages, and fresh bed linens. Dean could see the sorrow in their eyes as they left the room.

With Dean's wolf and Ellen's lynx guarding the door, Ellen changed the bloody bed linens to fresh ones, while Dean gave Castiel a quick, gentle bath, washing away the blood. He couldn't help feeling that he was washing away their pup, too, and the thought was almost enough to force him to his knees in grief. But he couldn't break down, not now when he had Castiel to take care of. Castiel, who had been towed to the North to mate with him and carry his pups; Castiel, who was so pale, so fragile and so heartbroken.

He couldn't get the omega to drink anything, so he only helped him into a clean tunic and carried him back to bed. With Ellen's assistance, he wrapped the bandages around Castiel's groin to help to manage the blood flow. Castiel whimpered softly in pain whenever they moved him, and it almost broke Dean's heart. He couldn't even begin to imagine what Castiel was going through, but he fervently hoped he could ease his pain even a little.

Dean climbed in bed with his mate and maneuvered himself to spoon Castiel, mindful of the towels and bandages in between his legs. The curled, fetal position seemed to ease his mate somewhat, for which Dean was... not happy, no, but grimly content. Ellen went away for a moment, but returned soon with a hot water bottle, instructing Dean to place it to Castiel's lower abdomen. The effect was instantaneous and Dean let out a shuddering breath out of bringing his omega at least some relief.

Castiel's totem was dazed, his human's physical and mental pain affecting him, too. Dean didn't even have to say anything, all it took was a sideways glance, and his wolf took the small, furry totem and curled his bigger form around the ermine. It wasn't much, but the ermine was soon visibly calmer. He wasn't sure what good it could do, but maybe a calm totem might help to ease Castiel's tortured mind.

When Castiel finally fell asleep, Dean was relieved, but too much on edge to sleep himself. He kept playing the last couple of weeks in his mind, went over his actions and Castiel's reactions, trying to find out what had gone wrong. There had to be a reason for this, and Dean wanted to find it to avoid anything like this from happening ever again.

After the awkwardness of their first meeting had receded, Dean had been more than glad when it dawned him what kind of omega he was about bond with. He had had his reservations about his father's plans, but for once it seemed that Lord John had gotten it right. Castiel was intelligent, well-read, quick to learn, ready to stand up for himself and drop dead gorgeous. Dean wondered why he had been so nervous about mating with a male in the first place, as Castiel had been just so perfect.

He had fallen for the omega the minute he had seen the defiance flash in those unbelievably blue eyes. He had wanted to court his mate properly, but Dean had always been a man of actions, not words like Sam. He couldn't find the right words to say, he couldn't write poetry or even letters (aside from formal ones, and they weren't that romantic), all he could do was to show Castiel how much he meant to him. He had tried. Heavens above, how he had tried.

Dean had tried to be considerate and careful, giving Castiel his own space and time to adjust to the life in the North before going through the bonding ceremony. They had calculated the ceremony to be as close to Castiel's natural heat cycle as possible, in order not to disrupt it too much. It had seemed like the right thing to do, both before and after bonding. Castiel had taken his place, slowly learned the routines of the castle and his duties as the Laird. He had been an enthusiastic student and charmed his way into Sam and Bobby's hearts. Or well, Bobby's heart, as Sam's was so wide open that there was hardly any need for charm.

And then they had found out about the pregnancy.

Dean had been beside himself with joy. He had dreamt of a mate and a family for as long as he could remember, and the thought that he was about to have them both was almost too much. He had instantly fallen in love with the pup, the idea of the pup, and had tried to convey all his love and adoration through the bond, his touch and his words to Castiel and to the new life he had been carrying. He had wanted to show Castiel that there was nothing he wouldn't do for them, that they made his life complete and worth living.

And he had scared Castiel away.

His father had once said that he felt too much, too intensely. He had never understood the sentiment, but now Dean though it made sense. He had been too eager, loved too much and too fiercely, and he had crushed his mate along the way.

When Castiel had rejected him, it had almost broken Dean. He had been so happy to show his mate, his family and everyone around him, how precious and important his omega was, how deeply Dean loved and cherished him, and how immensely significant the fragile new life was for him. He had let his alpha brain take over, stomping over Castiel in the process, completely overlooking his opinion. What kind of an alpha was he? He had hurt Castiel and paid for it dearly.

His omega had been so beautiful by the bonfire, the light of the flames painting him golden and gorgeous. And what had Dean done? Played with the pups of one of his guards, ignoring his own mate and the pup he was carrying. Castiel had looked at him once and then turned away, and Dean didn't blame him. He had skulked to the hall to drink alone, and that brilliant act had led him snarling to his own mate, forcing his own wolf into the protective mode and to bare his teeth at him. Later, he had drunk himself unconscious, and in the morning, after waking up in Sam's bed, he had cried for hours about his own stupidity.

Dean wished someone had said something, maybe then he would have been able to step back in time to prevent this from happening. Maybe they should have waited over the winter to bond. Maybe he shouldn't have knotted Castiel at all. Maybe he should've been more reserved and not so enthusiastic, so eager. Maybe he should've given Ellen the responsibility of the Midwinter Feast.

The realization hit him like a hammer. The Feast. Castiel had been in charge of everything, although Ellen had been a huge help. But initially it had been Castiel who had taken care of the preparations. He had been pushing himself to the limit, trying to prove himself. And Dean, stupid, alpha Dean, had been so proud of his mate, his omega, who had done such a wonderful job putting together a better Midwinter Feast than anyone could remember. Not even once had he stopped to actually think if Castiel was well enough to do it at all.

He had pushed Castiel too much, and it had cost them their pup.

Dean had killed their pup.

The self-loathing was so strong that he almost vomited. He clutched Castiel convulsively, causing him to whimper in the middle of his slumber. No wonder Castiel had been so subdued, suffocating under Dean's attention. His omega had been drowning and Dean had been the one to push him under.

Dean forced his arms to relax around his mate and pressed his forehead to Castiel's hair. He didn't deserve to be in this bed, and, after Castiel recovered, he would leave him in peace. He was probably causing Castiel pain just by being there, but his alpha instinct to protect a mate in pain and distress was too strong to ignore.

∞

Castiel bled for two weeks and Dean never left his side. He bathed and clothed his mate, changed the bed linens and forced Castiel to eat little morsels of food every now and then. He was determined to do this; he owed this to his omega. He ignored Sam and Ellen's worried faces and reproachful words, telling them to shut up or piss off, either was fine by him. They obliged, swallowing their protests, but Dean was pretty sure he was going to have an earful at some point. But he didn't care. His focus was solely on Castiel, and he couldn't let his mind wander.

They didn't talk. Castiel was a wraith, a pale and wispy thing, barely solid enough to touch. His face was bleak and emotionless, his eyes dull and empty, and he hardly ever moved. Dean was tense with guilt, walking with his shoulders braced, waiting for a verbal or physical hit he felt he deserved. It never came. Castiel's eyes were focused inwards as he stared at the wall or the floor, oblivious of his surroundings and Dean. The alpha didn't blame him.

When the bleeding stopped, Dean cleaned the rooms and made himself ready to leave. He had informed Ellen and the servants of the coming change, and they would take charge of Castiel the following morning. His brother had been covering for his duties in his absence, but Dean knew there would be a shitload of work waiting for him. Just as well, as it would help him focus on something else than the disaster he had caused. Maybe. Hopefully.

Before Dean left the room, he turned to his wolf. "Stay with him, please. He's my everything, even though he doesn't want to be." He said hoarsely. His wolf blinked at him, turned, and padded softly to the bed and hopped up to curl on the foot of the bed. Castiel's ermine crawled out from under his human's arm to bury himself into the bigger totem's side. Dean felt relieved: at least their totems trusted each other.

He drank in the sight of his sleeping mate, caressing his form with his gaze and kissing him with his eyes. "I'm sorry," he whispered and left the room.

 

* * *

 

Castiel became a ghost. He treaded in his rooms carefully, as if he didn't know if the world was real or not. He felt detached and loose; he had hard time concentrating on anything, including moving his limbs. He would sit at the edge of his bed for hours, staring at the wall, while the world and its occupants continued their way around him. Sometimes he heard someone talking to him, but it was distant, like whispers in the wind, nothing to concern himself with. He was floating in the hazy twilight at the edge of his mind, where he barely remembered who he was.

They were his rooms now, ever since Dean had packed his things and left. Castiel didn't blame him. He had failed in his only obligation; he had miscarried the pup Dean had wanted and he hadn't. He had robbed Dean of the chance to smile at his own pup like he had to the pups by the bonfire. The only one to blame was Castiel himself.

He had been surprised when Dean had stayed with him and taken care of him, cleaning Castiel and his bloody mess, force feeding him and holding him through the painful cramps. Ellen had brought him willow bark tea to ease the pain, but the only things that had actually helped were the hot water bottle and his alpha. When Dean had cradled him in his arms, he had felt like the alpha was the anchor keeping him from drowning, the only thing that kept him sane in the haze of blood and pain.

And then the bleeding had stopped and Dean had left.

Castiel had stirred from his slumber when the bed had tipped. He had thought it was Dean, but instead it was his wolf, who curled on the foot of the bed, with Castiel's ermine hurriedly crawling into his embrace. Castiel had been too tired to move when he had heard a soft "I'm sorry," and he had soon succumbed back to sleep. When he had woken up, Dean had already gone.

The wolf had stayed and never left, though. His presence grounded to Castiel, a solid bulk of reality to cling on to tightly, sometimes literally. The canine totem never complained, never indicated anything through his facial expressions or their light connection, although Castiel was quite sure that, when the nightmares hit, he was hurting the wolf when he gripped his fur. But he only licked Castiel's hand when he apologized, sending him a mental eye-roll and nudging him gently with his snout.

If the servants thought it strange that their Lord had vacated his bedchambers and his Laird shared his bed with two totems, they never commented on it. Not that Castiel saw many of them. He didn't want to leave his chambers and there were only a couple of servants who were admitted in. They were polite and calm, giving their "good-mornings" and "good-nights" as well as "anything you need, my Laird?" with soft voices, not quite meeting his eyes. Castiel was pretty sure it was because they pitied and resented him. Why wouldn't they? He had let the clan and their beloved Lord down.

Ellen and Sam were the only ones who came to see him daily. Jo with her arctic fox was a burst of sunny energy, but frankly quite exhausting (of that her mother was all too aware of), and for that reason she didn't visit regularly. There were no others, but it didn't really bother Castiel, as he was well aware that he had no real friends in the castle. He also wasn't surprised about the fact that Dean didn't came, as he didn't expect him to.

Ellen tried to involve him in managing the castle again, but Castiel was so wrung out that he barely managed his own daily activities, and even getting out of bed was a challenge. Nonetheless, she kept on trying and showed up at his door every morning after breakfast. Sam came at some point during the afternoon or in the evening, but, unlike Ellen, he didn't try to involve Castiel in anything. He usually had a couple of books and a tray with food and mulled cider with him, basically coming to Castiel's chambers to spend time.

It didn't take Castiel long to realize that they were keeping an eye on him. It wasn't unheard of that an omega would try to take their own life after a miscarriage, especially if abandoned by their mate. In addition to that he was mated off to a stranger on the other side of the country, it was the middle of winter and the sun hadn't been out for a long, long time. If there was a worse situation for a heartbroken omega to be in, Castiel didn't exactly want to find out.

He had been thinking about it: taking his own life. During the long hours, while he laid in his big, lonely bed waiting for sleep that never came, he wondered if everything would be better if he was no more. He was a failure, a disgrace of an omega. It would set Dean free to find a better mate and free Castiel from the guilt that pressed his chest and nearly choked him. It would free Ellen and Sam from babysitting their broken excuse of a Laird and allow them to return to their real duties. He was quite convinced it would be better for everyone if he just ended everything.

∞

In the middle of yet another sleepless night he got out of bed and padded softly out of his chambers. He didn't bother putting warmer clothes on, as he didn't actually notice the chill. He felt a strange calm settle over him as he walked the empty halls in his light tunic, bare feet silent on the cold floor. Absently, he brushed the bond between himself and Dean, feeling Dean's presence steady and strong, before he detached himself from it. The bond was of no use to him now. He headed to a narrow stairway leading to the wall, the cold biting him when he opened the door. He paid no heed to the freezing temperature and climbed slowly, painstakingly up. When he finally reached the top of the wall, he stopped to catch his breath. He was shivering and couldn't feel his feet, but it was of no matter.

The landscape around him was silent in the perpetual bluish darkness, broken by scattered lights here and there. Torches, Castiel knew. They were like bright stars in the snowy scenery, promises of warmth, home and security, things to which he no longer had any right. He let his gaze caress the view of Grey Castle and the lands surrounding it. He had grown fond of the sturdy castle and its stubborn and independent people. Had things gone differently, he would have enjoyed his life here.

It was snowing big, fluffy flakes, and Castiel raised his face to the sky and let snowflakes fall on his face. They felt like cool kisses. How appropriate, he thought, to be kissed by snowflakes before the end. Poetic, even. He leaned his temple to the icy stone and closed his eyes. Soon, it would be all over. Heavens, he was so tired.

Teeth chattering, Castiel jerked himself to stand straight. He stepped to the edge of the wall and climbed on it. With shaking legs he stood, leaning to the icy stone, closed his eyes and whispered, "Goodbye, Dean." Then he let go and leaned forward and —

— a weight slammed into his chest, throwing him backwards. He gasped in surprise and not a little amount of pain, as he landed sprawled on the floor, his back and head colliding with the cold stone. Sharp talons dug painfully into his ribcage, and when he pried his eyes open, he was greeted with the fiercely burning eyes of Sam's owl.

Castiel flailed and tried to get up, but the owl dug his talons tighter and flapped his wings threateningly. "Sam, let me go!" Castiel wailed, desperate. Why did they stop him?

There was a peculiar pressure between his temples, and then a very clear —  _NO —_  echoed inside his skull.

Shocked, Castiel froze and stared the owl with wide eyes.

That was not possible.

Castiel was still gaping at the owl pinning him down, when he heard people burst through the door to the wall. He tore his eyes from the furious totem at his chest, startled, when he saw the wall full of totems, aviating totems, to be precise. They perched on the wall, ready to take flight, and some were even hovering above, seemingly relaxed, but alert to act immediately.

"They are here for you." Somehow, Sam was there, his giant frame folding when he knelt beside Castiel, his owl hopping aside.

"What? Why?" Castiel didn't understand. Why would the totems be there for him?

"Because you are the Laird of the castle." Sam said gently. "You are important."

Castiel closed his eyes. "No, I'm not. I'm useless," he muttered. He felt tired and warm and wanted just curl to his side and fall asleep.

"Castiel! Cas! Don't close your eyes! ...damn it." Sam's voice was urgent and he shook Castiel's shoulder with a bit more force than Castiel thought was necessary. He wanted to tell Sam not to fuss, that everything was okay, he just wanted to sleep. There was shouting and someone lifted Castiel up in their arms, but he wasn't sure and it was so warm and he was so tired and he only wanted to sleep and then it was all black.

 

* * *

 

Dean realized that something was wrong when the bond went oddly subdued and dull, withering as if it was barely there. He was currently returning to the castle from visiting a farmer family that had had an accident, their roof breaking under the strain of the snow. He had been nodding off in the saddle, but jerked up, turning his head towards the way he knew Castiel was in, eyes wide and body tense. Panic flooded through him to the connection with his totem, and when the response was grim determination laced with fright, he spurred his horse.

It took him awhile to get back to the castle, as the family lived in relative seclusion and the road was partly snowed in. He felt around the bond at times, relief washing over him when he confirmed that it was still there. What the hell had happened? It had felt like Castiel had almost died. Had he failed his mate again?

When he finally reached the castle, there were far more people around than could be considered normal in the middle of the night. The castleyard was alight with torches, and when Dean rushed in, it seemed like everyone was awake. Sam was waiting for him, his expression grim and worried.

"Sam, wha-?" He didn't get further than that.

"He tried to jump. I don't know how he was able to slip to the roof unnoticed, or, more importantly, away from bed without the totems waking up. We were almost too late..." His voice caught. Dean blanched and swayed on his feet, stumbling back to the wall behind him and slid down to the floor.

"I'm not sure what happened, but suddenly my owl was practically screaming in my head and I saw Castiel standing on the wall and leaning forward... And, oh heavens above, I thought he was going to fall... And then I surged forward and slammed into his chest knocking him back. He tried to fight me off and told me to let him go, and I yelled no."

Dean stared at his brother. His mind was in turmoil, trying to wrap itself over the fact that his mate had tried to take his own life. Sam's declaration of skinwalking was an insanity he could deal with some other time.

"He's in bed right now. He was out in his tunic only, and got quite cold. You need to go there Dean, and you need to go there now." Sam's face was haggard and he reeked of distress and fear.

"I can't."

"Dean, what the hell? He's your mate and he needs you!" Sam narrowed his eyes at Dean. "I don't know what has happened between you two, but this is your duty," he snapped. "And he thinks he's useless. If you don't go to him, you'll just confirm his worst fear."

Dean blinked. "Useless? Why would he think that?"

"I dunno. Maybe because you abandoned him?" Sam's voice was exasperated, the kind he got when he thought Dean was being exceptionally stupid.

"I did not!" Dean sputtered. "I only left him in peace..." His voice trailed away. Dean closed his eyes and sighed. "I'm a real idiot, aren't I?" Sam only tilted his head and raised an eyebrow at him.

He had stayed away from Castiel, because he had thought it was the right thing to do. Him being near was only going to hurt the omega, and it was the last thing he wanted. But it seemed he had gotten it wrong again, and it had almost cost him his mate. His Castiel. He knocked his head to the wall and huffed a humorless laugh. "I'm hopeless. What would I do without you?"

Sam extended his hand to Dean and helped him up. "You're not hopeless, just really, really thick sometimes. And you'd be lost without me," he grinned, and then turned serious again. "Go."

Dean nodded and went.

Castiel was in bed, his ermine, Dean's wolf and Ellen's lynx curled around him, and he was shivering uncontrollably. His face was taut and his lips were bluish. Ellen motioned the servants out when Dean rushed in.

"Took you long enough," she snapped and would hear no explanations. "Strip. And don't you go all coy on me, I've seen your butt many a time already. Your mate is hypothermic and you need to get him warm." She smelled irritated and impatient, but underneath was a heavy layer of fear.

Dean stripped in a hurry and climbed into bed, maneuvering his mate into his arms to get as much skin contact as possible. Castiel was terribly cold. His skin was chilly and clammy, and he was shivering so much that Dean thought it best to lock Castiel's legs between his thighs. He pressed Castiel to his chest and turned his head so that his mate could scent him and Dean was able to press his nose to his omega's hair.

Ellen tucked them in with multiple blankets, and the wolf lay down on the other side of Castiel. She ordered servants to get some hot water bottles, just to make sure that they would be warm all over. Eventually she was content, and after checking if Dean needed anything, she left them in peace. Dean doubted she would get any sleep after the fright, but perhaps she could get some rest at least.

It took a long time for Castiel to warm up, even with the combined heat from Dean, the wolf, hot water bottles and several blankets. Dean stayed awake the whole time, rubbing his mate's sides and back, as if trying to force the cold out of him. Eventually Castiel's tremors eased and his breathing slowed. Dean moved his head to study his mate, and was dismayed to see that warming up had done nothing to his haggard looks. He sighed deeply and decided to strive to be a better alpha from now on.

In the morning, Castiel was no longer shivering with cold, he was burning up.

∞

The fever was a vicious one. Considering that Castiel had been weak to begin with, the whole castle held their breath, fervently hoping that the Laird would make it out alive. Dean refused to leave his side, even when he was nearly toppling with exhaustion himself. Castiel's condition fluctuated from high fever to shivering chill, and Dean desperately tried to keep up, using shared body warmth and cool towels to ease his mate's condition. During an exceptionally serious spike of fever, which left Castiel panting and delirious, Dean wiped him with cool towels and pleaded brokenly, "Cas, you have to live. Please, Cas, I need you."

He had no idea whether Castiel could hear him or not.

 

* * *

 

A week later everyone was able to breath again. Castiel was alive, his fever broken, but he was very, very weak. He couldn't stand — in fact, he could barely even sit up in bed propped up with pillows, and lifting a cup of water was beyond his strength. Dean refused to let anyone else touch him and actually growled at a servant, who was unfortunate enough to help Castiel shift to his other side. The poor beta woman nearly toppled over her own legs when she fled the bedchambers. Castiel would have found it slightly amusing, had he had the strength to do so.

He had no recollection of what had happened. He understood that he had been seriously ill, one glance at Dean's worry-stricken eyes combined with his weakened state was enough. He remembered vaguely something about snow, and then it was all hazy. He wanted to ask Dean about it, but was too weak to do so, and as such he just laid there, the two totems faithfully at his side.

When Castiel had first woken up, he had felt awful and everything had hurt: his joints, his muscles, his head, his lungs... His throat had hurt, when he had whispered "Dean" to his mate, who had been standing beside the bed, his back to Castiel, pouring a cup of mulled wine. Dean had dropped the cup and swirled around, shock and hope written on his face. Dean had been so relieved by his awakening that he had cried. Castiel had never seen an alpha cry before and it had shaken him to the core. Dean had pressed his forehead to Castiel's, cupping his face in his big hands, tears streaming freely down his cheeks. "You're alive, you're awake! Oh heavens above, I thought I lost you, please don't ever leave me," he had babbled over and over again, and Castiel had wondered if he had died after all.

But he hadn't died, although it had been a very close call. And now Dean was here, taking care of him and growling at servants.

He liked watching Dean. Since he was so weak, there wasn't that much what he could do, but he was able to watch. Dean was tired, too; Castiel could see it. He felt a pang of guilt and closed his eyes. It was his fault that Dean was tired. He had added yet another burden on his alpha's shoulders, and now Dean was stuck here, in his (Their?) chambers, caring for his useless mate yet again.

"Don't do that."

Castiel opened his eyes, and stared into Dean's green eyes. He frowned slightly as if asking 'do what?'

"Don't blame yourself. This was not your fault. If you want to blame someone, blame me."

Castiel's eyes widened. "I left you alone. I thought I was doing right by you, but I was horribly wrong. I know I have no right to ask your forgiveness, but I hope that someday you'll be able to forgive me." Dean's voice was thick with emotion and his eyes were full of anguish and sadness. Castiel felt the enormousness of his desolation through the brittle tendrils of their bond and it nearly overwhelmed him. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, bracing himself, and then tried to convey his own regret and contrition, as well as his gratitude to his mate. From Dean's relieved sigh and relaxing shoulders he could see that at least something had gone through.

The act left Castiel exhausted and he sagged back to the pillows. Dean was instantly at his side and placed his hand to Castiel's forehead to check the fever.

"No fever, that's good. Would you like some food? Ellen made more of that thick broth you liked." Dean looked at him expectantly. "Oh. Yeah. You're probably too weak to talk yet, and using the bond will exhaust you too much. How about if you blink once for yes and twice for no?" Castiel blinked once.

Dean gave him a relieved smile. "Good. I'll call a servant to fetch some soup. I'll be right back."

It was Ellen who showed up with a tray laden with food. When Dean raised a brow at her, she scoffed. "It's not all for Castiel, you daft alpha. You haven't eaten properly for ages and I expect this tray to return empty." She set the tray to the table and pointed at Dean to sit on the couch. "Sit. Eat." Dean tried to grumble an argument, but Ellen turned her back at him and walked to Castiel.

"Hello, honey," she said softly, her eyes warm and full of concern. "You gave us a hell of a scare up there. I hope you are feeling better now."

Castiel frowned. He had no idea what Ellen was talking about. She took his hand in hers, squeezing it gently. "Ah, I take you don't remember a thing?" Castiel blinked twice. Ellen blinked back, before realization lit her eyes. "Once for yes, twice for no?" Castiel confirmed.

"Do you want to know?" Ellen asked after a moment of contemplation. Castiel shifted his eyes to Dean, who seemed to be concentrating on his food, but was probably listening intently. He looked back at Ellen and blinked once.

Ellen nodded. "Do you remember your miscarriage?" She asked, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. Castiel blinked. As if he could forget. "Do you remember me and Sam spending time with you?" Blink. Ellen paused minutely, and then, "Do you remember the night when you went out to the wall?"

Blink. Blink.

Ellen hesitated and glanced at Dean, as if asking his permission. Castiel frowned. Why would Ellen need Dean's permission to tell Castiel what had happened? When Dean didn't react, Ellen turned back to Castiel.

"You went to the wall in the middle of the night, alone, clad only in your tunic. You tried to jump, Castiel. If it wasn't for Sam and his totem, you'd be dead."  
Castiel stared at her.

"You made him skinwalk with his owl, you know. Nobody believed it was possible anymore, but apparently it is. They pushed you from the brink and saved your life. But you had been outside for too long and it was freezing cold, and you nearly got yourself killed, anyways." She reached to stroke Castiel's hair and rested her palm on his cheek. "Don't try that anymore, okay? I'm getting too old for this." She planted a soft kiss on Castiel's forehead before she got up.

"I think your soup has cooled enough for you to eat it." She said and left.

What had he done? Castiel closed his eyes. Heavens above, he had tried to take his own life? He tried to reach back in time, trying to understand what had caused him to make such a decision. All he could find was blackness, loneliness and hopelessness, and it made him shudder.

A warm hand cupped his face and he leaned to the touch. "Hey," Dean said softly. "Do you think you could eat?" Castiel opened his eyes and looked at his alpha. He didn't deserve him, but he was here anyway.

"Cas?" Dean asked tentatively. Castiel blinked.

The broth was excellent: thick and creamy but not too heavy lest it upset his stomach. Castiel ate half of it and then closed his eyes tiredly. Dean made him drink a cup of honeyed water, and then helped Castiel lay down on his side, tucking him in with careful, firm hands. Castiel's ermine curled on his neck, a warm and comforting presence, and the wolf stretched his massive form alongside Castiel's back. He felt coddled, but surprisingly content. The mattress dipped slightly as Dean leaned on it and kissed Castiel's temple. "Get some sleep. I'll be here."

∞

Agonizingly slowly, his condition started to improve. With time, he was able to sit up in bed and eat by himself. He was still desperately weak and needed to be carried as his legs refused to hold his weight. He knew that with his alpha strength Dean had no problems carrying him, but Castiel felt embarrassed by it anyway. He hid his face on Dean's shirt, but instead of getting annoyed, Dean gripped him tighter, possessively, and it made Castiel feel ridiculously safe.

Castiel didn't talk much. First it was because he was too tired, and when he regained some of his strength, he had nothing to say. He was still trying to comprehend the enormity of what had happened, of what he had nearly done. He had no words for it, not yet. He stopped blinking though, as he was well capable of using simple phrases like "yes", "no", "thank you", "please" and "Dean, you're an idiot." The latter had been very convenient, when his alpha had decided it was perfectly okay for him to sleep on the floor. Castiel wasn't sure which he preferred more: the gaping expression or the blush on his alpha's face, but at least Dean didn't suggest sleeping on the floor after that.

He was gradually gaining the weight and strength to move around in their chambers, but Dean didn't let him out on his own. He blatantly informed Castiel that if he wished to go out, the only way was on Dean's arms. Castiel hissed at him (which made Dean laugh) and then was bewildered at his own behavior (which made Dean laugh more). But eventually he conceded, as they both knew he would.

The first time they ventured out of their chambers, Castiel was very, very nervous. He wasn't sure how the castlefolk, or even Sam, Jo or Rufus, for that matter, would welcome him. Dean bundled him in a blanket and carried him to the hall, his embrace a calming and safe place for Castiel to be. But the nearer they got, the more anxious Castiel became. He buried his face on Dean's neck, drinking up his scent and letting the essence of his alpha wash over him.

Dean stopped before they reached the hall. His wolf trailed a bit further and then stopped too, and turned to watch them.

"What's the matter?" Dean asked, genuinely concerned.

Castiel breathed in deeply his alpha scent to get courage to ask the question he had been mulling over for some time now. "Will they hate me?" His voice was subdued and muffled, his face still buried into Dean's neck.

"What?" Dean asked, baffled, moving his head to look at Castiel. "Why would they?"

Castiel swallowed. "Because of what happened. Because I lost the pup. Because I tried to —." His voice caught and he realized he was trembling. He couldn't meet his mate's eyes and closed his eyes. Which was why he nearly fell from Dean's arms as his alpha kissed him. It was soft and gentle, an almost reverent kiss and it left Castiel speechless.

"No, they won't and they don't." Dean said quietly. "But if you don't want to do this today, we'll go back." He stood still, waiting for Castiel to decide where they would go from there. Castiel pondered for a while, chewing his lip, but he knew he didn't really have a choice: if he turned back now, he would never have the courage to try again. "Okay," he said.

"Okay," Dean repeated and glanced at his wolf, who stood up and padded into the hall.

Castiel wondered briefly why Dean had ordered the wolf in, but when the hall fell silent, he understood. Dean had sent his totem in first to give their people a heads-up, as everyone knew that the wolf was never far from Castiel. When the conversation picked up again, Dean looked at Castiel for the final confirmation, and, at Castiel's nod, he started forward.

They slipped into the hall, and, because of Dean's wolf, no-one gave them much attention. They noticed, of course, but apart from nods and smiles, the castlefolk left their Lord and Laird in peace. Well, at least until Jo spotted them.

"Castiel!" She squealed, her arctic fox rushing to him in a white blur, promptly jumping onto his lap, which his ermine didn't find very amusing. Dean grunted at the added weight and the hissing ermine, and located seating for them. He set Castiel carefully on the bench by the wall and arranged the blanket around him. A young alpha (Kevin, Castiel remembered) brought a couple of pillows that Dean used to make him comfortable. Castiel thanked Kevin with a smile that left the young man flustered.

Jo sat at his side and started chattering away. She was her usual perky, energetic self, but this time Castiel didn't find her irritating. He leaned his head to the wall behind him and let Jo's voice and sunny, happy scent envelope him in a comforting cocoon while he watched Dean, who had gone to talk to the people gathered in the hall. He had been told, before the... incident, that the hall was a place for all the castlefolk to gather during wintertime, to tell stories, to knit and craft, and to spend time together. It was a lot different from Castiel's home, where nobility, common folk, and servants led separate lives. Castiel was a lot more fond of the Northern way.

He couldn't keep his eyes open, and soon he drifted off into light sleep. He woke with a start, when Dean touched his shoulder gently. "Hey," he said. "Do you want to eat here or go back?"

Castiel considered. "I think we should eat here and then go back." Dean nodded, obviously pleased, and went to fetch them food that had been carried into the hall while Castiel was napping. Watching Dean interact with his people was fascinating. He had the ability to create a warm, charismatic bubble around him, and focus solely on each individual, no matter what their business was. He didn't pull on his status or act out; he was his natural self, the natural leader and Lord.

Michael would have so much to learn from Dean, Castiel mused.

They had a light dinner in the hall, and, after asking Castiel if it was okay, Dean beckoned Jo and Rufus to join them. Ellen was busy and Sam was away checking on another family, who had had an accident with the snow. Castiel was nervous as he still wasn't sure how he would be received, but he felt pleasantly warm and content with his company, and through their bond he knew Dean shared the feeling.

Despite the nap, Castiel soon tired. He turned his head slightly towards Dean, but his alpha was already on the move, attuned to Castiel after caring for him for so long. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean's neck as Dean took him into his arms, and rested his head on Dean's shoulder. "Thank you," he whispered into Dean's neck. His mate didn't answer, but the warmth from the bond was enough.

∞

Dinner in the hall became a daily activity. Dean carried Castiel there with practiced ease, and Castiel sat on the bench by the wall that quickly became his own spot. In the fourth evening there were pillows and extra blankets waiting for him, and Castiel felt a warmth spread inside him at the practical display of affection. Dean was visibly pleased and smiled brightly the whole evening through.

They usually had at least Sam, Jo and Ellen as company, but eventually Dean started to invite others to dine with them, if Castiel indicated it was okay. Even though Castiel knew it was normal for them, it constantly surprised him how relaxed and easygoing the Northerners were. On the other hand it was probably only practical, as it would be challenging to keep up strict rank-based routines when trapped by snow for extended periods of time.

Besides, Castiel didn't really believe in ranks. When naked, they were all the same: lord and servant, nobleman, and commoner. Titles could be created on a whim but it was the nobility of a person, not rank, that made the difference. Observing Dean mingle with his people, Castiel could confidently proclaim that his alpha was noble, inside and out. Some of his thoughts must have bled through the bond, as Dean turned to look at him with a quizzical face. Castiel averted his eyes hastily, but not fast enough to miss the soft smile on Dean's face and he felt his cheeks flush.

When Castiel walked into the hall for the first time since the Midwinter Feast, everyone did stop, and Castiel froze, suddenly nervous about the attention. Then he was swept into a tight hug by Ellen, and everything was back to normal again.

It was Dean who encouraged him to go for a walk every now and then, whenever he started to feel strong enough. Castiel was hesitant at first, but Dean assured that it would be fine. The wolf was his constant companion anyway, and if he started carefully, everything would go well. Which it did. Castiel started practicing in the hallway and staircase, climbing up and down several times a day, almost toppling from exhaustion in the beginning, but soon regaining his strength. With Dean's permission he ventured outside, accompanied by Jo or Sam, as Castiel had grudgingly agreed to do. Turned out that walking outside in the snow-covered courtyard was more tiring than walking inside, and Castiel was very grateful for Dean's insistence of having company. Not that he would actually admit it to his alpha.

Little by little, he extended his walks, starting with walking around the courtyard once, twice, thrice, and moving outside the castle next. Dean's wolf never complained, but by the time Castiel's walks took him to the woods, Jo announced that she was out of the deal as she would _'rather stay inside than crawl around in the snow, thank you very much.'_ Sam, on the other hand, was more than happy to accompany Castiel on his walkabouts. More often than not they walked in silence, Castiel setting the pace with his ermine around his neck and gloved fingers brushing the fur of Dean's wolf from time to time. Sam was content with the silence, probably scanning their surroundings through his owl.

It was on one of these long, silent walks with Sam, when Castiel finally asked about the thing that had nagged him for weeks.

"What happened at the wall? I still don't remember and Dean and Ellen don't want to talk about it." He glanced at Sam who had a pensive look on his face. "You don't have to talk about it either, if you don't want to," he added quietly.

"No, we can talk about it. It's just that I'm not really sure what happened. We think that he —" Sam pointed the wolf, "— alerted my owl and a bunch of other aviating totems, and, well. I awoke to my owl screaming in my head and I was... sucked in him somehow, and then I saw you standing up there and I thought you were going to fall and I surged forward to push you off the edge. When I came back, I realized I had fallen from my bed." Sam huffed a laugh, his breath pluming in the cold. "I had the worst headache afterwards, you know," he smiled.

Castiel winced. "I'm sorry," he said ruefully.

"None of that." Sam stated. "It was worth it. You are worth it." Castiel snorted and Sam quirked him an amused eyebrow. "You know, you are more alike than you think, you and Dean. Both of you are well loved and neither of you are ready to believe it. You truly deserve each other." He shook his head fondly at Castiel's baffled face.

"Dean has been good for the castle and the clan. Our dad tried, but he had lost the will to live after our mom died. Dean still thinks he is a substitute and never really sees his own worth, but the truth is that he was, is, and will be a better Lord than our dad ever was. And you have been good for him. Perhaps due to my beta-nature, I cannot fully comprehend the way you complete him.

"That's the reason the totems were on the wall. Had you succeeded, it would've broken Dean and the clan would've been adrift. Dean is the one keeping the clan stable and it seems you are the one keeping Dean stable. If you had been able to shove my owl off, they would've stepped in and stopped you, or at least tried to slow your fall."

For Castiel, it took a moment for the implications to sink in. "But — They would have sacrificed themselves, dooming their humans into painful death..." He gasped, overwhelmed by the amount of loyalty and devotion Sam's words spoke of.

"Yes." Sam said softly. They had stopped at a clearing, and, for a while, Castiel gazed upwards to the twilight sky, blinking furiously to keep his tears from falling. "I didn't know," he said hoarsely.

"Our people are ready to go for great lengths to protect what's important to us. Welcome to the clan, Castiel."

And then Castiel was no longer able to hold back his tears.

∞

When Dean decided he was strong enough, Castiel made a habit of taking longer walks alone with Dean's wolf. He liked the snowy forest, evergreens covered in blankets of white, almost all signs of life hushed in hibernation. It gave him a sense of calmness and peace and the soft silence of the woods allowed him either to think or let his thoughts wander and float. The blue twilight was edging away ever so slowly and Castiel wondered briefly if it affected his state of mind, too. He felt lighter and no longer experienced the suffocating darkness pressing him down. It wasn't gone, lingering on the edge of his mind, but it was a reminder, not a constant.

His favorite trail left the eastern side of the castle and went through the forest, visited briefly a few small clearings before curving to the lake, and from there, back to the castle. It was fairly well-packed trail, obviously by both humans and totems alike, and it was Dean-approved. Nevertheless, every time Castiel went for a walk, he saw at least one aviating totem keeping an eye on him. He brushed aside his irritation of being babysat, and tried to keep Sam's words in mind instead: they weren't patronizing him; they were taking care of the clan.

Castiel sighed and stopped for a while. Yes, Sam's words had been a shock. Castiel had been taught that the Lord's duty was to protect and provide, and in return the people owed him their service and loyalty, as was their duty. But the mutual appreciation, loyalty and devotion between Dean and his people exceeded duty on so many levels that it made Castiel's head spin. To be included in that loop was something he had never dreamt about, as he'd had no idea anything like that could even be possible. It made Castiel very, very humble and grateful, but also quite scared. How do you live up such a devotion? Was he really worth it? Worth Dean?

He was almost by the lake now, two thirds of his walk behind him. The weather was nice: not freezing, but nice and crisp, temperature low enough to make him shiver if he stood still for too long. As if reading his mind (which was quite possible) the wolf poked his ass, and Castiel was fairly sure the totem grinned at his narrowed eyes.

"Yes, yes, we'll keep on going." Castiel commented. "You know, this was your own choice. You knew where I was going and you could've stayed behind. If you are so easily bored, you should stay in." That earned him a definitive eye-roll and a sense of exasperated fondness through their connection.

"But, you are right. We should continue." Castiel said, and they walked on.

The wide expanse of the frozen lake was beautiful. For some reason, someone had cut out a wide chunk of ice not very far from the shore, and Castiel could see icy water rippling in the wind. He had no idea what the hole was for, but suspected it was for fishing. They had fresh fish quite often, and the hole would've been the most logical place for fishing.

His musings were interrupted by shouting from somewhere behind him. He whipped around and hurried towards the clamor, mindful of his still-weakened condition. In mere minutes he came to a clearing and saw a moderate-sized hut with a pathway of wooden blocks leading from the door to the lake. The yells came from the hut, and as Castiel watched, its door slammed open. Two naked men ran out, steam rising from their bright-pink skin, as they rushed towards the lake and the icy pool. By the hair and the height he recognized one to be Sam, in which case the shorter was bound to be Dean. With round eyes, Castiel watched his alpha and his alpha's brother dive into the hole in the ice, whooping and laughing, as if it was the most normal thing to do.

"Madmen. I'm mated to a clan of madmen." Castiel commented flatly. The wolf beside him radiated amusement and its expression could only be described as a shit-eating-grin.

 

* * *

 

Castiel grew stronger day by day, and with his recovery, their bond strengthened as well. Dean was happy that his mate felt confident enough to go for his walkabouts, but he couldn't deny that he would gladly switch places with his wolf and spend more time with Castiel. He was, in fact, jealous of his totem, of all things!

He was grateful that Castiel let him share his bed, but apart from a chaste kiss every now and then, Dean hadn't initiated anything. He craved intimacy, the permission to touch and worship his mate, but he kept his urges in check, letting Castiel set the pace. His mate was still weak, the double trauma of miscarriage and fever leaving him fragile, not to mention his suicide attempt. It wouldn't do to impose. Dean was a good alpha; he was ready to wait. Or almost ready. At least he could always take care of his sexual frustration by himself.

He wondered when Castiel's next heat might be and if he would be willing to try for a pup. With a pang of guilt and sorrow Dean remembered the slightly rounded belly of his mate, the brief time Castiel had carried their pup inside him, and how beautiful he had been. Dean loved Castiel and he had loved the pup, and he fervently hoped they would have the chance for family later, whenever Castiel felt he was ready.

"Why don't you take him to the hut?" Sam asked one day, after Dean had ranted about his longing for Castiel yet again. Dean stopped in the middle of his ramblings, gaping at his brother, before he closed his mouth with a snap.

"What?"

"The hut, Dean. You know, the one with the Sauna." Sam articulated, as if his brother was a bit slow. Again. "Just, take him there. Offer to help him bathe but leave the decision to him. I think he might like it there."

Dean stared at his brother. "Sam, you're a genius," he breathed.

Sam grinned. "One of us has to be, and it ain't you."

Dean snorted half-heartedly, his mind already occupied. The hut, of course the hut. Why hadn't he thought about it before? Probably because he was an idiot, as Bobby so generously kept reminding him. And because he thought of Bobby, he left to find the man, giving an absent wave at his brother on his way out. Sam grinned fondly. Dean was a jerk, but a jerk in love, and that made things okay.

Dean found Bobby in the kitchen, as he had guessed he would. If Bobby was in the castle, he usually was where Ellen was, and, because Ellen practically lived in the kitchen, Bobby did too.

"Hi Bobby. Would you mind preparing the hut tomorrow?"

His steward harrumphed. "It's not Saturday tomorrow."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I know it's not. But could you? Please?"

Ellen squinted her eyes at him. "What's up? You never say please."

"I do!"

"No, you don't. So, spill." She poured him a cup of tea and pointed at a chair. Dean knew better than to argue. "It's not for me, it's for Cas," he muttered, feeling a blush creep up his neck. From the corner of his eye he saw Ellen and Bobby exchange a Look.

"Well... if it's for him," Bobby grumbled, and Dean knew he had a deal.

The next day Dean felt oddly nervous and calm at the same time. It would take Bobby six to eight hours to prepare the hut, which meant that Dean had plenty of time to manage his duties, and Castiel would be able to have his walk unhurried. He decided to let the day roll on its own pace, and keep the bathing a secret. He prepared a basket with simple food and a pitcher of honeyed water to take with them to the hut, as well as clean clothes for Castiel, because he had a feeling he wouldn't need them himself. Bobby would have taken care of towels and other supplies, as he always did.

When Castiel returned from his walk cheeks rosy with cold, he was probably the cutest thing Dean had ever seen, and he could only stare. Castiel didn't say anything, but cocked his brow at Dean.

Dean cleared his throat. "I've got something prepared for you. Or, Bobby did the preparing thing, but I asked him..." His voice drifted away and he pressed his lips together, feeling embarrassed and flustered.

Castiel raised both of his brows in surprise. "Can I change first?"

"No need. You can do that later. Um. I've got clean clothes for you here." He lifted the basket. "And some food, too. Shall we?"

Castiel regarded him, and for a couple of heartbeats Dean thought his mate would refuse. When Castiel nodded, Dean let out a breath he wasn't aware of holding. "Okay," he chimed and led the way.

Castiel was calm when they walked from the castle to the hut, but Dean felt the confusion seeping through their bond. When they reached the hut, Castiel turned to him and narrowed his eyes. "Does this surprise obligate me to run naked and screaming into the icy lake?" Dean stared him, dumbfounded, and then bursted into laughter. Castiel didn't look amused, though.

"Oh damn, you saw me and Sam, didn't you?" Dean didn't wait for a confirmation. "I bet we looked like maniacs," he chuckled. "Eh, no, I'm not expecting you to go for a swim, Cas, that would be a bit extreme." He smiled and opened the door for his mate. Everything was ready, of course. There was a fire blazing in the fireplace, and a stack of fresh towels waiting for them. Dean checked the Sauna and nodded, pleased, when he spotted several buckets of water, the lit lanterns and the fresh linen cloths covering the benches.

"Okay," he said as he turned around. "This —," he waved his hand around, "— is the changing room. I'll put the basket here on the table, your clean clothes are here on the bench, along with fresh towels. And this —," he opened the door to the Sauna, "— is the Sauna. Don't be alarmed by the sooty benches; it's sort of part of the experience. The water is warm, and there are several different soaps you can choose from. Use this ladle to pour water to rinse yourself, and this one with a longer handle to pour water to this hole in the stove. Just, try it, okay?" Dean smiled at Castiel's suspicious glare. "Take your time. No-one else knows the hut is in use tonight, which means you won't be disturbed, but the wolf will stay here anyway. If you need me, call me through him."

Castiel frowned. "You're not staying?"

"Not tonight. Maybe next time, if you want me to." Dean said gently. He stepped closer to his mate and caressed his cheek once before pressing a light kiss to his lips. "A Sauna is a meditative, almost sacred place. It cleanses your body and mind, and relaxes tense muscles and thoughts. Many omegas want to give birth in a Sauna, because it feels safe and holy, and I can understand the sentiment."

He took a step away from Castiel's personal space. "Don't fall asleep unless you want to end up a dried plum. And make sure you drink all that," he pointed at the pitcher. "Stay," he told his wolf, who merely rolled his eyes at him and curled on the floor, cradling Castiel's ermine as usual. Dean nodded Castiel once, and then he went out.

Oh, but how he would've wanted to stay and bathe with his mate. But not yet. Castiel wasn't ready, and besides, Dean wanted to give him the opportunity to acquaintance himself with the sooty Sauna experience in peace. He walked back to the castle and wandered around absently, his mind occupied with monitoring both the bond and his connection with his totem. He was relieved, when, after a while, their bond flooded with contentment and peace. He couldn't suppress a little laugh, which made a passing servant give him an odd look but he didn't care. He had made his omega happy and that was enough.

A couple of hours later, when he was almost on his way already, he felt his wolf call for him. Both the bond and the connection were relaxed, but Dean hurried a bit anyway. In the hut he was greeted by clean and clothed, but a nearly sleeping Castiel and an amused pair of totems. Dean chuckled softly, checked the lanterns and made sure the fireplace was secure before he gathered his sleepy mate in his arms. Castiel's scent of cinnamon apples and lavender was combined with the smoky scent of Sauna, and Dean breathed long and deep, enjoying the feeling of his drowsy and content mate in his arms.

Castiel stirred and snuggled his nose onto Dean's neck. "I loved it," he mumbled.

"I'm glad you did." Dean answered, and then he carried his omega home.

∞

A week later Dean asked Bobby to prepare the hut again for Castiel. Bobby grunted but didn't say anything, but Dean was quite sure he saw the old man smile. He prepared the food basket and a pitcher of honeyed water as he did the first time, and took clean clothes only for Castiel, again. He escorted Castiel to the hut, reminded him to drink enough, and told his wolf to stay, again. He saw Castiel open his mouth as if to say something and then decide against it. Dean was curious, but was pretty sure that Castiel would say his thing when he was ready. He smiled and nodded at his mate and let him bathe in peace. And when his wolf called for him later, he was again greeted by bathed-out Castiel.

The following week Dean felt brave and packed clean clothes for himself too. Turned out that he had been too eager; Castiel wasn't ready yet.

It was the fourth time, when his omega reached out to him hesitantly and asked him to stay. Dean only nodded because he was afraid he would howl out of joy if he opened his mouth. He stripped unhurriedly, giving Castiel time to undress and go to the Sauna before him. He willed his cock down; it wouldn't be proper to go to the Sauna in aroused state, but given the company he was bathing with, Dean wasn't so sure he could make it through.

They bathed in a comfortable silence, Castiel's contentment evident in his relaxed posture. Dean tried not to stare, but failed miserably. He had seen his mate naked many times and bathed him more often than he could count, but somehow it was different now. Intimate. Castiel was utterly beautiful, the candles in the lanterns painting his sweaty skin with soft, golden glow, and his dark hair curling in the humid air. If Castiel noticed his alpha was staring, he didn't comment.

He washed Castiel and was very pleased when the omega practically purred, when he massaged soap into his hair. He used a coarse towel to wash his mate from head to toe and rinsed the soap off with copious amounts of water. When he was done, he made Castiel drink several cups of honeyed water, before he shooed him back to the bench. When he turned to the door, Castiel asked where he was going.

"Out. I'm gonna roll in the snow." He grinned at Castiel's bewildered face and winked before going out. Yes, was going to roll in the snow, but the desired effect of increased circulation was only part of the reason. More so, he needed literally cool himself, as his disobedient member wouldn't listen to him. When he went back in, he grinned mischievously and scooped a handful of snow to make a snowball.

If Castiel's face had been bewildered at Dean's announcement of rolling in the snow, it was nothing compared to his expression when Dean threw the snowball at his chest. His mate squealed (which Dean though was completely hilarious considering Castiel's deep voice) and flapped the snow away from his lap. He narrowed his eyes at Dean, and when Dean opened his mouth to apologize, he threw the slushy snowball straight into Dean's mouth. Surprised, Dean sputtered and coughed, and then Castiel giggled. Dean vowed to himself that he would inhale a bucketful of snowballs without complaint if it meant he could make Castiel giggle.

"Now you know why we were yelling, me and Sam." Dean grinned. "We were having a snowball fight in the Sauna."

"Before you ran to a hole in the ice." Castiel commented.

"Precisely."

"Madmen. I'm mated to a clan of madmen." Castiel stated flatly, but his eyes were sparkling.

They sat in silence for a while, but it was a slightly nervous one, this time. Finally Castiel drew breath. "Would you like me to wash you?" He asked shyly.

"I would like that very much," Dean answered softly.

He climbed down from the bench and turned to face the wall, because he figured it would be easier for Castiel to start with his back. He heard Castiel shift closer and then the coarse towel scrubbed his back, hands, and legs. He kept his eyes closed when Castiel turned him around and scrubbed his front clean, too. When his mate reached his groin, he hesitated minutely before moving on, and Dean was barely able to breath. When Castiel washed his hair, Dean couldn't help a soft groan escaping his lips and he heard Castiel inhale sharply. Dean held still when Castiel rinsed the soap off. Then Castiel touched his back hesitantly, and, although he twitched a little, he willed himself not to move when the omega traced his spine with a feather light touch. Was it up to Dean, he would've bent his mate over the bench right there and then, sacred meditation place or not, but because it wasn't up to him, Dean forced himself to be patient.

His omega brushed his fingers along Dean's back, probably tracing the old scars that were visible from certain angle only, Dean mused. His musings were cut short though, when Castiel placed his hands on his shoulders and kissed his spine lightly. A twirl of arousal drifted in the air, and Dean was almost sure that this time it wasn't just him. Castiel kissed the side of his neck, and because Dean's self-control went only so far, he shivered, and Castiel froze.

Dean willed himself to be utterly motionless and held his breath, waiting for Castiel's next move. He didn't have to wait for long, as Castiel dropped his hands and took a step back.

"Dean — I —." He stuttered and fled to the changing room.

Staring at the closed door that separated him from his mate, Dean let out the breath he had been holding. He glanced down towards Castiel's bench, scented the air, and confirmed that he had been right. Smiling, he went back to the bench to enjoy the humid hotness for a little longer.

There was hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triggers: Depression, miscarriage, self-blame, attempted suicide.
> 
> * I don't presume that you could easily bounce back from post-miscarriage depression just by taking a walk in the woods and bathing in the Sauna. I didn't.   
>    
> * The type of Sauna described in this chapter is the so-called Smoke Sauna. When prepared wrong, it's potentially lethal due possible carbon monoxide poisoning. When it's done right, it's the best there is. Besides heavenly bathing experience, it also leaves you very, very sooty, since the whole Sauna is filled with smoke, until it's ventilated out. Hence the name, Smoke Sauna.


	3. Ostara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ostara: Eostre, Easter, Spring Equinox. Also, fertility goddess.
> 
> Music:  
> [Jean Sibelius: Symphony No.3 Op 52: III. Moderato - Allegro (ma non tanto) ](http://open.spotify.com/track/30qE4BMhfY9uu16NDpTiKQ)  
> This is the third and fourth movement in one piece. The transition happens at 4:28, but you'll hear when the movement changes.
> 
> Warning: triggers

Spring leapt on them out of nowhere, like it wasn't there and then it was suddenly blooming everywhere. The ground was still covered in snow, and would be for a while longer, but the sun was out once more. It peeked shyly over the horizon, as if reminding nature what was about to happen. Bit by bit, daylight fought its way over the twilight, and, before Castiel even realized, there was day and night again. The sunshine was blinding off the white snow banks, making his eyes water and head hurt. But Castiel didn't care; he stood outside, arms open wide and greeted the sunshine with a wide smile. He felt Dean's fond amusement over their bond and smiled even wider. The sun was back and he was alive again.

They had continued their routine of weekly bathing. Castiel felt a little guilty for making Bobby prepare the hut only for him and Dean, but when he had tried to talk to the gruff alpha steward about it, he had shooed Castiel away, muttering something about 'idgits' under his breath. Confused, Castiel had consulted Dean and learned to not question Bobby about the hut ever again. The hut and the Sauna were Bobby's pride and joy, and he had spent years mastering the art of preparing the hut properly. Besides, Dean told him that the Sauna stayed warm for several hours and was in free use after they were done. That made the omega feel better. He enjoyed the Sauna so much that he wanted others to have the same opportunity.

Things between him and Dean had started to mend slowly and carefully. He could feel his alpha's strong affection for him over their bond, and he had shyly started to reciprocate in kind. The first time he had projected his affection back, his alpha had stopped on his tracks and turned to look at him with open adoration, causing Castiel blush and duck his head. He was a little apprehensive about how he could make Dean look at him like that, the powerful alpha that he was.

Castiel had only started to learn about the power of emotions, and they left him quite confused. He had always been a practical man with a literal view of the world, and combined with what he now recognized to be an emotionally deprived childhood, so he was a little lost when it came to feelings. He had a hard time comprehending his own feelings, and the idea of having emotional power over someone was weird.

Dean, on the other hand, was fuelled by emotion. Castiel had never met a person who felt as completely as Dean did, and frankly it was quite frightening. At times he still felt like Dean's feelings could swallow him whole and suffocate him, but the times were further and further in between. Castiel wasn't sure if Dean had learned to hold back or if he had learned to accept his alpha's feelings for what they were.

And it wasn't just Dean, who had feelings for Castiel. He had tangible proof that at least Sam and Ellen liked him, and the whole clan felt that he was important. He had started to interact more with the castlefolk, as Ellen had started to pass him more of the responsibility for running the castle, and he was constantly taken aback by the affectionate way he was treated.

He wasn't used to being taken care of like this. In his family home he had been pampered, sure, but it had been detached and formal, the sort of things done for an omega, not for Castiel. Here, instead, things were done because of him. He still felt overwhelmed about the sheer amount of dedication put forth to ensuring his needs were met. He had hard time wrapping his head around it, but, with time, he had started to believe that he was worthy of it because of who he was, not for the pup-bearing organ inside of him.

Castiel still felt guilty about his miscarriage and wasn't sure if Dean would even want to try for another pup with him. Heavens, _he_ wasn't sure if he wanted to try for another pup himself! On one hand, he was very, very curious about the idea of a pup moving inside him, or even better, the thought of a pup on his alpha's arms. On the other hand, he was desperately afraid of another miscarriage and the power of his own mind. What if he got tired of the pregnancy and wished the pup gone? Would his body force it out again?

But then, he had no idea when his next heat would be. Before his mating heat, he had been like a clockwork, going into heat every three moons. The mating heat, his pregnancy, the miscarriage, and everything that had followed had probably royally messed up his cycle, which meant that he really had no other choice but to wait. But maybe not knowing would be better.

Dean hadn't made a move on him, although Castiel could smell his arousal almost daily. The alpha kept himself in check though, and Castiel could both see and feel how much effort it took. First it had been frightening, then irritating, and now Castiel was mainly nervous. It had dawned on him that Dean was waiting for him to be ready, and the responsibility was almost too much. What if Castiel failed him again? What if he was broken, unable to carry a pup full term? What if Dean was wasting his time with Castiel and later grew bitter and angry at him?

He couldn't deny that Dean was tempting though. He was all lean muscle and wide plains of warm skin peppered with freckles, broad back, narrow hips, strong arms, and powerful legs, and Castiel longed. They washed each other in the Sauna every week, but those encounters were silent and sacred (although laced with more or less with arousal from both parties), but Castiel didn't know how to touch Dean outside the hut. Well, of course he knew that he had the right and permission, but he was nervous to act. He feared that if he did something wrong, he would lose those precious moments with Dean in the humid heaven of the Sauna, and he wasn't willing to risk it.

He lusted, but he was afraid. Basically, it was a standoff.

 

* * *

 

Spring was always a busy time at the castle. When the lazy hibernation of the wintertime was nearing its end, the castle and its occupants started to ready themselves for the frenzied spring. Winter had been very snowy and there was more than the average number of damaged houses to repair, their roofs bent and broken with the weight of the snow, as well as frost heave damages to mend, splintered trees to log, and possible flooding areas to chart.

As much as Dean enjoyed the slow twilight days of winter, he felt more alive when he had his hands full with work. Their father had taught him and Sam the true meaning of manual labor. They could play lordlings all the way they wanted, but only by working alongside with their people, and truly learning what their lives were like, could they win their trust and loyalty. For as long as Dean could remember, Lord John had towed his sons along with him to help with house repairs, working in the fields, sowing, hunting and fishing. They had complained loudly and often, of course, but, as he grew older, Dean had been very grateful. He had heard of Lords who thought that doing manual labor alongside their people was demeaning, not fit for a Lord, but Dean didn't give a rat's ass what others thought. He felt content and proud to be able to help and provide for his people, and, because of that, he knew they appreciated and respected him.

The downside of spring was that he could spend less time with Castiel. He would have gladly stayed in bed, burrowed under the blankets, watching his omega sleep, but his duties demanded him elsewhere. On this particular, day he had planned on taking some of his men and ride to check the slopes on the southern side of the castle. That was where the mudslides happened every year, and since there were several houses near the slope, it was important to make sure the mudslides didn't cause too much trouble.

The choice between mud and his beautiful omega was an unfair one.

Sighing, Dean got up and dressed. He spared a final glance at his mate, his gorgeous Castiel, and bent to give him a gentle kiss on the temple. The man scrunched his nose and sighed softly, and Dean was hit by a strong wave of love for his mate. He was fervently happy that Castiel was well and alive and still with him, although he wasn't sure he deserved his omega. He remembered how his father had been after he had lost his mate; a broken shell of an alpha, lost in the memories of happier days, constantly grieving his mate and tormenting himself with thoughts of how he should've saved her totem, and, with her, his mate.

Dean shuddered. He had been so very close ending up like his father. If it hadn't been for his wolf and Sam's owl...

He couldn't imagine his life without Castiel anymore. They had known each other for so little time, but the omega had already wedged himself into Dean's heart and carved a permanent place for himself and his feisty little ermine. His cunning intelligence balanced Dean's temper, and, with Castiel, he felt whole and complete, like he had found a missing piece of himself. Had he been brave enough, he would've declared Castiel his true mate already, but since true mates existed only in ancient stories, he had kept his thoughts to himself. Besides, Sam would never let it go if he found out.

But he couldn't deny it. Castiel was everything and so much more than he had ever wished for. If only they would be blessed with a pup... Castiel had been so beautiful while pregnant, his belly slightly rounded, its curve fitting in Dean's hand perfectly. He was positive that a heavily pregnant Castiel would be an even more glorious sight, and Castiel with a pup in his arms would be the culmination of all his hopes. If only...

Dean shook himself out of his daydreams, rolling his eyes at himself. He brushed Castiel's cheek fondly and forced himself out of their chambers, before he succumbed to the thrall of his soundly sleeping mate. He walked briskly into the kitchen and went to grab some breakfast. Sam and Bobby were already waiting for him with Kevin and Andy, two young alphas, who were quite ready to learn managing things around the castle. Dean had left his wolf with Castiel, and since Sam's owl and Bobby's elk were on their way already, the only totems in the kitchen were Kevin's wolverine and Andy's lemming. And Ellen's lynx, of course, at her usual place in the middle of the room, efficiently tripping everyone.

"Well, finally," Bobby grumbled, rolling his eyes. Dean waggled his brows at the grumpy alpha and received a snort as an answer. "Idjits," the older man muttered, but his lips twitched. Dean knew very well that his mate had the older alpha firmly under his thumb, and that Bobby was ready to overlook quite a lot if it involved Castiel.

"So, what's the plan?" Dean asked, munching bread with tart jam and cheese. "Do we know what's waiting for us? Any idea if it's as bad as last year?"

Sam got a vacant look in his eyes. His connection with his owl had gotten a lot stronger after the skinwalking incident, and he no longer needed to close his eyes to concentrate on seeing through his totem's eyes. It was spooky as hell, even for Dean.

"Superficially everything seems like it was last year," Sam said. "But of course we can't be sure before we're there."

Dean nodded. "Right. But no big slides yet?"

Sam shook his head. "Not that we can see."

"Okay then, let's do this."

∞

There was still quite a lot of snow in the forest, but it was normal. Snow always melted unevenly; the sunny places were already bare, while the dense woods in the northern side would hold onto their snowbanks long into the summer. But because the south-facing slopes melted so quickly and early, mudslides were a yearly problem. Dean had yet to figure out how to stop the slides, and, until he did, everything was basically damage control.

The kids were almost jumping atop their horses out of excitement. Dean couldn't help but smile: it was nice to see someone being so eager about a simple mudslide check. Although he shouldn't call Kevin and Andy kid, since, at sixteen, they were older than Dean had been when he had been forced to step up and take his father's place, and Dean was only a decade older than them. But they did seem like kids with their eager smiles and bouncing totems.

"Don't let your totems wander too far, okay? They are tough creatures, but mudslides are dangerous, even for them. So keep them near unless I tell you otherwise." Dean's words were met with pouty eye-rolls and muttering, but the young alphas obeyed, at least to a point.

"Heavens, I sound like dad," Dean snorted and shook his head.

Sam raised a brow. "Did it really take you this long to get it? You _are_ a bit slow, you know."

"Bitch."

"Jerk." Dean grinned at the easy bickering.

They rode in silence for a while, but Dean knew his brother well enough to recognize when Sam was wearing his serious-talk-face.

"You'll be a wonderful father someday."

Dean sighed and rubbed his face. "Yeah, I hope so."

"How are things between you two?"

Dean gave his brother a sidelong glance. "I'm not sure I actually want to have this conversation with you, you know? No offense."

Sam shrugged. "None taken. You'll have to talk to me or to Ellen. Pick one."

"Oh, devious!" Dean hissed, and Sam gave him a smug grin. He had always known how to play his big brother. Dean would rather talk to him about feelings than have a heart-to-heart with Ellen. She was a formidable and terrifying person sometimes.

"Um," Dean said and shifted in his saddle. "We're better? I mean, he lets me near him and we bathe together. And often I feel there's more, but he never does anything. I don't know... It's like he's afraid of something, but I've no idea what of."

Sam nodded, thoughtful. "Have you mated with him since...?" He didn't finish his sentence, but he didn't have to.

Dean shook his head. "No. I don't dare to initiate anything. I'd want to, Heavens I would, but I want him to set the pace. I still think I pushed him too much earlier, and I don't want to make the same mistake again."

"Must be hard." 

"Fucking hard," Dean agreed, with a feeling. They looked at each other and chortled at the innuendo.

They rode a moment in silence, and then Sam said kindly, "You love him a lot, don't you?"

Dean nodded, suddenly unable to speak. He swallowed. "Yeah," he managed hoarsely. Sam steered his horse closer and clasped his shoulder in a gesture of understanding and compassion. Grateful, Dean placed his hand over his brother's as a thank you.

"Okay," he grumbled after a moment and dropped his hand. "What's with the mud then?"

They had reached the slope, and everything seemed to be okay. The ground looked solid enough and there was a decent amount of trees and bushes to stop a possible mudslide from gaining too much momentum. But Dean knew enough not to trust appearances, and he dismounted and proceeded to examine the slope closer. Mudslides were treacherous, dangerous, and never to be underestimated. This was one of the important lessons their father had taught them years back.

He circled the area that had experienced mudslides before, noticing that Bobby and Sam did the same on the other side of the potential slide area. He called the young alphas to come and join him, careful to follow his route. He was about to move uphills, when Kevin and Andy's totems barged onto the slope in an energetic game of catch-me-if-you-can. Startled by the sudden movement, Dean scrambled back and slipped in the mud.

There was a low rumbling sound and a lurching movement under his feet, and then the slope slid down.

 

* * *

 

When a totem dies before their human, it casts a shockwave through both the humans and the totems emotionally connected to it. It ripples through their shared connections as a burning pain and loss. As such, the more close knit the community that the human-totem pair was part of, the more intense the sense of loss. So when the shockwave flowed through them, the whole castle froze in horror. The last time they had felt a totem die was when Dean and Sam's mother had lost her totem. It had happened almost two decades ago, but the pain was still fresh.

Castiel had never experienced the shockwave of a passing totem, and he fervently hoped he would never have to go through it again. In panic, he gripped his bond tightly, even though he knew Dean's wolf was safely with him in the castle, and nearly wept when he found it intact. He saw relieved faces all around him, as the castlefolk checked their bonds and confirmed that their loved ones were alive. It didn't lessen the grief and anguish, because they knew full well that their Lord would eventually return with news that no-one wanted to hear. Castiel knew that his alpha had been out assessing the conditions of the slopes and had taken a handful of men with him, young and seasoned alike. Obviously something had gone terribly wrong, and there would be one less of them returning.

Castiel's relief over his mate's wellbeing didn't last long, when he felt horror, grief and an overwhelming sense of failure resonate from Dean. He tried to remember who his mate had been with, but wasn't able to recall others than Sam and Bobby. In sudden fit of selfishness, he hoped it hadn't been either of them.

The castlefolk gathered in the courtyard to wait for news in shocked silence. It didn't take long before Castiel saw the familiar shape of Sam's owl flying towards them, and was relieved that Sam was alright. The owl circled for a while above them, searching for something — for someone. He clearly found what he was looking for when he scooted down to a small dark-haired woman. He hovered in front of her for a tense moment, and then the woman sank slowly to the ground with a heartbroken cry. Castiel blinked and then remembered that the woman was Kevin's mother. Now, she had lost her only pup.

Kevin had been a bright young alpha with a deep connection with his feisty totem. Castiel remembered all too well the pain he had felt when he had lost his unborn pup, but to lose a son who was almost an adult already was a grief so enormous that Castiel couldn't comprehend it. He walked to the sobbing woman and extended his hand to Sam's owl. He landed on Castiel's arm, talons gripping his arm painfully, but the pain was a welcoming, grounding sensation.

Castiel lifted his arm slightly and spoke directly to the owl and Sam. "Thank you for telling us. I'll take it from here." The owl blinked and took flight, heading back to the sky.

Kevin's mother (Linda, Castiel recalled) was slumped in a heap on the muddy ground, her hand fisted into her tunic, sobbing and whimpering her son's name. Castiel knelt in front of her and took her into his arms, holding her tight, sharing her grief in silence, as he knew that there were no words to console her loss. Linda clung to him like she was drowning — and maybe she was. Her grief roiled around her like a storm, and Castiel couldn't do anything else than stay still and be the rock for her to hang onto, lest the storm would sweep her away. Her totem, an arctic hare, swayed on her feet, and, with a nudge to their connection, Castiel sent Dean's wolf to take care of her.

The ground was soggy and Castiel was soon soaked through his clothes. Even though he was an omega, he was quite strong, and since Linda was a small woman, Castiel had no trouble lifting her in his arms and carrying her inside. He was momentarily at loss where to take her, because he had no idea where her and Kevin's quarters were. But then Ellen was there, and she briskly told him to take Linda to the smaller hall near the kitchen. Ellen's face was grim and her eyes shone with unshed tears as she led the way.

Castiel gently lowered Linda onto the couch and sat beside her. She was still in shock, and Castiel had a very strong feeling that if ever there was an important duty for him as Laird, comforting the grieving mother was it. He held Linda tightly, rubbed her back, and tried to project comfort and security with his scent. She cried silently, mourning her son, because even if he had survived the death of his wolverine, the young alpha was as good as dead.

When they heard the sound of hooves echoing from outside, Linda pushed herself up, and, with a visible steeling of her will, started back to the courtyard. Castiel followed a couple of steps behind her. Her stance was proud and straight, and Castiel admired the courage and strength with which she walked to meet her son for the last time.

When they stepped out into the courtyard, the castlefolk had lined themselves to form a lane from the main castle door to the gates. Dean's party had stopped at the gates. Linda walked slowly and steadily towards the horses, Castiel a silent support by her side. A lone horse started towards them, carrying Dean who held Kevin in front of him. Kevin looked peaceful, as if he were sleeping, cradled in Dean's arms, and only the odd angle of his neck betrayed that he wasn't alive. Dean's face was pallid grey with grief and his eyes were haunted. He looked terrible, and Castiel ached to hold him. But he would have to wait for it.

They met in the middle, Dean carrying a burden no-one should have to carry and Linda receiving one that no parent wanted. No words were spoken as if words were too much and yet not enough when Dean lowered the body of the young alpha to his mother's arms.

∞

When Dean didn't come to bed that night, Castiel went looking for him. He knew that Dean cared for his people very deeply and the loss of a member of the clan was a heavy blow for the alpha. With the ermine around his neck and the wolf trailing behind him, Castiel walked unerringly towards his mate, the bond and the emotions surging over it guiding him like a beacon in the night. Dean was sitting in the hall alone, staring at the cold fireplace, deep in thoughts. He hadn't noticed Castiel when he walked to stand beside him, and jumped a little, when Castiel touched his shoulder lightly.

"Can't sleep?" Castiel asked softly.

Dean shook his head mutely and closed his eyes. Castiel was at a loss of what to do, so he left his hand on Dean's shoulder, trying to offer some comfort through the touch and their bond. A moment later, Dean drew a shuddering breath and turned to reach out blindly for Castiel, who stepped closer, between Dean's legs. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel's middle and buried his face in his stomach. Castiel was a little taken aback, but because it was something his mate clearly needed, he stood still and placed his hand on Dean's neck, while gently stroking his hair with the other.

Dean shook slightly, and it took Castiel a moment to understand that his alpha was crying.

"I failed him," Dean said brokenly, his words muffled against Castiel.

"What?"

"I failed him. I was supposed to take care of him, to protect him. It was my duty and I failed him." Dean pulled him closer, as if to draw strength from Castiel.

"What happened? We felt —." Castiel shuddered, unable to finish his sentence.

"The death of a totem. It feels terrible, I know." Dean's voice was toneless. "We were checking the southern slopes for possible mudslides. I told them to be careful, I told them to keep their totems close. I told them it could be dangerous, and I thought they understood. And..." Dean went silent and swallowed. "When the whole slope slid down, I tried to get them both off, but I slipped and only reached Andy's lemming, and I was able to throw him aside. But Kevin's wolverine was further out and got caught in the mudslide, and the whole slope slid down, and he fought to get out, and I tried —, I tried —, but I slipped and —. Oh heavens, then Kevin was screaming and screaming, and then we felt it." Dean was sobbing, his grief and anguish a cloud around them in a dual feedback from his scent and the bond, and Castiel had nothing else to offer but his presence.

"He was screaming and begged me to end him too, and I had to. _I had to._ I had no other choice." Dean lifted his head from Castiel's abdomen and raised his eyes to his omega, and Castiel felt his heart break with the desperation and pain pouring from his alpha's eyes. "I killed him, Cas. I killed another pup."

Castiel's eyes went wide. "Another? What are you talking about?"

Dean's eyes were glassy. "I failed you too. I was supposed to take care of you, both of you, to protect and provide, to make sure everything was alright. And I failed you both." His voice was strangled and the self-loathing pouring over the bond was so strong that Castiel nearly gagged.

Castiel stared in horror at his mate. "Dean, no! You did not kill our pup!" How could Dean even think that? Castiel sank on his knees in front of the alpha, cupping his face in his hands and forcing his mate to look at him. "It wasn't your fault."

Dean squeezed his eyes shut, like he couldn't bear the eye-contact. "It was," he insisted. "I pushed you too far. I didn't listen to you, I didn't respect your wishes. I didn't treat you right and because of that, you lost the pup. I'm sorry Cas, I'm so sorry, it's all my fault, I'm sor —"

Castiel couldn't listen anymore and he shut his alpha up by kissing him. It wasn't a nice kiss, but frantic: full of teeth, snot, tears and desperation, and he poured all his conviction and adoration to it. He felt Dean's shocked surprise, and then the alpha kissed him like his life depended on it. When they parted, they were both breathless and panting, staring at each other with wide eyes.

"It was not your fault, Dean, you hear me?" Castiel repeated furiously. "I will not have you blaming yourself over the failure of my body. You might have been a bit too eager, but you did not kill our pup. Don't you ever say that again, ever!" Heavens above, had his mate been blaming himself for what happened, all this time? Dean gaped at him, speechless, clearly not quite understanding what Castiel had said.

Castiel sighed and caressed his mate's cheek. "You are a good Lord and a good alpha, Dean. No —," he said sharply, when Dean opened his mouth in disagreement, "— you are. You feel deeply about the people you are responsible for, sometimes, perhaps, even too deeply. You think you need to be there for everyone, to save everyone, even though you know you can't. You are only human, you can't save everyone."

Castiel pressed a light kiss on his mate's lips. "You tried to save Kevin. I know you tried, I talked to Sam. He said you were digging at the mud with your bare hands, but it was already too late, his wolverine was buried too deeply to get out. And you did your duty as a Lord, too, by granting Kevin his wish." Castiel added gently.

"I killed him," Dean whispered brokenly.

"No, you didn't," Castiel stated firmly. "Losing his totem killed him; you set him free. Denying his wish would've only made him suffer more, and you know it." He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against Dean's. "I don't blame you, Kevin's mother doesn't blame you and you surely shouldn't blame yourself."

They stayed there for some time, Castiel offering peace and calmness over the bond and Dean struggling to accept it. When his knees started to ache, Castiel stood up stiffly, wincing at the pins and needles in his shins.

"Come to bed," he said to his alpha gently, and led him from the hall.

In their chambers, Castiel undressed his mate and took him to bed, cradled him in his arms and held him close, and wished to banish his thoughts of unworthiness and desperation. Eventually Dean fell asleep, physically and emotionally exhausted, his face buried into the crook of Castiel's neck.

Castiel couldn't sleep, his mind too wound up with the shock of Dean's breakdown.

∞

The funeral took place two days later. Castiel had never been in charge of funeral preparations, which made him very grateful for having Ellen, again. The Northerners didn't bury their dead but burned them in funeral pyres, which Castiel found very fitting. The whole clan took part in gathering wood for the pyre as well as providing herbs that, when burned along with the body, would help Kevin's spirit move on and find his totem.

Kevin's body was prepared by his mother. She washed him and clad him in a fresh linen tunic and painted the name of the spirit world on his forehead. Castiel offered his help a bit hesitantly and when he was politely but firmly turned down, he was frankly relieved. He had never prepared the deceased for their final journey and wasn't exactly sure how he would've reacted.

Usually the body was carried to the pyre by family members, but Kevin had no siblings and his father was deceased. Linda was in no condition to carry her son, and, therefore, Dean took the responsibility unto himself. He carried Kevin with the tenderest of care, tears falling freely down his cheeks as he placed the body on the pyre. He stepped aside and let Linda bid her son goodbye before she lit the pyre.

When Dean started to sing, Castiel blinked in surprise. He had no idea Dean had such a lovely voice, nor did he know that singing was a part of the Northern funeral ritual. The clan joined in, the only silent ones being Linda, who was obviously too grief stricken to sing, and Castiel, who didn't know the song. The song flowed around them in soothing waves, the foreign language sounding alien and familiar at the same time. Castiel closed his eyes and let himself sink into the music, losing his sense of time and place, feeling only mourning, peace and belonging.

He startled awake, when Dean touched his shoulder. The alpha's eyes were red-rimmed — from the smoke or from crying, Castiel didn't know.

"That was beautiful," he said, complimenting both the song and the singer.

"Thank you," Dean said, his eyes serious. "It's an ancient shaman elegy, one of the few shaman traditions we still have. So much has been lost..." He paused and looked into the flames. "We don't understand the words anymore, we only know the basic meaning of the song. It's a farewell to the deceased and a guide that helps the deceased and their totem to find each other again and move on. It's been passed on as a spoken lore, and it's never been written down. We wouldn't even know how." He rubbed his face with his hand, looking dead tired.

Castiel would've loved to hear more about the shaman traditions, but he decided to curb his curiosity for now. There would be time for studying later. He reached out his hand to take Dean's, and, hand in hand, they walked slowly from the funeral pyre back to the castle and the hall, where the Funeral Feast. Castiel could tell that Dean was deep in his thoughts and only partially aware of the people around them.

The Funeral Feast was made of tears, laughter, song, and longing. Despite his youth, Kevin had been well loved, and it seemed to Castiel like everybody had something to say about him: his quick wits, his sense of humor, his pranks or the level of his knowledge. It gave Castiel a feeling of warmth, respect, and love, and he truly hoped that some of it would reach Kevin and his wolverine, wherever they were headed.

That night, in bed, Dean reached out for him for the first time since the miscarriage. He rolled on top of Castiel, kissing him with desperation and need, and Castiel went pliant and open under him, enjoying the sensations. When he whimpered softly with want, Dean froze and then he turned to move away, muttering an apology. Castiel grabbed his neck and pressed his head down to his.

"Please," he said softly against his alpha's lips.

Dean raised his head slightly to look him in the eye. "Are you sure?"

Castiel said nothing, but kissed him with force, and Dean didn't question him anymore. They lost themselves in each other's skins, mouths and bodies, and chased after the life-affirming ecstasy together, relieved to be there, alive, and well.

 

* * *

 

When Dean woke up, he thought it was a dream, a wishful hope that couldn't be real. But then he turned his head and realized that his mate was right there beside him, naked and beautiful, lips still swollen and raw from kissing, and Dean's possessive marks visible on the nape of his neck.

It was real. Finally, after all these months, he had reclaimed his omega.

He wanted to stay in bed, curled around his mate, but the call of nature was too strong to ignore. He went to relieve himself, pulled on a robe and went to the kitchen to get something to eat. Ellen was there, of course, along with Bobby. Dean didn't quite get why those two wouldn't just admit their feelings and bond already, but then, considering his own relationship history, maybe he wasn't the best consultant in matters of love.

Ellen's eyes were warm and affectionate when she bid Dean good morning. She wouldn't let Dean get anything himself, but loaded him a tray with food and a pitcher of strong tea.

"Make sure he eats well," she said with a wink, then she sobered. "I'm so glad you worked things out." She gave him a tight hug, and if Dean didn't know her so well, he might almost have said her eyes were a bit teary. Almost.

"How are you holdin' up, son?" Bobby asked gruffly. "Tough duty you did back there. Taking a life is hard, even when it's necessary and consented."

Dean let out a shuddering breath. "I don't know. Mostly I feel guilty and angry at myself. I should've done more, tried harder... " He shook his head. "I feel like a failure," he said quietly.

"You stop right there, Dean!" Ellen said sharply. "What happened was not your fault, and there's nothing more you could've done."

"That's what Cas said, too."

Bobby nodded. "That's some wise mate you've got there, better listen to him," he complimented, and took a gulp of tea.

Dean flashed him a pleased smile, but huffed in frustration then. "It's just — I don't know. I feel like I should do more and be more, and nothing is ever enough. I try to be a good Lord and take care of everything, but I fall short no matter how hard I try. And now with Kevin... It was my duty to protect him and take care of him, and I failed, just like —." He snapped his mouth shut and swallowed. "I'm afraid I'm not good enough. That I'll let him down," he said quietly, staring at his hands.

"Let who down, honey?" Ellen asked gently.

Dean whipped his head up, only now realizing what he had said. "I — Nothing," he muttered ducking his head to hide the blush.

Ellen wouldn't have it though, and she moved in front of him and lifted his chin up, forcing him to look at her in the eye. "You are a good man and a good alpha, Dean. It would do you good to remember that," she said and nodded. "Now, take the tray to your mate, feed and cuddle him. You both need it."

"I don't cuddle!" Dean tried to protest, but realized he sounded like a whiny pup. He sighed and rolled his eyes affectionately. "Yes, mom." Ellen grinned, and Dean gave her a sloppy kiss on her cheek before he took the tray and returned to his and Castiel's chambers.

Castiel had shifted to his other side while Dean had been gone. He wasn't sleeping but dozing, and when Dean closed the door, he turned and sat up in bed.

"Hey, sleepyhead," Dean smiled.

"Hello, Dean," Castiel answered. His hair was tousled and he looked absolutely adorable, sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed, his bare torso alluring and calling Dean to touch.

He nodded at the tray on his hands and said, "I brought some breakfast. Mind if I join you?"

Castiel blushed prettily and said, "please," with a small smile.

Dean placed the tray on the bed, just beside Castiel, and shrugged off his robe. He bit his lip and pondered for a second, and then decided to be brave and climbed onto the mattress, sitting behind Castiel. "Lean into me," he said, and guided Castiel to lean back against his chest. The omega tensed nervously and, for a moment, Dean was sure he had just made a huge mistake. But then Castiel let out a small breath and relaxed. Dean closed his eyes in relief and smiled to himself.

They took their time, enjoying the easy contact and mutual comfort. Dean loved Castiel's weight against his chest, the feel of his skin to his own, the smell of his hair and the delicate curve of his neck. Every time he bent to pick something from the tray, he used the opportunity to scent his mate. It probably wasn't very discreet, because he could sense Castiel's nervous amusement through their bond.

"You can say if you don't want me to do this," he said softly to his omega.

Castiel turned his head to look at him. "Why wouldn't I? He asked, genuinely confused.

Dean considered how to respond. "You feel... nervous, and I'm not sure how to proceed, if I'm allowed to do this. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." He stopped and dropped his eyes for a second before looking back at Castiel. "You are important to me, Cas, the whole you, everything about you. I don't want to make the same mistakes I made before. I don't want to lose you again," he said and brushed his omega's cheek gently.

Castiel watched him with wide eyes. "You called me 'Cas'," he said slowly.

Dean blinked. "Yeah. Sorry, I won't do it again."

Castiel shook his head, keeping his eyes on Dean. "No, I like it." He smiled shyly, and the alpha wanted to scoop his mate into a deep kiss right there and then. But he sensed Castiel had more to say, and he waited patiently.

"You haven't made any mistakes. I'm not nervous because of you, I'm nervous because of me. Whether you'd still want me, after everything. I've never been important to anyone, not as Castiel." Castiel's voice was quiet and hesitant. "My value has always been about my gender, not me." He stared down at his hands, which he had clasped together, and somehow he looked very small and vulnerable.

Dean was caught in a swell of emotions: affection, admiration, the need to protect and comfort, to keep his omega safe and content, and, above all, _love._ He tried to hold back a little, lest it all bleed through the bond and freak Castiel out.

"You don't have to be nervous," he said. "You are so much more than I could ever hope for, and that you even have to question if I want you..." Dean shook his head in wonder. "It should be me, asking if you still find me worthy, if you still want me."

He shifted out from behind Castiel to sit to his side and took his hands between his own. "When we met I told you that I want to be a good alpha to you, that I need you to teach me how to be one. I feel at loss with you; you are so strong and intelligent, and sometimes I wonder if you need me at all. But I need you, Cas. I need you here, with me, not just to carry my pups, but to be you. I've never felt like this, so complete and whole. You are my missing piece, my other half, my —." He stopped, suddenly realizing what he was about to say. But then... What the hell, here goes nothing. "To me, you are my true mate."

Castiel stared him, wide-eyed and mouth slightly ajar. Dean touched their bond carefully, but it was slightly subdued, which meant Castiel was holding back his feelings. His mate blinked a couple of times, and Dean turned his head away, suddenly afraid. Had he been too forward again? Had he scared Castiel away with his eagerness and talk of true mates? He wasn't sure he could handle another rejection. He dropped Castiel's hands and was about to get up, when his mate grabbed his hands back. Surprised, Dean turned to look at his omega, and was alarmed when he saw tears in his eyes. He reached his hand to cup his mate's cheek, and Castiel closed his eyes and leaned to the touch.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For making you cry."

Castiel brushed his cheeks with his hand and looked surprised to find them wet. "Oh." He smiled. "I didn't even notice." His voice was soft and wondering. He hesitated, bit his lip and glanced at his alpha. "Do you really think that?" He asked. Dean raised his brows questioningly. "That I'm your true mate?" Dean cupped his face with both hands. "With all my heart," he said and kissed Castiel with all the love he felt. His mate smiled against his lips, and, without breaking the kiss, crawled into his lap. Dean cradled his arms around him, his heart nearly bursting with joy.

"I'm glad that you're my alpha." Castiel whispered against his lips, resting his forehead against Dean's.

"There's nothing I'd rather be." His voice caught with emotion. "My omega. My Cas." He stopped holding back his feelings and let them flow freely through their bond. He felt Castiel gasp softly at the onslaught of emotions, and then his mate pressed closer and buried his face into Dean's neck. Dean held him close and scented his neck, when he felt the bond open and Castiel's awe, humility, bafflement, confusion, adoration, apprehension, and hesitant love washed over him. Holding his mate, he gently tipped them to lie down on their side, still tangled together. He reached out blindly with his hand and drew the blanket over them to cocoon them in their pocket of emotions and scents.

When Ellen came to check in on them a couple of hours later, she found them sleeping, limbs tightly intertwined, content and relaxed. She smiled and gathered the tray from the bed, leaving them be.

∞

Dean was embarrassed, uncomfortable, and not a little guilty. He was blissfully happy about the turn of events with Castiel, but at the same time he was very, very self-conscious of the circumstances that had led to it. It had taken Kevin's death for him and his mate to find each other and he felt like it tainted everything. He felt like he should apologize to Linda for his happiness when she had lost her son, but he didn't know how. Castiel noticed, of course, that he was troubled, and was visibly confused about Dean's behavior, but hadn't confronted him, yet.

One day, when they were heading outside, they came across Linda in the hallway. Dean had Castiel comfortably under his arm, an easy smile on his face, and contentment swaying gently over their bond. It was a week after Kevin's death, and his mother was still in deep mourning. Dean froze mid-stride and dropped his hand from around Castiel. He felt his mate's confusion, hurt and rejection through the bond, and instantly wanted to reassure him, but he couldn't move, not with Linda looking straight at him.

"Dean, wha —." Castiel started, but got no further, when Dean flicked his hand at him to stop him. He felt a burst of annoyance and resignation from Castiel, while his own ambiguous feelings made his head hurt. He nodded at Linda as they passed and grit his teeth at the inevitable confrontation he would end up having with his omega.

"Dean," he heard a firm voice behind him, and apprehensively, he turned to face Kevin's mother. She regarded him with level stare, her eyes assessing him and picking him bare.

"Is there something I can do for you?" His voice was polite, but underneath there was a strong dose of guilt.

She watched him a while longer, and then smiled kindly. "Yes." She walked to stand in front of him and raised her hand to touch his face gently. "Live and love, that's what you can do for me."

Dean blinked several times. "Excuse me?"

"Kevin looked up to you, you know. With all his young alpha posturing, it was always you who he wanted to impress, who he wanted to grow up resembling. You were his role model, the father figure he never had." She dropped her hand and cocked her head. "You seem to harbour this misplaced guilt about his death. It wasn't your fault; neither the loss of his wolverine nor his own life, so don't blame yourself for them, because I surely don't."

Dean ducked his head and swallowed thickly. He felt Castiel's presence at his side, warm, solid and comforting, radiating understanding and forgiveness. "I'm sorry Linda," he managed.

She sighed. "Well, so am I. I will mourn him for a long time, but there's no reason you should," she said, her voice a bit sharper. "Don't lose yourself in it, Dean. You have a mate and your life is ahead of you. Make sure you use it well. You don't disrespect Kevin by showing your love to your mate, but you disrespect us all if you don't."

Dean was speechless. He had imagined the conversation between him and Kevin's mother in his head over and over again, and this was not how it had played out. Castiel's hand snaked into his and squeezed it. Dean felt grateful and grounded, and he gave Castiel a sheepish smile. His mate smiled back, a small, open smile.

A small cough drew the alpha's attention back to the small woman. She smiled wryly. "He was a bit infatuated with your mate, did you know? He would go on and on how gorgeous Castiel was, how nice and kind, and how fortunate an alpha you were to have him. He said he would've wanted to find a mate just like him, someday, to have what you have." Her gaze had turned inwards, when she got lost in memories, a gentle smile playing on her lips.

"Yes, I know. I'm truly fortunate," Dean said softly, his eyes serious when he looked at his mate. Castiel flushed slightly and dropped his gaze. Obviously his mate didn't yet believe how much he meant to Dean.

"Then I'd suggest you make the most of it, unless you want Kevin's spirit to come back and haunt you." She gave him a wry smile and turned to continue her way, wherever she had been going before the interruption.

Dean stared after her, not quite comprehending what had just happened. She had scolded him and given him her blessing, and she had been so... _motherly_ over it all. He shook his head in wonder and rubbed a hand over his face.

"You are wrong, by the way." Castiel said quietly from his side. Dean turned to look at him, a baffled frown on his face.

"About what?"

Castiel was silent and just looked at him. Dean felt fidgety, but didn't move.

"I'm the one who's fortunate," he said, at last.

Dean let out a breath as he stepped closer to his mate, cupped his face in his hands and rested his forehead onto his.

"Maybe we both are."

∞

When Castiel went into heat, spring had truly staked its claim. Nature seemed to blow into full bloom, fresh leaves bursting into life in trees and new grass sprouting everywhere. All around them, the wildlife prepared itself to the new cycle of life, enthusiastically embracing the sun: the light, the warmth, the promise of continuity and regrowth. A frenzied buzz also settled over the castle. It wasn't that uncommon for several omegas to go into heat at the same time, with spring and the close quarters acting as a trigger. Castiel was the only male omega in the area, though, and his potent pheromones seemed to kickstart the heat in several of the female omegas as well.

Dean had been waiting for the heat, but when it finally hit, he was a bit of a loss of what to do. He had only shared the mating heat with his mate, and, based what he had read, it usually tended to be shorter and more violent than a regular-heat cycle. When Castiel started to show early signs of heat settling in, Dean found himself hovering in their chambers, anxious and apprehensive. Eventually, Castiel's patience ran out.

"Heavens above Dean, _what?"_

The alpha flinched. "I. Um. What do you want me to do?"

"Ultimately? To mount and knot me." The omega's tone was irritated and a little distracted.

Dean's eyes bulged at the straightforwardness; this wasn't how his mate usually talked. Castiel sighed, clearly noticing the nervousness of his alpha.

"I'm sorry. My cycle is making me irritable." He paused. "Do you know anything about heats?"

Dean shook his head. "No. There aren't that many omegas around here, and it's not a subject my people would be especially comfortable sharing with me. Jo has mentioned something about burning up, but as she is like a sister to me... well. Let's just say we found other things to talk about."

Castiel nodded tersely. "My heats used to last five to seven days, but I'm not sure if that's still the case, or if I was affected by —." He stopped and closed his eyes, then turned his head away a little, as if evading the painful memory. "I won't lose my head, and it shouldn't be as frenzied as our mating heat. But I will be... insistent." He turned his gaze to Dean. "You will need to make sure I eat and drink, or I will be completely exhausted afterwards, and require a longer recovery period."

Dean nodded. "I can do that. Anything else?"

Castiel blushed and worried his lip between his teeth. "I'll probably say... some things. Profanities."

Dean felt suddenly hot all over, but he forced himself stay calm. "I think I can live with that, Cas."

His mate narrowed his eyes, but said nothing more.

It took a couple of days for the heat to settle in. Dean had instructed the servants to bring trays of light food and a plenty to drink three times a day and leave them outside their chambers. Castiel's scent was strong enough for everyone around them to realize what was about to happen, and, as Dean's behavior turned more possessive, they were pretty much left alone. No-one wanted to distract a possessive alpha whose mate was going into heat — especially when said alpha was also their Lord and who had almost lost his mate. Dean didn't complain.

Castiel in heat was a gorgeous creature. His features were flushed, his eyes dark, and he moved with a sensual grace that took Dean's breath away. He had been right when he had said that he wouldn't lose his head: the omega was in control of his actions, although said actions were quite debauched. The alpha was more than happy to indulge his beautiful mate and took him in exactly the way he was ordered to: in bed, on the floor, on the couch, against the wall; face-to-face, bent over the table, from behind; with Castiel under him, sitting on his lap or riding him.

As much as Dean enjoyed mounting Castiel, he loved their mating most when Castiel rode him. He was able to lie down and admire his mate moving above him, taking his pleasure as he wanted, with all Dean had to give. And when he was knotted deep inside his omega, Dean nipped and licked the renewed bondbite and sung softly to Castiel, waiting for him to recover so that Dean could feed him before their next round.

Dean loved every second of it.

 

* * *

 

His heat took five days, and, even though Castiel enjoyed himself immensely, he was relieved when it was over. Sharing a heat with an alpha was quite different from going through it alone; despite the rapture and the pleasure of repeated knotting, it also was a lot more tiring. After his hormones had run all over the place for five full days, Castiel was exhausted, and it took all of the little willpower he had left to eat and drink whatever Dean forced him to. He only wanted to curl on his side and sleep for a week.

Beforehand, Castiel had been a little nervous, mainly because he had no real memories of their mating heat, as their bonding hormones had made everything hazy and blurred. He had remembered how his heats had been before, when he had had to endure them on his own. He had remembered the insistent want and impatience, and while Dean was usually very jovial and let Castiel have his way, he hadn't been sure how Dean would react when he was ordered around in bed, when they both were running on base instincts.

Castiel probably should've had more faith in his alpha.

Dean had been an exceptionally considerate and tender lover. He had, in fact, mounted him a couple of times and renewed his bondbite, but aside from that he had been a content and loyal servant for Castiel's heat, obliging his every request, plea and downright order, never imposing or indicating he wanted to be in charge. Dean had taken care of him, made him climax more times that he could count, and fed him, making sure that he would pull through his heat in best way possible. Castiel didn't doubt even a moment that his heat was taking its toll on Dean, too, but the alpha never complained or hinted he was in any way discomforted.

And now, when it was over, his alpha pushed his own exhaustion aside, gave Castiel a bath, changed the bed linens and tucked him in, before taking a quick wash himself and crawling under the blankets to spoon Castiel yet again. The were both sated beyond reason and tired to the bone, and yet Castiel had never felt more fulfilled.

Yes, he truly was fortunate to have an alpha like Dean.

The following morning, he woke to a soft humming. He was still cradled in Dean's arms, tucked tightly to his side, his nose buried into his alpha's neck. He breathed in deeply the familiar warm and earthy scent of his mate, nutmeg and pine combined with cinnamon and apples — his own scent, he realized. Castiel smiled softly and nuzzled his nose a bit more, enjoying the little falter in Dean's humming.

"How are you feeling?" Dean asked and pecked a light kiss onto his forehead.

"Tired. Sore. Good," he added, when a trace of worry seeped over the bond. "Nothing to worry about, Dean."

His alpha nodded. "Okay. I was worried I had hurt you, that the continuous knotting would be too much."

"Honestly, I don't think I would have let you get away without knotting me," Castiel commented flatly.

Dean grinned. "You were quite insistent, as you warned. Bossy omega, that's what you are."

Castiel blushed and hid his face, embarrassed when reminded of his blatant lust over his alpha and his knot.

"Hey, don't hide from me." Dean scolded gently. He took Castiel's chin between his forefinger and thumb and made the omega meet his eyes. "I loved it. You were a gorgeous, beautiful, bossy omega, and I wouldn't change it for anything. Thank you." Dean's eyes were bright and green and Castiel felt like drowning in them. He reached his hand to brush his alpha's lips and kissed him softly, and then settled back to his side.

Dean combed his hair with his fingers, and Castiel started to drift off. When Dean started humming again, he stirred, his curiosity taking over.

"What's that song?"

"It's the mating song of our ancestors. One of the few remaining shaman songs we still know."

Castiel 'hmm'-ed. "Like the one at the funeral?"

"Yes. There used to be so many, but we only remember a handful of them. It's a shame, really. We should know more about our forefathers, but there's so little left. That lore cannot be found in books since it's an oral history. But at least we have these songs."

There was a moment of comfortable silence. Dean combed his fingers through Castiel's hair and he brushed random lines on Dean's chest with his forefinger.

"The songs help us connect better with the spirit world, they sort of focus us better. I don't know how it actually works because I don't even understand the words, but I can feel it. It's like everything is sharper and blurred at the same time, and I can feel everything and nothing. The most important ones are Heajat Lávlla, the Song of Mating; Riegádus Lávlla, the Song of Birth; and Jápmin Lávlla, the Song of Death." Dean paused and hesitated. "You have heard two of them."

Castiel frowned, and then he understood.

∞

During the following couple of weeks, Castiel dove into his duties. He wanted to learn as much about his new home as possible, and he felt like he had already lost so much time between his reluctancy, the sulking, and everything that had happened after his miscarriage. Ellen was surprised, pleased and amused and eventually she tried to moderate his enthusiasm. But Castiel was determined. He wanted to know _everything_ and he wanted to know it _now._ After a week of rigorous pestering from Castiel, Ellen redirected his overeagerness to Bobby and Sam, who were more than happy to teach him as much as he could stand. His only wish was that they would keep it a secret from Dean. Bobby and Sam were dubious at first, not wanting to act behind Dean's back, but after Castiel explained his motives, they agreed to assist him.

Castiel wanted to make his alpha proud. He wanted to prove himself, to be worthy of his mate and their people, and he felt that the best way to do it was to learn as much of their history as possible. Castiel knew he was a fast and efficient learner, and the library and archives of Grey Castle were surprisingly comprehensive. He had liked the library of his childhood home, but his wish to learn had been scoffed at, since his family hadn't believed in omegas needing information even as much as Castiel had craved it. But here, he was free to indulge, and he did it with fervor.

He was very, very intrigued by Dean's shaman ancestors. It seemed quite clear that the old blood ran thick in the Northerners, with their strong connections to their totems, and, to Castiel, Sam's abilities were an undeniable proof of the old power. He wondered if there was some way to re-acquire the old knowledge, to relearn the old songs and find their way back to the old Forest Spirits. He had a feeling it was a deep yearning in Dean, and he promised himself that he would find a way to make it happen. Meanwhile, he devoted his attention to assimilating every volume in the castle library and archives.

As spring sprinted forward, Castiel felt strangely composed and focused, like he was somehow more at ease with himself. Balanced, even. He wondered if his improved relationship with Dean was the reason, added to their newfound intimacy and mutual affection. He sensed Dean's feelings and intentions better than before, and he even felt the presence the wolf better than he had before. The canine totem still followed him around, and the ermine usually tagged along. Castiel had noticed that his connection with his ermine had started to stretch, as if the Northern way was rubbing off them. It had been slow going, the distance and time of their separation growing very carefully, until one day Castiel blinked and realized he was, in fact, in the woods and his ermine was in the castle, while he was accompanied by the wolf alone. For a brief time he panicked, the instinctual need to be near his totem overwhelming his senses. Then he was flooded with threefold of calm and safety, as his mate and both totems told him that everything was alright. It was very strange indeed.

And then, the nausea hit.

This time, it didn't take Castiel very long to realize what was going on. He had woken up alone, as Dean had already gone to his duties, and when he got out of bed, he was struck by a sense of lightheadedness. When his head finally cleared, his stomach had roiled. He had barely made it to the basin and had retched long and hard, effectively emptying the contents of his stomach and then some. When the nausea receded, Castiel slumped to the floor and leaned his head against the wall behind him. He breathed with pointed calm, contemplated his condition with dread swelling inside him. Then he counted backwards, catalogued his symptoms, counted again, and vomited again.

He tried to get ahold of his feelings lest he alarmed Dean, but he realized he was doing a piss-poor job of it. His mate's worry was already filtering through the bond, and Castiel didn't have the willpower to placate his alpha.

He was pregnant. Again.

A cold terror gripped his insides and made his breath catch in his throat. What if he failed again? What if his body rejected the pup again? What if —

Castiel curled to his side and drew his knees up against his stomach. For a moment he wondered if he could shield the pup, the _potential_ of the pup, by curling his body around it and staying still. If he wished hard enough, would his body let him keep it? If he didn't move at all and barely breathed, would he be allowed to have this?

He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his lips together, but couldn't stop a soft whimper from escaping. Heavens, he wanted this so much — he couldn't even begin to comprehend how much he wanted this. How could he _not_ want this pup? A combination of him and his alpha, the ultimate gift he wanted his alpha to have. He would gladly sacrifice his own life, if he could give his mate an heir, a pup Dean so much longed for. Dean had wanted to sing the Song of Birth, and Castiel had robbed him of the opportunity. He couldn't — _wouldn't_ do it this time.

If only he was allowed to carry this pup full term. If only...

Castiel hadn't realized Dean had barged in and was kneeling in front of him. He was murmuring softly, but Castiel couldn't hear what his alpha was trying to say. Dean cupped his face with his hands, stared intently into his eyes and called his name sharply. Castiel didn't hear it, because someone was murmuring a constant _"please please please please please please please —."_ Then Dean kissed him and the murmuring stopped.

"Cas. Cas! Look at me!" Dean's voice was urgent, his anxiety roiling around them in thick waves. Castiel blinked and stared at him, momentarily at loss of why his mate was so frightened.

"What?" His breath came in strangled sobs and he curled back onto the floor.

"Castiel! Breathe! Stay with me, Cas. _Breathe, love, breathe._ "

Why was Dean here? Why was his alpha kneeling in front of him? He tried to lift his hand and reassure his alpha, but his limbs were not obeying him. Strange. And why was Castiel having trouble breathing? Most peculiar. He felt dizzy and his heart was racing, and suddenly he was shaking and cold and hot and — Oh Heavens was he going to die? And then he felt like he was falling, falling falling...

 

* * *

 

Seeing his mate whimper in a pathetic heap beside his own vomit, reeking of panic and distress, not to mention their bond gone haywire with emotions, was one of the most terrifying moments of Dean's life.

He had been going over the castle accounts with Sam when he had felt their bond go almost mute, a distant feeling of dread filtering through. He had bolted immediately, calling his wolf and running to their chambers. He found his mate curled on his side, sobbing and begging incoherently, with no evidence of a physical wound. Something was horribly wrong, but Castiel was hyperventilating and in no condition to answer him. Dean kissed his mate and was thus able to stop him from begging, but then Castiel's breath caught and he started to shake, and then, to Dean's shock, he went limp.

Dean let out an animalistic cry of anguish. No! _Not again, not like this!_ He had just gotten Castiel back, and everything was going so well. Why was this happening again? Had Dean offended his ancestors in some unforgivable way that they felt it necessary to take his omega from him? If Castiel was gone, he would have no reason to live anymore! His whole existence coiled around his mate, and without him, Dean was nothing.

He sensed movement behind him, and, eyes full of tears, he turned to look at his wolf, who had rushed in shortly after the alpha. "Please," he begged, not sure for what. The wolf watched him with his green eyes and sent calmness over their connection, an act so baffling that Dean could only gape. The wolf cocked his head and padded softly to them, stared at the omega and then poked gently his abdomen.

"What are you doing?" Dean snarled, in no mood for his wolf's tricks.

The totem rolled his eyes at him and poked Castiel's abdomen again, sending a quite clear 'you are an idiot' through their connection. Dean blinked, and —

_Oh._

He bent his head and scented his mate. It was a bit hard, with the pungent smell of vomit right beside him, but when he concentrated, he could smell it... right... there. The sweet, milky warm tone under Castiel's own cinnamon apple and lavender, now combined with Dean's nutmeg and pine. It was the scent of an early pregnancy, the promise of a pup shyly growing inside his mate. Dean placed his hand carefully on Castiel's lower abdomen and blinked hard, trying to reign in his overflowing emotions.

A pup. They had another chance.

Dean swallowed, gathered his limp mate into his arms and carried him to bed. He arranged Castiel carefully on his side, remembering that Castiel had liked to rest on his side the last time. Dean cleaned away the evidence of Castiel's sick and then climbed into bed to curl around his mate. Castiel was very pale, his breath coming in little sobs, but his heart had slowed down and he wasn't shaking anymore. At least that was good, Dean thought.

He laid beside Castiel, stroked his hair and kept their bond open, sending all his love and devotion over it. Come to think of it, Dean wasn't that surprised that Castiel had reacted like that. His last pregnancy had ended in a catastrophe, but Dean suspected it hadn't been that pleasant for Castiel to begin with. He sighed. He wished he could make it up to his mate this time, that he would be able to prove his worth as a good alpha, that he would be able to protect his mate and their developing pup. He only hoped that Castiel would trust him enough.

His thoughts were disturbed when Castiel stirred. He blinked several times, eyes unfocused, taking in his surroundings. When he saw Dean, he froze and his eyes went wide, and Dean felt panic flare through their bond. His heart clenched. He was truly a pitiful excuse of an alpha if his pregnant mate was afraid of him.

"Cas, please," he whispered. "Don't be afraid. I won't let you down this time, please, let me stay." He knew he was begging but he really couldn't care less. His mate and their pup were the only things that mattered.

Castiel's face went slack with surprise. "What?"

Dean pushed himself to sit on the bed. "I promise I'll try to make it right this time. I won't push you, I'll do anything you want me to. Please, let me make it up to you —"

"Dean, stop."

Dean's mouth snapped shut.

Castiel closed his eyes and swallowed. Dean felt a sick feeling gripping his gut. So this was it, then?

"I'm not afraid of you. I'm afraid of me." Castiel's eyes were tightly shut and his voice was small and scared. He was lying in fetal position, curled inwards in all possible ways, and while Dean didn't understand at all what was happening, he couldn't bear to see his mate like that. He lay down and drew Castiel into his embrace.

"Right now you're scaring me a lot, Cas. Please, tell me what's wrong. Let me help." His voice nearly broke with his desperate need for his mate to trust him. Castiel was silent for a long time, but Dean let him. He had learned that his mate took his time, and rushing would only make things worse.

"After Kevin's death you said you had killed our pup. That's not possible, Dean. I know that because I did that. I killed our pup." Castiel's voice was monotone, devoid all emotion. Dean stiffened, but forced himself to listen. "I didn't want to come here and bond with you. And then, before I even realized it, I was pregnant, and I hated it. I worked so hard and so much just to forget everything, to make it all go away so that I could be _me_ again. I thought I didn't want the pup, I hoped —. I wished — no, _wanted_ it to be gone. And then it was, I had succeeded, and I hated myself for it. I still do." Castiel drew a shuddering breath and opened his eyes.

"And now... I can't, Dean. I can't. I want this so much, but I can't, because I'm not worthy of having a pup, I don't deserve it, and you'll hate me, and..." Castiel's voice broke and he started to cry: dry, painful sobs that raked through his throat and made his body convulse. Their bond was a jumbled mess of fear, panic, regret, hopelessness, loss and self-hatred, and Dean's head spun with the tumultuous emotions.

Dean had had no idea. He had thought Castiel had been heartbroken because he had lost the pup, but, in fact, Castiel had thought he had killed it. Oh Heavens, his mate had carried the enormous guilt inside him for no reason, and Dean had been so blind. No wonder he had tried to take his own life. Dean felt a sudden flare of protective, possessive rage and love and made no attempt to damp it. He felt Castiel gasp and held him tighter.

"Remember what you told me, after Kevin's death?" He asked his omega. "You said you wouldn't have me blaming myself over the failure of your body, that it wasn't my fault. Well, I tell you now that I won't have you blame yourself over the loss of our pup. Don't you dare say you killed our pup. It wasn't your fault, you cannot cause a miscarriage through thought, Cas." Dean felt his mate shake his head in denial, and he drew back a little and made his mate to look at him in the eye.

"I do not blame you. I do not hate you. I want you and our pup, you understand? I trust you, Cas. I trust you and I love you."

The alpha kissed his mate and wished for all his heart that his omega would believe him. He was completely and totally convinced Castiel would be a wonderful parent, if only they made it so far.

Castiel stared him, disbelief and hope warring in his eyes, but he didn't try to get away, which Dean counted as a small victory. He traced the line of Castiel's jaw and said softly, "Try to get some sleep, okay? I'm going nowhere."

Castiel drew a couple of deep breaths, the bond and his emotions calming down, gratitude floating over everything. He closed his eyes and nodded, and burrowed into Dean. Dean closed his eyes as well, pressed his nose into Castiel's hair and rubbed slow circles into his mate's back. It didn't take long for Castiel to fall asleep, but, despite his efforts, Dean couldn't relax thoroughly.

When he heard a soft rap from the door, he opened his eyes. The door opened slightly and Sam peeked inside, his face in worried lines. When he saw Castiel asleep in Dean's arms, he relaxed visibly. Dean sensed that Castiel was in deep sleep, and he pushed himself to sit up and beckoned his brother inside with a nod.

"What happened?" Sam asked quietly after closing the door behind him. "I felt... something. I don't know what. Like a storm of anxiety and fear and then it was gone."

"You — what?" Dean blinked and shook his head. "Nevermind. Sammy, one day we're gonna have a long talk about your abilities, okay?" His beta brother gave him a sheepish smile and went serious again.

"Uh. Right." No way to say it gently, so Dean just rolled with it. "Cas is with pup. He believes he caused his miscarriage after the Midwinter Feast, and had some kind of a panic attack because he thinks he's no longer worthy of having a pup."

Sam stared him with his mouth open. Dean winced. "Yeah, I know."

The beta closed his mouth with a snap. "Whoa. Just —. Okay." He walked carefully towards the bed and cocked his head, intently watching the sleeping omega. Dean felt a little irritated about the scrutiny, but he knew his brother. Sam probably had a reason to stare at his mate so keenly. Hopefully.

"I think that explains something," Sam said softly. Dean raised his brow, waiting. After a moment, he coughed and commented dryly, "Any time you feel comfortable to share, Sammy."

Sam jerked his eyes to Dean and blinked. "Oh, sorry. I was just thinking." He sat on the bed, somehow able to fold his big frame into very small and light bundle, barely rocking the mattress. "Cas has had a hard time believing he's important to you and to us. He couldn't understand why the totems were ready to sacrifice themselves and their humans to save him from his jump."

Dean gritted his teeth. "Yeah, I've noticed," he said in a low voice. "In a way I'm disappointed that his family didn't come to our bonding ceremony. I would've wanted to see the alpha who made him believe he's unworthy just because he's an omega." He paused. "On the other hand, maybe it was for the best. I would've probably punched them in the face."

"Always the diplomat," Sam smiled.

"Bitch."

"Jerk."

They grinned at each other, enjoying the brotherly bickering. Then Castiel shifted slightly in his sleep and they both dropped their eyes to him.

"I would do anything for him," Dean said quietly, his whole heart in those six words.

Sam glanced at him and averted his eyes from the raw emotions on Dean's face. "I know," he said gently. Then a thought hit him. "How about _her?"_

Dean frowned. "Her? You mean —. Oh." He chewed his lip. "She's creepy."

"Only because she can see straight through you."

"She doesn't even have eyes!" Dean hissed, annoyed at his brother's amused face. "But, yeah. I think you're right," he agreed.

Sam nodded. "I'll go find her."

Dean watched absently when Sam got up and walked to the door. He turned his attention back to his mate and didn't bother answering his brother's goodbyes.

Castiel slept on, a small frown between his eyes, little hiccups disturbing his breathing every now and then. Dean lay down beside him, gathered him close and breathed in deeply the scent of his pregnant omega.

 

* * *

 

When Castiel woke up, he felt groggy and disoriented. For a moment, he was completely at a loss as to where he was and what had happened, and then he remembered. Oh Heavens, had he had a some kind of an attack? Was he alright- was the _pup_ alright? He felt Dean's wolf as a steady presence on his side and gripped a handful of his fur as he pressed his other hand on his abdomen, calming himself, even though he knew he wouldn't feel anything for a long while yet. He felt a slight swell of nausea creep upon him and he forced himself to breathe calmly: in through the nose, out through the mouth, in — out — in — out... He slowly gained control over his rebelling stomach and sighed in relief, easing his grip on the wolf's fur.

"Feeling better, darling?"

Castiel's head snapped up and he saw a beautiful alpha woman sitting calmly on a chair beside his bed. She had a lean frame that radiated power, and dark brown hair framed her striking face. What drew Castiel's attention, though, were her eyes. They were completely milky white, and they stared right at Castiel, _in_ him, _through_ him. He had never felt more naked in his life. He glanced to his side, in pure reflex, and in spite of knowing that Dean was not there.

The woman smiled. "Dean's not here, though you knew that already. He's..." The woman tilted her head slightly, "...at the hut right now. He left so that we could talk in peace. Or that's what he says anyway. The truth is that he just thinks I'm creepy," she grinned and winked.

Castiel stared in bewilderment.

"Oh, don't look so scandalized, darling."

Castiel's jaw dropped.

"And close your mouth, it's not very becoming."

Castiel snapped his mouth shut. The woman tilted her head more and asked, not unkindly. "Now, how are you feeling, Castiel?"

Castiel said the first thing that came to his mind. "Hungry."

The alpha threw her head back and laughed, a throaty, bubbling laugh that somehow made Castiel feel warm. "Well, why don't you come here and eat something?" She pointed a finger at the table, and Castiel realized there was a tray waiting for him. He climbed out of bed, grabbed Dean's robe from the floor, pulled it around him, and padded to the table. The woman followed him with her eyes.

Castiel munched some bread and cheese, feeling grateful that his morning sickness was held at bay for the moment. He poured himself some tea, wrinkling his nose at the scent. He didn't think more of it until he sipped the brew an paused.

"What —"

"It's good for you and your pup. I brought it. Drink at least one pitcher every day, but no more than three. One handful of the mix per one pitcher of boiling water." She was suddenly standing right beside Castiel and held a pouch in her hand. "It's red raspberry leaves combined with mint, slippery elm, fennel and chamomile. You can add honey too, if you like the taste better that way." She smiled and dropped the pouch onto Castiel's lap.

Castiel blinked at the pouch, then looked at the alpha and then at the tea in his cup. He blinked again and sipped the brew. It was different. Strangely spicy with a slightly bitter aftertaste. There was a little jar of honey on the tray and he added a spoonful.

"Yes, definitely better with honey," he said. The alpha nodded, pleased.

"Who are you?" Castiel asked, no longer able to quell his curiosity.

The woman sat beside him on the couch, giving no hint that she didn't see properly. "Who do you think?" She asked, arching a brow.

Castiel sipped his tea and thought. "You are at ease in here, in the private chambers of the Lord of this castle. You talk about Dean like you know him well enough to tease him. He knows you well enough to leave me with you, although he is extremely possessive and protective now that I'm with pup. Our totems are totally at ease on the bed, and the wolf is even more protective than Dean. You are an alpha and one of the most powerful ones that I've ever met. You are blind, but you see." He paused and sipped some more of his tea. "Are you a Spirit Healer?"

The alpha's brows shot up and she gave him a surprised smile. "Well. You have been studying, haven't you?" Castiel blushed, not exactly sure whether he had been complimented or scolded. "I thank you for the compliment, but, sadly no, I'm not a Spirit Healer. There haven't been any for centuries. I'm merely blessed with the Sight, that's all." She gave him a quick smile and then sobered. "I'm Pamela, but you can call me Pam, if you like. Now. Why don't you tell me what's wrong?"

For a fleeting moment Castiel entertained the idea of denying anything was wrong, but he abandoned it almost instantly. The alpha, Pamela, was clearly gifted and would know right away that he was lying. Besides, he actually wanted to talk, and he had a feeling that Pamela could, in fact, help him. Nevertheless, getting started was quite difficult.

"I —," he begun, his throat suddenly dry. He gulped some more of the brew Pamela had provided, then put the cup on the table, clasped his hands together and drew breath. "I'm afraid."

"Of what?"

"Of myself."

"Why?"

Castiel squeezed his eyes shut and braced himself. "Because I killed my pup and then I tried to take my own life."

Silence. Then, "Really? How did you manage to do that?"

Castiel's eyes flew open and he gaped at Pamela. "Sorry?"

"The pup. How did you do it?" Pamela's voice was mild, devoid of all else emotions except curiosity.

"I. Ah. I wanted it gone. And. Um. I worked myself into exhaustion, repeatedly. And I rejected my alpha," he added with a small voice.

"Hmm," was all Pamela said, her face pensive. Castiel sat still, until he couldn't, and started to fidget a little. He poured himself another cup of the brew, added some honey and sipped the drink down in small gulps. He felt oddly better, like the tea had helped to settle his stomach a little already.

"Interesting," Pamela said, tapping a finger to her lip. "Did you actually do anything? Like drink certain herbal concoctions or insert a sharp object to your channel?"

Castiel gasped in horror. "No! Why are you asking me that?" He felt Dean's concern spike through their bond and calmed his feelings, sending his apology to his mate.

"Well. You did say you wanted the pup gone. I just wanted to determine how badly." Pamela smirked. Castiel frowned in confusion. "Do you have any idea how many females and male omegas have actually wanted to get rid of their pups and what they were willing to try to accomplish it?" Castiel shook his head, dumbfounded. "And do you have any idea how rarely they actually succeed?" Castiel shook his head again. "You cannot get rid of your pup by merely wanting it, Castiel."

"But... Why then? I don't understand."

Pamela shrugged. "There was probably something wrong. Either you weren't ready or the pup wasn't fit to be born. If it eases your mind, you wouldn't have been able to stop it no matter what you did. Bedrest might have worked for a while, but you were in so early that the probability of the continued pregnancy was practically nonexistent. The stress you were going through likely sped things up a little, but it doesn't make it your fault."

Castiel sat in silence, chewing his lip. His thoughts were scattered and his emotions a whirlwind; in the back of his mind he felt Dean's growing concern pulse through. He closed his eyes and made a conscience effort of calming himself, breathing in and out, in and out, and slowly regained his composure. When Pamela's cool fingers closed around his left wrist, he opened his eyes. The touch was calming and grounding, and Castiel latched on it like on a lifeline, drawing strength from the strange alpha sitting beside him. A couple of moments passed in silence and then Castiel exhaled softly and nodded, and Pamela let his wrist go.

"What now?" He asked quietly.

Pamela cocked her head. "What do you mean, darling?" She inquired, but when Castiel said nothing, she leaned back and pursed her lips. "How are you feeling?" She asked, repeating her question from the beginning of their meeting. "And by that I mean compared to your first pregnancy. Do you feel the same or are there any differences?"

Castiel frowned and thought for a moment. "I feel better," he concluded. "Calmer and more centered. Like I'm balanced somehow. " He glanced up at Pamela. "Does it make any sense?"

Pamela made a noncommittal sound and tapped her fingers to her lips again. "Anything else?" She prompted.

Castiel ducked his head and blushed slightly. "I feel at home. Like I belong here. Like I'm being loved." The last words were almost a whisper, like he was afraid to speak them. And in a way he was. Feelings were so fragile and Castiel wasn't accustomed admitting them out loud. He was practicing with Dean, but it was slow going. He wasn't exactly sure why he was so hesitant: was it because he didn't believe in them yet or because he was afraid they would all go away if he dared utter them?

"Oh, but you are." Pamela's voice was warm, tinted with amusement. "Loved, that is." She shifted a little, leaned forward and narrowed her strange, white eyes at Castiel. "Do you know the meaning of 'true mates'?"

Castiel raised his brows. "I'm not sure," he admitted. "I know something, but ever since I arrived here, most of my knowledge has been proved wrong. Aren't they supposed to be the mates intended by destiny, a true match that completes each other? An almost magical mate we will identify immediately? Or that's what all the stories say."

"Mmm... yes and no. There's no magic involved, not as far as I'm aware, or not the kind the stories tell. True mates are a rarity and the odds of finding one are slim at best. In our lore, true mates share the heritage of shaman blood, and that makes their connection stronger."

"Dean believes that we are true mates."

Pamela huffed a fond laugh. "Dean's a romantic at heart," she grinned. "You might be or you might not be. Him believing in it doesn't change the fact that he loves you more than he has ever loved anything in his life, and if you make each other feel complete, well, it might just as well mean that you are biologically highly compatible."

"Should I tell him?" Castiel asked hesitantly.

"Tell him what, exactly? That you don't believe it? That he is a romantic fool?" Pamela arched her brow in gentle teasing.

"No!" Castiel denied vehemently and then stopped. Did he believe it? He definitely was very much at ease with Dean and felt more at home than ever before. After he had admitted to himself that he loved his alpha deeply, he had gained a strong sense of rightfulness and peace, and it had been before Dean had told him he believed them to be true mates.

"Would it actually change anything, if you were true mates or not?" Pamela's voice was gentle and her white eyes were oddly warm.

Castiel's frame relaxed and shook his head. "No, it really wouldn't," he answered softly and placed his hand on his abdomen.

Pamela nodded and smiled. "That's what I thought." She stood up with an air of finality. "I don't think you need to worry about this pup, Castiel. You are stronger in body and spirit, and you already feel this pregnancy is different. The body knows, trust it. But I'd suggest you keep on drinking my tea anyway," she winked.

Castiel was left sitting on the couch, deep in thought, and staring at the hand resting on his abdomen. Pamela walked with sure steps towards the door, but, before she opened it, she turned to look at the wolf, who watched her sharply with his green eyes. They shared a knowing look, and then Pamela nodded her head in greeting and left, content with her meeting with Dean's mate. She hadn't told Castiel the true reason of why all totems were fiercely protecting him or why he meant so much to the clan. Nor had she told him that nearly all the clan's fertile, mated females were pregnant. Dean and Castiel would find it out later anyway, when they were ready. She smiled and called for her ptarmigan. Time to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor character death, mental break-down, panic attack.
> 
> The Shaman songs titles are a direct translate from the [Northern Sami language](http://people.uta.fi/~km56049/same/svocab.html). The Sami people – also known as Laplanders – are the only native people of the European Union, living in the area called Sápmi that covers the Northern parts of Norway, Sweden, Finland and Russia. More info about the Sami people can be found at [Gáldu](http://www.galdu.org/web/index.php?giella1=eng), [Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sami_people) and [UN](http://www.unric.org/en/latest-news/27750-the-sami-one-people-four-countries-).  
> When I use the Sami language as the lost Shaman language of this 'verse, I do it with utmost respect and love. If, however, there is something that's amiss or needs correction, please, let me know.  
> • heajat = wedding; marriage  
> • riegádus = birth  
> • jápmin = death  
> • lávlla = song


	4. Midsummer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music:  
> [Jean Sibelius: Symphony No.3 Op 52: III. Moderato - Allegro (ma non tanto) ](http://open.spotify.com/track/30qE4BMhfY9uu16NDpTiKQ)  
> This is the third and fourth movement in one piece. The transition happens at 4:28, but you'll hear when the movement changes.

Summer was rushing in. If the springtime had been busy, early summer was downright insane. Dean couldn't remember the last time he had been this busy, working from early morning 'til late night, only to collapse into Castiel's arms, completely exhausted. It was like there was suddenly a twofold of work to be done: fields to prepare; houses to repair; flocks to tend to. Sometimes Dean was convinced that the whole castle area and its residents had experienced a growth spurt, because there was so much _more_ of everything.

But no matter how tired Dean was, he was blissfully happy. He felt useful when he worked alongside his people: sweaty and spent, using all his knowledge and experience for the good of the clan. During the short breaks between working, he received claps on the back, compliments about his work and congratulations for Castiel's new pregnancy. He felt deeply touched and humbled with the latter, about the genuine love directed at him and Castiel. Of course, Dean was beside himself with joy, but that his people felt it too and shared their happiness with their Lord and Laird — that was nearly overwhelming.

Pregnant Castiel was gorgeous. Well, in all honesty, Dean thought that Castiel in general was gorgeous, but the pregnancy added a soft glow and radiance that Dean found utterly irresistible. On top of that, Castiel was more sure of himself now, gradually winding himself back to the sassy omega he had been when they had first met. Or not exactly the same sassy omega, but something softer, more whole and mature. He met with Pamela every now and then, and while Dean felt curious about what they talked about, he really didn't want to know. Castiel benefited from the meetings, and that was enough for Dean. Besides, Pamela was scary, and Dean had no real urge to meet her, no matter how much Castiel liked her.

As a result, Dean was having a hard time keeping his hands off of his mate, but he truly tried. He remembered how crestfallen Castiel had been during his first pregnancy, when Dean had acted on his urges, and the alpha didn't want to repeat his mistakes. But Castiel had an almost perpetual, beautiful flush on his cheeks, his scent was tantalizing, and Dean was almost certain that sometimes his mate swayed his hips just to tempt him.

Like on the previous day: Dean had been repairing the damages the spring floods had caused to the one of the stone corrals, and Castiel had arrived, bringing a basket with lunch for Dean and his men. Dean had almost growled and pinned the omega against the corral, but had caught himself in time and narrowed his eyes to glare at Castiel. His mate had lowered his eyes demurely, but his lips had twitched tellingly. When Dean had turned, his men had hidden their admiring and amused grins and had suddenly been very, very busy examining the stonework or the growth of the grass. Castiel had served them drinks with bread and dried fruits, and chatted with them, showing genuine interest in every workman, alpha and beta alike. They had been completely besotted with Castiel, and Dean had felt fiercely proud of his beautiful mate, letting him feel it through their bond.

That night he had shown Castiel exactly how alluring he thought his pregnant mate was, and when the omega had groaned through his release, Dean had been sure he was the most fortunate alpha alive.

∞

"Dean?" Sam's voice was thoughtful.

"Hmm?"

"Don’t you feel that this year has been a bit... excessive?"

Dean lifted his head up and tried to focus on his brother. They were in Dean’s office, meticulously going through the headcount of their livestock. The office had belonged to Lord John, but it had been Dean's realm for over a decade now. He had been hesitant to change anything and kept on using his father's filing system, but then Castiel had happened. In an efficient burst of energy his mate had gone through the office archives, re-filed everything, and had somehow managed to organize everything in a way that left the office open and usable. Dean remembered how proud Castiel had been when he had finished and how prettily he had blushed when he was drowned in the combined praises and compliments from Dean, Sam, Ellen, and, surprisingly enough, from Bobby and Rufus too. Castiel had blinked and smiled shyly and looked at Dean, his eyes bright with delight, and Dean had stood there and wondered how he had gotten so lucky.

"Dean!" Exasperation was quite evident in Sam's voice now.

"What?" Dean snapped, a little annoyed to be wrenched from his reveries.

"You were mooning again," Sam said with an eye roll.

"Was not," Dean huffed. Sam raised his brow and Dean sniffed. "Yeah, okay, maybe a little." He grinned happily and Sam shook his head, smiling.

"I asked if you thought this year is a bit on the overabundant side."

Dean frowned slightly. "How come?"

Sam narrowed his eyes. "I'm not sure. I've got this feeling..." He fell silent and stared at the papers in front of him, tapping his fingers. Dean waited patiently. He knew that Sam had a lot of thoughts in that big head of his and needed time to collect them.

"Okay," Sam said, his voice tentative. "Don't say anything, just listen, okay?" Dean gave him a look, but nodded and leaned back on his chair, giving a small 'go on then' motion with his hand.

"Okay," Sam repeated. "Remember the day when Castiel had his panic attack? Yeah, I know, stupid question," he smirked at Dean's expression. "Anyway, I said then that I had felt something, like an emotional storm or something like that. I think it was Cas."

"What?"

"I know, it sounds crazy. But, just hear me out, okay?" Sam raked his hand through his hair and blinked a couple of times, and drew breath as if bracing himself. "So, I've been thinking. There's something going on and for some reason I've got this feeling that it's all connected. To Castiel."

Dean stiffened and leaned forward a bit, his whole attention on his brother. Sam raised a placating hand and smiled grimly.

"First, the way your wolf connected himself to Cas. Then the totems were ready to sacrifice themselves and their humans to save him, and his suicide attempt pushed me to skinwalk. After that my connection with my owl has become... I don't know, fluent? Like we’re almost one, our communication is so fluid. And after Kevin —" Sam turned his head slightly. "You got closer, right? Your relationship got better, you connected. And now Cas is with pup, and —" He huffed in frustration. "Did you know that practically every fertile, mated female of our clan is with pup? Our livestock fare better than ever, our fields flourish and everything is so... _alive!"_

Dean blinked. "And exactly how is this because of Cas?"

"I don't know!" Sam exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. "I really don't, except everything seems to revolve around him, like he's somehow connected to it all, and — What?" Sam paused, reading something from Dean's face.

Dean swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. "Um. Would it make a difference, if he was my true mate?"

Sam stared. "What?" He asked flatly.

"You heard me. I think — No, I _know_ he's my true mate. And..." His voice trailed away as he squeezed his eyes shut. There was _something,_ something his mom had said a long, long time ago, when he had been just a pup. "Shit," he swore, earning a raised brow from Sam. "What was it..." he muttered and groaned in frustration.

"Dean?" Sam questioned.

Dean rubbed his face with his hand. "I remember mom telling me something about true mates, but it was almost two decades ago, and I can't —" He pinched the base of his nose with his fingers, trying to force himself to remember. "It was something about true mates, like alpha-omega pairs blessing the land and the clan or something." He blew out a lungful of air and shook his head. "Damn, I don't remember!"

Sam stared at him, eyes wide and jaw slack. "Dean," he breathed. "If it's true..."

"Then what?" Dean asked sharply. "Is he in danger?"

"No, no." Sam's eyes darted around the room and Dean could almost hear his thoughts scrambling all over his head. His brother jumped from his chair and started to pace around the room, unable to hide his excitement.

"No, he's not in any danger, on the contrary, I think. You know, this might actually explain it all." He grinned widely and Dean offered a tentative smile back. "Think about it, Dean! Your wolf sensed something in him right away, so did the other totems. At first, I thought they were doing it mainly for you, but they were doing it for the both of you and literally for the clan."

"Shit."

"Yeah," Sam agreed.

"So, what? I'm mated to a fertility..." Dean waved his hands obscurely, "...thing?"

"Thing?" Sam snorted.

Dean rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean, bitch."

"Yeah, jerk." Sam slumped back to his chair, and they sat in silence for a moment, both trying to wrap their heads around the turn in their conversation. Then Sam grinned. "Fertility, eh?"

"What?"

"Fertility means pups. Litters of pups." He wiggled his brows at Dean, who felt his face heat a little.

"Piss off," he grumbled good naturedly. Sam laughed and bounced off his chair. "I'll try to dig the archives to see if there's something. And I think we'll need to have a chat with Pam." He scooted out without a further comment, leaving Dean to blink after him.

Litters of pups? Dean could live with that.

 

* * *

 

Castiel was walking in the meadow near the castle, absorbed in his thoughts, the early summer heat warming his neck. He was comfortable and happy. He smiled slightly and placed a gentle hand on his lower abdomen, where he thought he could feel the new life growing. Of course, the pregnancy wasn’t visible yet; it was still too early. But he liked to hold his hand on his belly anyway, to feel the heat of his hand sink into his skin, hopefully reaching the developing pup inside him.

He was alone, for now, but as he well knew, he wasn't _really_ alone. As usual, Dean's wolf was about, and he had recently found out that the clan was very protective of their new heir as well. Wherever Castiel went, there were always totems watching over him: trailing after him or literally hovering over him. Some were discreet, others were not. He had been a little embarrassed and annoyed at first, but after a long chat with Dean, he had finally accepted the fussing. He didn't believe he needed constant chaperoning or extra supervision from additional totems, but apparently it was a question of honor. Dean had flatly stated that he could whine all he wanted, but Northern stubbornness would override his anyway. Besides, his miscarriage had been devastating for the whole clan, not just for him and Dean, and the totems felt they needed to contribute.

Earlier in the morning, Castiel had had yet another long conversation with Pamela. The talks with the white-eyed alpha tended to leave him mentally exhausted, and this time had been no exception. He had a distinct feeling that there was something that the woman wasn't telling him, something fundamental, but he didn't have the energy to push it. Castiel sensed that Pamela wished him no harm, and he figured that the knowledge would come to him when it was meant to. There was too much to think about with the knowledge that he did have now, so why bother asking for more?

He was oh-so-slowly coming to terms with the fact that his miscarriage hadn't been his fault, although he was still stabbed with the guilt every now and then. Sometimes he woke up gasping with a phantom pain in his abdomen, frantically feeling the bed linens for the sticky tell of blood, and sobbed with relief when all he found was dry or sweat-dampened fabric. Those nights Dean held him close, spooning his bigger frame around Castiel, their joined hands pressing to Castiel's abdomen, and Dean's voice murmuring soft and calming words to his ear until he fell back asleep. Often they were joined by their totems, the ermine curled to Castiel's chest and the wolf to his side, after gently poking his abdomen and sending a sense of calm through their connection. Set snugly between his mate and their totems, Castiel felt safe.

Castiel stopped and gently rubbed his abdomen. He liked to think that he could envelope his pup in a blanket of love even before it was born. As such, he wasn't really paying any attention to his surroundings, and, perhaps for that reason, was taken completely by surprise, when hands clasped over his eyes and a rough voice whispered "Guess who?" against his ear. He froze for a moment in panic, gasping out a strangled cry, but didn't have enough time to properly react, when there was a grey blur of movement, and he was shoved aside.

Castiel fell forward and instinctively put his hands out in front of him, thus preventing his tummy from hitting the ground. He gasped in pain with the impact to his hands and small rocks bit into his knees. Something was happening behind him, but Castiel was too busy trying to clear his head and regain feeling in his hands and knees to actually care. Slowly, he eased himself to sit on his haunches and inspected the damages, relieved to see he had only bruises and that nothing was broken. He frowned at the strange tug in the bond and, to his bewilderment, felt it turn red. He tried to reach out for Dean but couldn't get through. Well, that was strange.

He heard a strangled sound from behind him and, with a pang, he remembered what had happened. Castiel turned sharply around and saw Dean's wolf pinning someone to the ground, teeth bared, and a vicious growl emanating from his throat. The totem was truly a magnificent sight, all coiled power and deadly intent. A shrill cry came from above, and Castiel glanced upwards to see Sam's owl plummet from the sky like a lethal white arrow and nail a red fox down by its throat with his sharp talons.

Wait — a red fox?

Castiel got to his feet and walked to the person lying on the ground. "Gabriel?" He asked, baffled. It truly was Gabriel, his beta brother. Here, in the North, in the meadow. With Castiel. He cocked his head and frowned, waiting for an explanation.

"Hi bro," his brother answered with a pained voice. He tried to move a little, but obviously thought the better of it when Dean's wolf growled, pointing out that the intruder was on a very thin ice.

Castiel sighed and shook his head. Trust Gabriel to blunder into the castle region without informing them in advance. Castiel moved to stand right beside the wolf and reached his hand to stroke the wolf's neck. The wolf went silent, turned his head, and licked Castiel's hand once as a reassurement. Castiel saw Gabriel's eyes bulge.

"Say 'hi' to my mate's totem," he said mildly and continued petting the wolf's muzzle.

"Hi," Gabriel croaked weakly, pointedly avoiding the wolf's gaze. "Would you mind?"

Castiel cocked his head. "No, but they would," he quipped cheerfully. "So I suggest you stay very still." Gabriel swallowed audibly and obeyed.

Castiel nodded satisfied, and then turned his gaze to the owl. "Sam, this is my brother Gabriel. He's an idiot, but I like him. I think you could let the fox go, but somehow I doubt you'll do what I ask." The owl blinked in response and stayed exactly where he was, although his talons eased from around the fox, if only by a fraction.

"Wha—  Why—" Gabriel sputtered, incapable of forming actual questions. Castiel's eyebrows rose, because it was very, very rare to render his brother speechless.

"The owl is the totem of my mate’s brother. Sam can see and hear everything through him, and he’s most likely passing the information on to Dean as we speak." He paused. "And he's going to be pissed, you know. Dean, I mean."

Gabriel snorted, which earned him a narrowed glare from the wolf still pinning him down. "If he's so concerned about you, he shouldn't have let you wander around alone. Not safe for an omega, _you know_."

Castiel smiled slightly and raised his brow. "Whatever made you think I was alone?" He asked, looking around pointedly. Gabriel followed his gaze, and his jaw dropped.

They were completely surrounded by totems, and there were several hovering above them, as well. Castiel had sensed them approaching, the clan ready to fight for their Laird and protect the future heir of the castle. He wasn't even a bit surprised by the lack of humans, since he was well familiar with the ways of the Northerners by now. Gabriel, on the other hand, was visibly shaken.

"But... there's only totems!" Gabriel sputtered.

"Yes," Castiel answered mildly, looking around them, proud and touched by the devotion the clan showed at him again.

"It's not natural!" Gabriel exclaimed.

Castiel dropped his eyes to Gabriel and gave him a wolfish grin. "Welcome to Grey Castle, Gabe."

 

* * *

 

When Dean had felt the flare of panic from Castiel, he had reacted on pure alpha instinct. He had never tried to send an order to anyone else than his wolf, didn't even know if it was possible, but fueled by his fear for his mate and pup, he had broadcasted as wide as he could.

_— PROTECT CASTIEL! —_

Alerted by Castiel’s distress, the wolf had been on the move even before he had the order out, and, a short while later, he had felt a flood of what could only be described as determined intent. Dean had swayed slightly on his feet and had been vaguely aware of shocked expressions of people around him, before he had shaken his head to clear it, and turned to rush off to Castiel, guided by their bond. He hadn't needed to look back to know that Sam had been right behind him.

Dean gritted his teeth together and focused solely on their bond, drawing strength from the fact that Castiel was alive. In pain, but alive.

"Dean! DEAN!" Sam called out, when they were already outside the castle and running towards the meadow where Dean felt Castiel was.

"WHAT?!" He yelled, angry at being distracted.

"He's okay. Castiel's okay. He's not in any danger," Sam panted, slowing down a little. "I saw it. They know each other — brothers, perhaps? I'm not sure, I was too worked up to listen properly."

Dean slowed his frantic run to a jog, and his fear gave way to fury. Someone had scared the shit out of his mate and, consequently, out of the whole clan, and he didn't give a damn if said person was Castiel's brother. Dean reached out to both his wolf and his mate and was grimly pleased to find out that Cas was alright. Agitated, but alright.

It didn't take them long to get to Castiel, and, when they did, they were greeted by a peculiar sight. Castiel was calmly standing beside a man who was pinned down by Dean's wolf, and Sam's owl was little on the side of them, holding down a fox by his throat. They were surrounded by a tight ring of totems, all alert and ready to spring into action.

When the totems sensed Dean and Sam approaching they parted, but closed their ranks immediately after they had passed through. Dean made a beeline to his mate and started scenting and stroking him, making sure he was alright. Castiel tried to tell him to stop, but soon fell silent, clearly understanding the need behind Dean's behavior. When the alpha was satisfied that his mate and pup were safe, Dean hugged Castiel tightly, burying his face into his neck, and let out a shuddering breath. Castiel wrapped his arms around his neck, encouraging Dean to breath in his scent. Dean inhaled deeply and let himself be calmed by the familiar scent of his pregnant mate.

"Excuse you," a voice called from behind him.

Dean whirled around to look at the wiry man, shoving Castiel behind him to shield him from the intruder. "Who the fuck are you, and why should I let you live?" He snarled and felt his wolf react to his aggression.

The man, a beta, narrowed his eyes. "I'm Gabriel and I'm Castiel's brother." He managed to make his tone imperious, which was quite an achievement, considering he was still pinned to the meadow floor by a massive wolf.

"That's hardly a valid argument." Dean stated. He felt amusement through their bond and glanced at Castiel, who had snuggled under his arm. "What do you want me to do with him?" He asked softly, brushing his mate's cheek.

Gabriel choked at the question. "You're asking him? You'd let your omega to decide?"

"Why shouldn't I?" Dean asked sharply. "He's my mate."

"Gabe, I recommend for you to shut up now." Castiel commented calmly from under Dean's arm and, surprisingly enough, the beta did.

Satisfied with the situation, Dean turned to Castiel. "Are you sure you're okay? Both of you?" He placed his hand gently to Castiel's abdomen, trying to sense the developing pup inside. From the corner of his eye he saw Gabriel turn into an interesting shade of green when he realized the meaning of the gesture. Jumping on a pregnant person was an exceptionally efficient way to get killed by their mate, especially if said mates were an alpha-omega pair.

Castiel touched Dean's cheek affectionately. "We're both fine. I was knocked on my hands and knees by your wolf, but I didn't land on my tummy. Some scratches, that's all, nothing's broken. Don't fuss."

Dean nodded once, tight-lipped, and turned to face the ring of totems. The ring was still tight and tense, the totems poised and ready. Behind the ring he saw a large group of their people, drawn by the distress of their totems and the call from their Lord. The humans were tense as well, and several carried makeshift weapons, like sticks, rocks or scythes. Dean felt his eyes blur and blinked hard to keep his vision clear.

"Your devotion and loyalty is noted and appreciated. We thank you. You can return to your humans, now,” Dean called with loud enough a voice to carry his words to the humans gathered behind the totems. The tight ring of totems started slowly to disperse, but Dean was surprised to notice that a large number of totems stayed near, hovering about. He was deeply touched by their dedication and readiness to lay down their lives to protect his mate and pup.

Then, a thought hit him and, as an experiment, he concentrated hard, centered his thoughts and feelings and sent out a heartfelt _— THANK YOU —_. A wave of dizziness nearly knocked him on his knees, and he heard both Castiel and Sam call out his name, but he brushed them aside, indicating he was alright. He shook his head to clear it, grinned, and looked at his mate. Then he was knocked on his knees, when a warm flood of pride, devotion, and and fierce love flushed over him and literally took his breath away.

"Dean?" Sam called hesitantly, his eyes wide. "Was that... you?"

Dean shook his head, unable to utter words. Castiel knelt in front of him, concern in his eyes, and cupped his face in his hands.

"Are you alright?" Castiel asked, and Dean nodded, still disoriented and gasping for air. He hadn't believed it would work, but it had. He had actually sent a message to his whole clan, twice, and received an answer, twice. It was unbelievable. He grinned widely, suddenly giddy, and laughed. Sam and Castiel shared a worried look, but didn't ask him anything. Just as well, since Dean seriously doubted he would be able to voice his experience just yet.

He climbed onto his rather unsteady feet and turned to look at Castiel's brother. He had to give the beta some credit: not everyone was able to look that indignant under a totem twice their weight with a mouth full of teeth, ready to take a bite. He nudged his wolf through their connection and told him to stand down. He was rewarded with a flat stare and a curled lip, and he rolled his eyes at the totem.

"Oh come on, fleabag, move aside. I want to talk to him and I'd rather do that with your breath a little further away." Dean's words were flippant, but the wolf sensed the true meaning behind them. With a final growl at the beta, the totem moved himself off and placed his massive trunk in front of Castiel. Dean saw his mate's lips twitch, but he said nothing and concentrated on petting the wolf's ears.

Dean turned his full attention to — Gabriel, wasn't it? The man was watching Castiel with a kind of horrified interest, and it took Dean a moment to understand it was because Castiel was touching the wolf. Castiel had grown so accustomed to petting him that Dean had difficulties to remember it hadn't always been so. To Gabriel, it was probably even stranger to witness.

He shrugged and offered his hand to help Gabriel up. The beta pursed his lips slightly and narrowed his eyes at him, as if pondering if the hand might somehow come loose and jump on him. Dean rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Take it or not, but make up your mind already. I've got better things to do than stand here waving my hand at you, okay?" Gabriel snorted and took Dean's hand, and the alpha helped him up.

"Whoa!" Dean blurted at Castiel, when Gabriel was at what seemed to be his full height. "Your brother's a midget."

”Yours is a giant," his mate answered mildly.

Dean cocked his head and shrugged. "Fair enough," he stated.

Sam made an indignant sound. "Gee, thanks Cas."

"You're welcome." Castiel offered with a pleasant smile, and Dean barked a laugh. "Serves you right, bitch," he grinned. Sam rolled his eyes so hard it must've hurt, but there was an affectionate smile playing on his lips. His owl had finally released Gabriel’s fox, hopped on his human’s arm and was grooming himself with a pointedly unimpressed air.

Gabriel watched them sharply, his gaze darting among them. He was a short, wiry man with almost golden eyes and the bearing of a much larger man. His eyes flicked to Dean and the alpha was quite sure that the beta was way too smart for his own good. But as there was nothing he could do about it at the moment, he decided to let it lie for now and to be a respectable host instead.

"How did you get here?" He asked. "I mean, do you have a horse or a carriage nearby that needs looking after?"

Gabriel shook his head. "Nope. I came via supply carts and cargo rides. Took me over a moon to get here, and it wasn’t pleasant. The last part was the easiest: I managed to get a ride from the town — Maple Falls, was it? — with a carriage bringing supplies to the castle. My fox must've felt Cassie's totem somewhere around here, and I jumped off to find him. Didn't exactly anticipate having my head nearly bitten off by a giant mutt and my totem attacked by a pigeon."

Dean raised his brows and heard Castiel sigh in exasperation, like he was used to his brother's language. Before Dean had chance to say anything, Sam cut in.

"If you possessed even a marginal amount of reason and good sense, you probably would have figured out that jumping a mated omega on their alpha's territory wasn't the brightest of ideas." Sam's voice had hard edges on it, and Dean turned a surprised eye on him.

"You sure are tall," the beta grinned. "Getting dizzy up there?"

Sam tilted his head. "Not very. Can you smell anything with the grass poking you in the nose?"

Gabriel chuckled. "I like you," he quipped and winked.

"I'm shocked." Sam deadpanned and turned his attention to his owl, but not before Dean had seen a flicker of something in his brother's eyes. Interesting. He looked at Castiel and saw his reaction mirrored on his mate's face. Dean smirked. This might turn out to be fun.

 

* * *

 

"So, that's your alpha?"

"Yes," was all Castiel answered. Let Gabe stew in his curiosity for a while.

They walked slowly back to the castle, their totems chasing each other around them, happy with their reunion. Sam had already gone on his way, muttering something about archives, but his owl stayed behind to circle lazily overhead. Dean walked slightly to Castiel's left, far enough to give him and Gabe some privacy, but near enough to be able to step in, if necessary. Needless to say, the wolf padded between the brothers, his stance almost-relaxed, but Castiel knew better. The totem was ready to act in a flash, if he felt that Castiel was in any danger. Several other totems hung around, keeping an eye on things.

"He seems a bit possessive."

"Well, you did jump on me, Gabe. Not a smart thing to do to a pregnant omega."

"How was I supposed know that?" His brother's pout was quite dramatic and totally fake.

"Would it have stopped you, had you known?"

"Um. No," Gabriel grinned and Castiel rolled his eyes at him. Gabriel was... Gabriel. A beta who wanted to pretend at being a carefree man: unattached, untouchable, unperturbed. But Castiel knew better; underneath that brash, loud and obnoxious layer was a deeply intelligent and cunning man, who was also very, very lonely. Castiel had been the only one to whom Gabe had actually talked to, although he still had been a little too obviously condescending about his status as an omega.

They walked in a companionable silence, Castiel still enjoying the warmth of the day and Gabe glancing around, intrigued and interested in everything he saw. There was traffic around the castle, and Castiel greeted the castlefolk like he was used doing. He noticed Gabriel was staring, baffled, when Castiel chatted with their people, exchanging pleasantries and answering the questions he knew answers to, and referring them to Dean when he didn't.

The closer they got to the castle, the more people they met. When they nearly collided with a bunch of pups roughly four summers old, they were greeted with squeals of laughter and yells demanding Dean lift them to his shoulders. Castiel wasn't sure which he found more entertaining: his mate swirling pups around with a bright grin, or his brother staring at the scene with slack-jawed bewilderment. He decided that his mate was more adorable, but his brother was definitely more amusing.

"He's different, isn't he?" Gabe asked, when he was able to pull himself together.

"From whom? If you mean Michael, I'd say everyone is different from Michael." Castiel commented dryly.

Gabriel nodded. "True," he agreed, still watching Dean play with the pups. "Are you happy here, Cassie?" He asked after a while, not meeting his brother's eyes.

Castiel turned to regard him with a slight frown. "Why are you here, exactly?"

Gabe glanced at him swiftly from the corner of his eye, a mere flicker of his eyes. "Can't I just want to visit my bro?" He asked, his voice just a bit too light. Castiel didn't say anything, but waited with a raised brow. After a moment Gabriel deflated minutely and rubbed his hand across his face. "I'm on the run," he sighed.

Castiel stopped and turned to fully face his brother. Dean's wolf whipped around and poised himself between them, intently assessing the situation. Satisfied that no immediate action was required, the totem lay down into a deceptively disinterested-looking curl. Dean halted as well, hovering just out of earshot, his question filtering over their bond. Castiel sent him his reassurance, and Dean settled back to play with the pups. He kept himself near, though, and Castiel smiled. The alpha couldn't help himself, not that Castiel would even want him to.

"On the run. Really, Gabe? _You?"_

His brother winced. "Well, yeah."

"From whom? And what?"

"Who do you think? From Michael, obviously."

Castiel's brows shot upwards. "What's he done now?"

"He's decided that I should be bonded." Gabriel said flatly.

Castiel stared and then erupted into giggles. "You? Bonded? You?"

"Hey!" His brother's tone was offended, but his eyes sparkled. "He got this wondrous idea that we all should be respectably bonded and mated, whether we wanted it or not." He smirked at Castiel, who shrugged. "Now that you're out of the way and not... blemishing the family name, he's received more tempting offers for himself and me. He's already set his eyes on some well-bred omega for himself, Hesta or something like that. I didn't actually pay attention to it. They're going to bond soon, I think. Anyway, now that I'm the last one left, big bro's gonna mate me off as well."

"Last one left?" Castiel frowned. "What about Abner?"

"What? Oh right, you wouldn't know, would you." Gabriel's grin was dirty. "He's bonded alright. To a beta. A man."

Castiel's eyes widened. "Oh," he breathed. "Well. That was unexpected, I suppose."

Gabriel shrugged. "Not really, no. Of course, you wouldn't have been told as you are a 'delicate omega' —" Castiel snorted, "— but I have known about their relationship for years. Our brother, on the other hand, didn't know until he tried to mate Abe off to some beta woman, and Abe was forced to actually bond with his bloke to avoid it. Michael threw a fit when he found out, as you can imagine."

Oh, Castiel could.

Michael was a shining example of a traditionalist alpha, who believed that alphas were the crown of society, the ultimate leaders of people and family, and the ones to decide the fates of the people around him. To him, betas were free work labour to order around, while omegas were property to mate and breed, pretty objects to dress up and admire, and otherwise to be left alone with their stories and embroideries. Legally, all genders had been free to bond with whomever they wanted for decades now, but Michael had never accepted any diversion from ’the natural order' as he put it. The knowledge of his own brother to be bonded to a male beta must have truly shaken him.

"Anyway," Gabriel continued, "He'd got this beta woman all ready and almost signed off, and he decided I should bond with her." He shuddered, and his lips curled like he smelled something foul. "The following day, I ran." He turned and continued walking towards the castle, even slower than before.

Castiel didn't follow him. "Why?"

"Why what? Why not bond?" The beta snorted and turned to glare at him. ”Who'd want to bond with me? And, more importantly, why the hell would I want to bond with anyone — especially with someone of Michael's choosing?"

Castiel narrowed his eyes at his brother. Something was amiss: Gabriel's stance was slightly off, his tone almost too calculated, and his eyes subdued. He was hiding something. He cocked his head, stared at his brother and waited. Gabriel set his jaw and stared back, but Castiel had played this game many times, and he knew who would win.

After a moment Gabriel averted his eyes and sighed. "I don't want to bond with a female, and I definitely don't want an omega." Castiel gave him a flat glare and Gabriel rolled his eyes. "It's not a gender issue, you moron. I don't want pups. It's not that I don't especially like them, I just don't want any of my own. I'd be a crappy parent, and, honestly, I don't want to be tied down with a family."

Castiel pursed his lips. At least Gabriel was honest, and Castiel was not even a bit surprised by his admission, neither aspect of it. He had long known that his brother liked beta males, and Gabriel's slight disdain towards pups had always been quite visible. He took a glance at his abdomen and wondered what his brother thought of his forthcoming unclehood.

"Cassie," his brother tsk-ed and shook his head. "No matter what I think about pups in general, I'm going to love this one, because it's yours."

Castiel felt his cheeks warm with embarrassment. Of course he should've known that. Gabriel was a free spirit in many ways, but despite his views and manners, he had always had a soft spot for Castiel. He smiled at Gabriel and hooked his arm with his. "I'm happy to see you," Castiel sighed when they resumed their walk towards the castle.

∞

Sam had most likely warned Ellen, since she was waiting for them at the courtyard, and Castiel felt Gabriel stiffen under her intense scrutiny. Her lynx stalked over to stare Gabe's fox down and wasn't satisfied until the totem slunk behind his human. Gabriel fared better with Ellen, but only a little. Castiel was quite amused by the wordless encounter, but he remembered all too well how intimidating Ellen had been before he had gotten to know her. Castiel felt a little sorry for Gabe: his brother was going to have a hard time around the castlefolk for some time, having attacked the mate and heir of their Lord.

Finally, Ellen narrowed her eyes and pressed her lips into a tight line. "Castiel will show you to your chambers. Don't wander around during the night,"

Gabriel smirked. "Lest I get lost?" He quipped.

"Lest you get killed." Ellen stated bluntly. Gabriel huffed a laugh, but it died quickly when he realized she wasn't joking. "Second floor, third on the left," Ellen said to Castiel and stomped off.

Gabriel blinked several times and turned to look at Castiel with a slightly bewildered gleam in his eyes. Castiel shrugged and led his brother to his appointed chambers. He gave a superficial introduction of the castle and its daily routines during their walk, although he seriously doubted Gabriel was actually interested.

Gabriel's chambers were small and sparsely furnished. They were a lot smaller and more modest compared to his own in their family home, but after a moon on the road Castiel was pretty sure Gabriel was more than content with them. There was a tray with cold food and a pitcher of watered wine for Gabriel and Pamela's tea for Castiel waiting for them, as well as a set of spare clothes. Gabriel had had no trunks with him, only a small bag that held his essentials and some spare coins. He had truly left in a hurry.

Once Gabriel had had a quick wash-up and changed into clean clothes, they sat at the small table and shared a light lunch. Their totems rested in an intertwined white-and-red heap while Dean's wolf positioned himself at Castiel's feet. Gabriel raised his brows at the sight but said nothing about it.

"This place must be boring during the winter."

Castiel frowned. "Why?"

"Nearly every female we came across was pregnant." Gabriel smirked. "Must be awfully few options to spend the time."

Castiel hadn't paid any attention to it, but now that Gabriel pointed it out, he wondered how he had missed the increased pregnancy rate. Probably because he had been so wrapped up in his own pregnancy to notice anyone else's. He should ask Dean about it.

"But it's a rather nice way to spend the time," he smiled shyly and was rewarded with a chuckle.

They ate in easy silence, and only after they were done, Gabriel gave Castiel a sharp look.

"They are awfully protective of you. Are you sure you're happy here?" He demanded.

Castiel put his cup down. He had been waiting for the questions and wasn't at all offended by his brother's bluntness, although he wasn't' that sure Gabriel was in any position to actually demand explanations of him.

"About the latter: yes, I am happy. Probably more happy than I ever thought I could be," he smiled and sent a burst of affection through the bond to Dean. Instantly he was answered with a flood of love, and his smile deepened.

"Yeah, obviously." Gabriel rolled his eyes, but his tone was fond.

"About the former..." He hesitated slightly and felt Gabriel become more alert and, consequently, the wolf tensed as well. "Oh stop that, both of you," he snapped, glaring at Gabriel and tugging the wolf by the ear. The wolf whined petulantly and lay down to sulk.

Gabriel stared at them. "Okay. Explain, please. How the hell is your alpha's totem here with you, and why do you treat him like he's yours?"

Castiel winced. "It's because he's actually mine as well."

His brother's face went totally blank. "Come again?"

Castiel drew breath and braced himself. "He connected himself to me the night I and Dean bonded. He's both mine and Dean's. Don't ask why or how." He went on and told Gabriel everything that had happened to him: his first pregnancy; miscarriage; his attempt to take his own life; and his slow recovery back to life. He considered briefly whether to tell Gabriel about his thoughts regarding the reason for his miscarriage, but decided he wasn't ready. Conversations with Pamela had helped him to come terms with himself, but he wasn't ready to share it with his brother yet.

When he finished, Gabriel sat very, very still, a stricken look on his face. He opened his mouth to speak, swallowed, blinked several times and then drowned a cup of wine before he attempted to speak again.

"I — Heavens, I'm so sorry, Cassie. I had no idea." Gabriel stammered hoarsely. "Are you alright now?"

Castiel nodded and smiled. "I'm still going through it all, but with Dean and Pamela, I'm getting better."

"So he's treating you right? He's a good alpha?"

"Yes, he is,” Castiel said softly. "More than good, better than what I deserve. He believes I'm his true mate," he added wonderingly.

"Really?" Gabriel perked with interest. "I thought true mates were a myth."

Castiel shrugged. "Lots of things are different in the North."

"I've noticed," his brother agreed, face pensive. They sat in silence for a while.

"So, you like Sam?" Castiel teased, changing the subject.

"Who?" Gabriel asked.

"Don't try that with me. Sam, Dean's little brother? The one with the owl? Tall, handsome guy?"

"Oh, that one." Gabriel brushed a nonexistent flake of dust from his shirt and sniffed. "Terribly dull, very young and impossibly serious."

"Sure. Whatever you say," Castiel grinned and laughed at his brother's haughty expression.

 

* * *

 

"Interesting guy, Castiel's brother." Dean mused and glanced at his brother from the corner of his eyes.

”Hm," Sam commented, seemingly absorbed in his reading. They were in the library, Sam trying to do some research about their shaman ancestors and Dean mainly killing time, picking at Sam, and waiting for Castiel to be finished with his brother. He wasn't concerned about his mate, not after he had checked that his wolf was at ease and Castiel had sent his feelings through their bond. He monitored them both, though, just to be on the safe side. Castiel was his pregnant omega, after all.

But Dean was bored and Sam was _right there._

"He seemed to like you," he said innocently.

That got a reaction. Sam lifted his head from his book and frowned. "What?"

"Maybe finally some _loving time_ for my Sammy," Dean grinned and wiggled his brows at Sam.

Sam rolled his eyes and snorted. "As if. He was rude, obnoxious, and infuriating. And he's at least a decade older than me."

"Age is just numbers, brother dear." Dean said sweetly.

"Easy for you to say. You're the older one and Cas is, what, five summers younger?"

"Seven, actually. But it doesn't feel like it. Sometimes it's like he's the older one."

"It's just because you're an infantile jerk."

"Thanks bitch,” Dean huffed and shoved his brother nearly off of his chair. They ended up in a brotherly wrestling match that was interrupted by Ellen's not-so-subtle cough.

"Very elegant, boys." She said when the brothers scrambled up from the floor. They grinned sheepishly, and Ellen only shook her head in mock exasperation.

"Dean, a message came from Matron Mills. The midwife has arrived."

The alpha frowned. "Already? But there's no need for her for some time yet, is there?"

Ellen shrugged. "I don't know, honey. She was contacted by Pamela, and I have no idea when Pamela thinks is the best time. Matron Mills just informed us that the midwife will be staying there for the night and start for here early in the morning."

"Okay," Dean said. "Does she — he —?" He stopped and looked inquiringly at Ellen.

"She," the beta said. "Midwife Moseley."

She handed Dean the piece of paper, and the alpha took it, smoothing it against the table surface. Dean nodded at the sparse lines scribbled across the paper. "Okay. She leaves tomorrow morning and doesn't need an escort to meet her halfway here." He lifted his eyes to meet his brother's and Sam nodded. Needless to say that he would be monitoring everything through his owl's eyes, and Dean gave him a warm smile.

"How's our new guest doing?" Ellen asked, a healthy slice of suspicion in her voice.

"Fine, I'd guess." Dean answered. "He's still with Castiel, probably catching up." Dean paused momentarily and checked the bond. Everything felt alright and he sent warmth to his mate.

"Hopefully he'll behave," Ellen sniffed haughtily.

"My wolf's there to watch over Cas, and if his brother somehow got past him, he would be facing you next. The man might be an obnoxious idiot, but I don't think he's stupid enough to cross you."

Ellen narrowed her eyes at Dean's tone, but the corner of her lip tugged. "We shall see," she said and turned to leave. "I'll be off then."

"Say hi to Bobby." Dean quipped and chuckled when Ellen shook her finger at him before she left.

Sam's smile was amused. "Sometimes I'm not sure if you are incredibly brave or incredibly stupid."

"Stupidly brave?"

Sam nodded. "Probably. Most likely."

Dean grinned and smoothed the little piece of paper with his thumb.

"Midwife. Huh." His throat felt dry and he swallowed. "Why would Pamela call for a midwife this early? It's been only approximately three moons, and Cas isn't even showing yet. Does she think there's something wrong?" Dean was suddenly anxious and wanted his omega near him, to hold him close and keep him safe.

Sam gripped his shoulder and squeezed it gently. "I don't think there's anything to worry about. I think Pamela wants to make sure everything is ready and set, and rather be too early than too late. And given Castiel's previous experience, I think she just wants to play it safe. But I'll find her for you, and you can ask her yourself. Okay?"

Dean closed his eyes and breathed deeply to calm himself. "Okay," he agreed. "Thanks, Sammy."

His brother gave his shoulder another squeeze and smiled. "Anytime."

∞

Midwife Moseley was an intimidating omega with a sharp tongue and sharper eyes, and an ocelot as a totem. Castiel fell in love with her as soon as he laid eyes on her, which made Dean jealous. For his part, the alpha was set on edge: he was terrified, cowed, and protective all at once, and completely at loss of what to do. He was genuinely wary of the midwife (Missouri, as Castiel called her), but hated to leave his mate alone with her. So he ended up hovering nearby, which Sam found both cute and amusing. Dean was not amused.

Missouri lectured them both on proper diet, exercise, relaxation techniques, whether or not Dean was allowed to mount and/or knot his omega during the pregnancy, and the best positions for them to use during mating. While Dean sat still, his face furiously red, Castiel bit his lip to prevent himself from laughing out loud, as Missouri went through the different positions in explicit detail. He was certain his wolf had never been so thoroughly entertained, but Dean was not amused.

The only time when Dean _was_ amused, though, was when Gabriel commented something obnoxious about Castiel's future stretch marks and received a stinging lecture from Missouri and eventually fled the room.

Later, Dean had tried to confront Pamela about her decision to call in Missouri this early, but Pamela had narrowed her eyes at Dean, who had absolutely _not_ been cowed and had _not_ found something very urgent to do on the other side of the castle compound. He never got the answer to his question, which didn't surprise him at all. Sometimes he was sure that the Heavens clearly had something against him, what with all these intimidating women terrorizing him.

As weeks went by, Castiel's abdomen started to swell. Four moons after his heat, his belly was clearly rounded, and Dean was pretty sure that it was bigger than the last time. He didn’t mention it though, since Castiel felt self-conscious enough about his figure already. Dean thought he looked even more radiant and beautiful than before, but Castiel had hard time believing it. Of course, the fact that he still vomited several times a day might have affected his opinion somewhat.

Missouri settled in with no-nonsense professionalism, and proceeded to terrorize everyone into their best behavior. The only person she couldn't ruffle was Bobby, and that was only because Ellen had stepped in. The two women, both equal forces of nature, had had a staring contest that had everyone around them nervous, but at the end they had nodded and smiled, obviously reaching an understanding. Missouri hadn't tried to coax Bobby into anything after that, and Ellen had taken a habit of offering her tea and cake every day. Their totems occupied the floor of the kitchen and combined their efforts in trying to trip as many passers-by as they could.

While Missouri’s main focus was Castiel, she also had her hands full with the other pregnant females. Dean had to admit that Pamela had been quite smart to ask for Missouri early on, what with the majority of the clan's females also pregnant. When Missouri had realized the sheer number of pregnancies, she had raised her brows and murmured under her breath something along the lines of bunnies and too few hobbies during wintertime. Dean pretended he didn't hear her, but he didn't actually care, as long as the midwife did her job.

Because Missouri had a _job_ in Grey Castle. It wasn't common for a Lord to provide his people with a midwife, because usually the pregnancies and deliveries in their clan were handled by family members. But this year the pregnancy rate was so high that Dean felt more comfortable providing them a professional to help. He had, therefore, offered Missouri a place to stay and decent enough compensation for her time and efforts. Her first and foremost duty was to Castiel, but, aside from him, she was free to do as she liked.

When she informed Dean that she needed a room to work, Dean provided her chambers without question. Missouri out sent a message that she would like to meet every pregnant woman at some point, to examine them and make sure everything was alright. First-timers were relieved to see her, while the others were a bit more reserved. Missouri didn't actually care what they thought, and treated everyone exactly the same, regardless of the age or number of pups. She pointed out that the responsibility and freedom to choose was their own, but to get into trouble because of their stubbornness was just stupid. Dean was interested to see that practically all of the pregnant females ended up seeing Missouri at some point. She was a very persuasive lady.

 

* * *

 

Four moons along, and he was already enormous. Castiel stared at his abdomen, frowned, and poked his belly.

"Don't poke, you'll scare the pup,” Dean commented, far too amused for the time of the day. It was early morning and the sun was already up. Castiel had vomited only once that day, which was a vast improvement compared to the last few weeks. He was sitting on their bed and Dean was laying at his side, with one hand under his head and gently stroking Castiel's hip under his tunic with the other. Their totems were curled in a heap on the floor, Castiel's ermine sprawled over the wolf.

"As if it could feel anything yet,” Castiel snorted and poked again, just to spite his alpha. Dean narrowed his eyes slightly. Castiel smirked and poked again.

"Cas..." The alpha growled warningly. "Don't poke my pup."

"Your pup?"

"My pup,” Dean rumbled and wormed his way to sit behind his omega. "My omega," he said and placed his hands around Castiel, splaying his fingers on his abdomen. Castiel closed his eyes, leaned back and rested his head on Dean's shoulder. He felt warm and safe in his mate's arms, their bond pulsing around them.

"I think I'm bigger than the last time," he said after a moment. He felt Dean shrug.

"So what? I think you are beautiful anyway," his mate stated and kissed his neck.

Castiel huffed with frustration. "How can you say that? I'm not even halfway there and I'm already this big. The longer this goes on, the bigger I'll get, with stretch marks and swollen feet to boot." He knew he was whining but he couldn't help himself.

Dean chuckled, but when Castiel turned his head to glare at him, his grin faltered. "You are serious, aren't you?"

Castiel dropped his gaze, feeling suddenly stupid, like the needy omega he didn't want to be.

He felt Dean breathe in deeply a couple of times. "I don't know how to say this to make you truly understand." Dean's voice was soft and he rubbed gentle circles onto Castiel's belly while he spoke. "To me, you are beautiful, Cas, belly or no belly. You are the most gorgeous person I've ever met, and the fact that you are carrying our pup inside you — that makes you even more gorgeous. Your swollen feet or your stretch marks don't mean a thing to me, other than that they are another visible sign of your ability to create life." He kissed Castiel's neck again. "You are my mate, you are carrying my pup, and I love you." He turned Castiel's head a little to reach his lips and gave him a long, lingering, and passionate kiss.

Castiel felt heat pooling in his gut and Dean's arousal press against his behind. He moaned softly and felt more than heard Dean's answer with a soft growl, as the alpha leaned back and gently turned Castiel to lie on top of him.

"I'm glad to see you're not pressing your weight on your mate and pup, although it wouldn't cause any damage yet, even if you did."

Castiel blushed furiously and scrambled away from Dean's chest to look at a _very_ smug and amused Missouri. She tilted her head and raised her brow approvingly. "But I'm glad you are into each other. Continuing intimacy and knotting throughout the pregnancy improves the health of both the carrier and the pup. After your examination you can carry on with your activities as you like."

"Examination? What examination?" Dean raised his head from under the pillow he had ducked under and squinted suspiciously at Missouri. "I thought you had had your weekly examination already."

"Well, maybe an examination was a misleading term. It's more like a test," Missouri smiled.

Dean narrowed his eyes and Castiel didn't need the input of their bond to know Dean was not even a bit less suspicious. "What kind of a test?"

Missouri waved her hand dismissively at Dean. "Shush now, alpha. Castiel, lie down, please, and raise your tunic."

Castiel obliged, intrigued. Missouri produced a small horn-like cylinder from one of her pockets and placed it on the bed beside Castiel. She then proceeded to palpate Castiel's abdomen with sure, professional hands. When Castiel winced a little at the discomfort at his pubic bone, Dean was instantly alert and ready to interfere, but Castiel merely grabbed his hand and squeezed it, comforting his mate. Dean had not been present in his examinations because he wanted to give Castiel his privacy, and he was, therefore, unfamiliar with Missouri's routine.

But this was something new, because Castiel had never seen the horn before. Missouri picked it and placed its wider end firmly on Castiel's abdomen, and then pressed her ear to the other end and let go of it. She repeated the motions several times, changing places and the pressure. Castiel blinked and turned to share a perplexed look with Dean.

Then Missouri huffed, "Ha!" and raised triumphant eyes to Castiel. "Steady heartbeat, right here."

Castiel gasped and heard Dean breathe in sharply as well. He couldn't spare a glance at his alpha though, but kept his eyes locked with Missouri's. "You can hear it?" He asked, his voice hoarse and hopeful.

"Oh yes." Missouri nodded with a smile and shifted her eyes to Dean. "Would you like to listen?"

Castiel looked at Dean, who had an expression of complete wonder on his face. "May I?" The alpha asked hesitantly, his eyes darting between Missouri and Castiel. Castiel smiled and squeezed his hand. "If you want to."

Dean nearly toppled over in his haste, but when he had to bend his ear to the horn, he hesitated slightly.

"Go on, alpha. Press your ear here and concentrate. It's very quiet, like a horse galloping in the distance." Missouri guided Dean and then let go. Dean had a frown on his face and his eyes were distant as he focused. Then his eyes grew wide and his whole face went slack with surprise.

"I can hear it. Cas, I can hear our pup!" Dean's voice was a reverent whisper, like he thought he would scare the pup away if he talked out loud. Castiel watched Dean, mapped every emotion that was on full display on his face, and felt a lump in his throat. That was his alpha, his mate, listening their pup's heart beating steadily inside Castiel.

Missouri let them be, until Dean gave a dismayed sound. "It moved," he grumbled, disappointed, and gave the horn back to Missouri. The midwife resumed her listening, but Castiel paid her no attention. Dean crawled in bed beside him and kissed his temple.

"I heard our pup," he whispered again, resting his forehead against Castiel's.

Castiel felt like his heart would burst with emotion. He brushed his alpha's cheek with his fingers, traced his jaw and dipped his hand to the nape of Dean's neck. "I know," he answered with a smile.

Dean lifted his head and looked solemnly at Castiel. "Our pup. It's inside of you."

Castiel stifled a laugh. "I know," he repeated with an amused smile. Dean's eyes were bright and moist, and it was more than obvious that the experience had affected him on profound level.

Missouri was still listening with her horn, changing between two spots. "Wait a minute..." She murmured. Her face was a picture of complete concentration for a while, and then her face split to a huge grin. "Thought so," she said smugly. "There's two."

Everything stopped.

"What?" Castiel asked faintly. Surely he had heard wrong, there's no way he was carrying twins, was there?

"Two different heartbeats from two different points. It would explain your excessive nausea and why you are this big already." Missouri pursed her lips thoughtfully. "This also means that you need to be under close supervision all the time. Omegas are meant to breed, but twins place a strain on the body, omega or not."

Castiel tried to wrap his head around the fact that there were two hearts beating inside him; two pups, two sets of hands and feet. He turned to his side, buried his face onto Dean's lap and whimpered softly. Dean was a little startled by his reaction, but said nothing, being overwhelmed himself. He held Castiel and stroked his hair, and Castiel focused on the sensation, grounding himself to his alpha, grateful for his calmness and presence. He heard Missouri gather her things and leave the room, to give them some privacy.

”Two," Castiel breathed.

"Yeah, two,” Dean answered.

"I'm going to die. Explode."

Dean huffed a soft laugh. "No, you’re not." He bent down to kiss the top of Castiel's head. "You'll be fine. We'll be fine. And we'll have the whole clan to help us."

Castiel kept his eyes shut and nodded, gripping Dean's shirt tightly. He trusted his mate, his new family, and their clan, but right now all he could do was to keep on breathing, with his alpha a solid rock beside him, grounding him.

∞

Sam was beside himself with joy when he heard he was going to be a double-uncle. Ellen started to fuss about food and drink while Bobby muttered something about idjits again, but Castiel was not fooled even a bit by the gruff alpha. When he had whispered to Bobby that he was going to be a double-grandpa, the steward had huffed and puffed, and excused himself, and when he had returned later, his eyes had been red-rimmed. They all decided to ignore it.

Gabriel had been Gabriel, making crude comments about Dean's virility that earned an eye-roll and a dramatic departure from Sam, of all people. Dean and Castiel had shared an amused look at the reaction, and Castiel made a mental note of discussing it later with Gabriel. There was something going on between Sam and Gabe, and Castiel was growing rather curious about it. Both betas were more than a little intelligent and clearly enjoyed their mutual snapping fests, although they tended to end up shouting at each other more often than not.

And the clan... If their people had been eager to watch over him before, they became almost zealous about it after Castiel's condition was known. Apart from his and Dean’s chambers he was never alone, and his needs were answered even before he knew he had them. It was endearing at first, but the longer it went on, the more it irritated Castiel. He would want to take a walk alone and in peace, but his solitude was always broken by aviating totems and interfering castlefolk. Sure, it was nice to have someone helping him to sit when he stopped, or to offer refreshments when the day was hot, but he started to feel more and more cornered.

"Couldn't you do something about it?" He complained one day, hating himself for the whining and the asking.

Dean glanced at him from his papers. "About what, exactly?"

"The clan! They won't let me be in peace. At all. Ever." He threw his hands in the air, knowing well how childish he sounded and not-at-all minding it.

"They just care about you a lot. We all do." Dean reminded him gently.

Castiel snorted. "Well, couldn't they care a little less obviously?" He wanted to throw himself to the bed, but his belly was too big to do it comfortably, and climbing in just wasn't as dramatic.

Dean put his papers down and regarded him for a moment, his eyes serious and calculating. Castiel knew that look: it meant that his alpha was thinking big and serious thoughts, probably about him. But right now he didn't want big and serious thoughts. He was irritable and hot and he wanted his alpha's attention and he wanted to be left alone. Oh, the joys of pregnancy, he thought flatly.

"Cas, remember when I told you that you are my true mate?"

Like he could forget. "Um, yes?" He answered, a bit tersely.

Dean gave him a fond eye roll before his face went serious again. "I think there's more to it," he said hesitantly.

"Oh," was all Castiel said. He propped himself to his elbows and cocked his head. "How so?"

Dean put his papers down and stood up. "Come with me, please.”

Castiel blinked and got up, grateful that Dean didn't try to help him. In a couple of moons he was going to be too big to move about on his own, but as long as he was able to do _anything_ by himself, he was going to. Dean had learned the hard way to not to coddle him, although sometimes the alpha had difficulties keeping track of his moods.

Actually, Castiel had difficulties keeping track of his moods as well.

Dean took his hand and led him through the corridors, their totems trailing behind them. Castiel was curious to see how his pregnancy would affect his ermine, but so far he had detected nothing. He would've liked to talk to someone about his pregnancy, someone else than Dean, Missouri or Pamela — a friend in a same situation than him. But Castiel didn't actually have friends, or at least not any pregnant ones. No matter how 'sassy' (as Dean called him) he was with his mate, Sam, Gabe, and occasionally Bobby and Ellen, Castiel was still quite shy and timid when meeting new people. He wasn't sure if the clan liked him because of _him_ or because of Dean and the pups. Usually he was more than content with the little circle of the people close to him, but sometimes he wondered.

He gave himself a mental shrug. No point wallowing when everything was basically alright. He sighed and Dean glanced curiously at him.

"Everything okay?" The alpha asked.

Castiel shrugged. "Yes, I think. Sometimes —." He stopped and bit his lip. Would Dean think he was ungrateful if he said he wanted to talk about his pregnancy with someone else than him? "It's just that sometimes I wish I had someone to talk to. About the pups. Someone who's also pregnant and as new to all this as I am," he said quietly.

Dean nodded. "I actually thought about it, but I didn't know how to bring it up."

"You are not offended?"

Dean looked at him and frowned. "Why would I be? I'm not an omega and, therefore, I have no idea what's it like to be pregnant." He shrugged. "I know that in this, I’ll never be enough. So if it eases your mind, please, feel free to talk to anyone you like." He paused. "As long as you let me know with whom you are talking," he added with a rueful smile.

"Okay." Castiel smiled back. He was relieved that Dean wasn't mad at him wanting someone else to talk to. At the same time, it didn't surprise him that his mate would want to know who he was spending time with. Dean couldn't help his alpha nature, after all.

They had reached the library, and for a moment Castiel wondered what they were doing there. Then he remembered that Dean had something he wanted to tell or show him. It had slipped his mind, while he had been preoccupied with other things. It had been happening more lately, and it was irritating. Missouri had told him that it was perfectly normal to be absent-minded during pregnancy, but it didn't mean Castiel was going to like it.

They stepped in and were greeted by the curious scene of Sam and Gabriel sitting very near each other, foreheads nearly touching. When they heard Castiel and Dean enter, they jerked apart, and Sam flushed and bounced off from his chair. Castiel glanced sideways at his alpha and they shared a grin. Definitely something.

"Hi bro!" Gabriel chimed. "What brings you here?"

Castiel turned to Dean, as he actually had no idea why they were in the library in the first place. Dean gave him a tight smile before he turned to speak to the betas. "I think it's time to have the talk now."

Sam and Gabriel shared a look. "You sure?" Sam asked, a slight frown on his face. Dean didn't answer, but gave his brother a level stare. "Okay," Sam said. "It's fine by me."

Castiel narrowed his eyes at his mate and their brothers. "Would someone please enlighten me? Seems like I'm the only one who doesn't know what's going on."

Dean pulled out a chair for him. "Sit down, Cas," he asked and pulled another chair for him to lift his legs up.

"So..." Dean glanced at Sam and Gabriel, seemingly a little loss of what to say. Sam came to help.

"So, Cas. We've been digging the archives about the info regarding our ancestors. We all know that Dean believes you to be true mates, and we think it's actually for real."

Castiel frowned. "But Pamela said that it's unlikely?" It came out as a question.

Sam smirked. "Pamela likes to give you something to think about and then lets you draw your own conclusions. She didn't exactly deny it, did she?" When Castiel shook his head, Sam nodded. "Yeah, thought so. Pamela probably thought that if she came clean right away we wouldn't take her seriously. She's got a lot more knowledge than all of us combined, but she doesn't give anything out too easily."

”Okay," Castiel said, not really knowing what they wanted to share with him.

"Yeah. Right. So, there's you, pregnant with twins; practically all mated and fertile females of our clan are pregnant as well; our livestock is thriving, and it already looks like we're going to have the harvest of a decade." Sam paused and rubbed his neck, glancing at Dean.

"I told Sam that I remembered something our mom had told me when I was little. It was something about true mates benefiting the whole clan." Dean drew a breath. "We believe that my wolf connected with you because he recognized you as my true mate. And we think that's also the reason why the totems were so ready to lay down their lives for you." He knelt in front of Castiel, who stared at his alpha in bewilderment, and took hold of his hands. "You are my true mate, Cas, but you are also the living life force of our land."

"What?" He asked weakly.

"Well, bro. It seems that your union with our charming alpha here has kicked the whole Grey Castle region into a full bloom of proliferation. Congratulations, you are a fertility symbol come to life." Gabriel's tone was mischievous, but his eyes were serious.

Castiel felt his head spin. "But — How —?"

Dean shrugged and looked briefly at Sam.

"We don't know," Sam said. "There's not that much in the archives, because our ancestors didn't record their history in writing. So a lot of it has been lost with time. We know that the majority of native Northerners are of shaman blood, which is obvious by the way we are connected to our totems.

"After your arrival and especially after..." Sam's voice trailed off and he looked uncomfortable.

"I tried to take my own life." Castiel concluded. "You can say it out loud, Sam. You saved my life, after all."

"Yeah, okay," Sam muttered and blinked. "Well, anyway, after that my connection with my owl got gradually stronger and I know I'm not the only one. And when you found out you were with pup and you had your panic attack, I felt you." Gabriel turned to look at Castiel sharply and Castiel shook his head minutely. They could talk about it later. Sam continued, oblivious to the exchange. "I don't know if it was because of our mutual connection to Dean or if you broadcasted your anxiety to everyone, but I felt it and I knew it was you.

"And when your brother arrived it was Dean who called all totems in arms, so to speak. It has never been done before, not that I know of, but then, we have no recorded data of an alpha’s totem connecting to their human's mate, either." Sam gave him a soft smile. "You seem to be the catalyst of many firsts, Cas."

His eyes darted from his mate to Sam and Gabriel before he dropped them to his lap, to his belly. It was... overwhelming. The knowledge was too much, too encompassing, the responsibility too great. He pressed his eyes shut and tried to control his breathing, grateful for Dean's hands that held to his own, grounding him. He heard shuffling steps and the closing of the door and guessed that Sam and Gabriel had left to give him and Dean privacy.

Dean didn't say anything, but waited patiently, holding his hands and gently rubbing his thumbs along Castiel's wrists.

"Why?" Castiel asked, when he had his thoughts under control once again. "Why did your father pick me?" He raised his head to look at his mate.

Dean blinked, genuinely confused. "I don't know. When he started the negotiations with your family, he had been gone for a while already. I had been standing in as the Lord for many summers, probably because my father couldn't bear to be here any longer than was absolutely necessary. I think the castle held too many painful memories for him to stay, and I can't blame him." The alpha stopped and looked away, blinking several times. When he turned his eyes back to Castiel's, the omega gasped at the raw emotion in them. "If I had lost you, I would've been lost too." Dean said. His voice was thick and Castiel couldn't stand it and kissed him, trying to convince his mate that he was never going to leave him.

When they parted, they were both breathless. Dean's eyes were dark and intense, and Castiel felt his whole body go warm under his gaze.

"I would like to take you to bed," his alpha murmured, and Castiel was more than eager to oblige.

 

* * *

 

"You have never told me about your father."

They were in bed, snugly spooning in post-mating bliss, Dean's knot still deep inside his omega. Castiel was warm in his arms and their combined scent enveloped them in a heady cocoon. Dean had his nose pressed into Castiel's neck, and he scented the tantalizing smell of his omega and pups, his hand circling lazily over Castiel's belly. He was mentally and physically sated and deeply content to be right there, with his mate.

"Dean?"

He grunted something unintelligible and heard Castiel huff a soft laugh. The omega shifted slightly and tugged his knot, which caused the alpha to gasp and shudder.

"Are you listening?"

"I'm now." Dean grumbled and nipped Castiel's neck. His mate arched his neck and Dean used the opportunity to pepper his skin with kisses.

"Your father," Castiel reminded him. "You actually never told me about him, and your narration was... interrupted."

"I didn't mind the interruption." Dean said somberly, and got an amused snort as an answer. He kissed Castiel's neck once more and then rested his head back onto the pillow. "I don't know what to tell you," he said after a moment of consideration. "My father lost the will to live after he lost my mother. Me and Sam, we were never quite enough to keep him here. He tried to do right by us, but..." His voice trailed away.

"I remember that he once said that my eyes were just like hers and that Sam's hair was the exact same shade of gold as mom's. It wasn't just the castle that was painful for him, it was us, too. Whenever he came back from wherever he had been, he would look at us and all I could see was his sorrow. It must have been hard, to come back and see the mirroring bits of your lost mate staring back at you.

"We were left to be raised by Ellen and Bobby, and, with time, they became more like a mom and dad to us than our real parents. But then, Sam had been too little to actually remember our mom at all, and the only father he knew was a broken shell of an alpha who visited us sometimes. But I remember bits and pieces: her laugh and scent, and her voice when she sung lullabies to Sam.

"And about dad... it's hard, sometimes. It would be so much easier to remember the bitter and tormented man he became and forget that person from long ago, when he was a laughing, happy alpha as well. I think that ever since I met you, I've come to understand him so much better." He stopped and curled his frame tighter around Castiel, needing the palpable proof that his mate was there with him, alive and well, their pups growing inside him. Castiel laced his fingers with Dean's and squeezed his hand reassuringly.

"I don't know how he found out about you. I didn't even know he was asking around until he informed me that he had found me a mate and that he would take care of the arrangements. He didn't see fit to tell me the details, and I was too busy with the repairs of the castle and everything else to give it much thought. I didn't even know you were a male omega before we got the message from Matron Mills at Maples Falls," he said, oozing embarrassment.

"Well, remember that I didn't know anything about you either." Castiel said dryly. "The marriage proposal was addressed to my mother, but everything was handled by Michael. I was property to be sent wherever Michael saw fit, and nobody deigned to ask my opinion about it."

"You are not property here, Cas." Dean said fiercely. "Your opinion counts as much as mine, often even more than mine does. And even if our contract might state you are mine, I'm equally yours. You know that." His knot had deflated and that allowed Castiel to turn around to face him.

"Yes, I know." Castiel’s eyes were soft and he sighed contently as he snuggled against Dean's chest and pressed his belly to Dean's stomach. He was still able to do it, but Dean suspected it wouldn't be long until it would be too uncomfortable for Castiel. He traced his hand along his omega's side and hip, amazed that he was allowed to have this, a mate and pups.

"I want to be a good alpha to you," he said quietly. "I want to be a better father than my own was. I want to be there. I want to be enough," he added with a thick voice.

Castiel raised his head a little and looked him appraisingly. "What makes you think that you aren’t enough?"

Dean averted his eyes and shrugged awkwardly with one shoulder.

Castiel sighed and ducked his head back into the hollow Dean's neck. "I will probably never understand why you think so little of yourself," he mumbled against Dean's skin. "I've seen you with your people, with adults and pups, totems and humans, and I've never doubted for a moment that you weren't enough. I know you are a good alpha, and know you'll be a good father."

"How can you be so sure?" Dean asked in wonder.

His mate kissed his neck. "You raised Sam, didn't you?"

Dean huffed. "Ellen and Bobby did."

Castiel tut-ted. "Dean, you know better than that. Ellen and Bobby may have provided food and security, but it was _you_ who brought him up, who taught him responsibility and the true meaning of what it is to be a part of the clan."

Dean opened and closed his mouth at that, trying to come up with a plausible retort but found none. And then he forgot everything when he felt something nudge against his abdomen. He froze and turned to look at Castiel with wide eyes.

"Was that —?"

Castiel smiled and nodded. "I've felt them for some time now. At first I thought I just had gas, but then I realized what it must be. I guess it's not common to feel them move this early, but Missouri said it's because there's two of them."

Dean nodded mutely and held his mate. There were no words left to say: nothing could describe how he felt. Instead, he let all his love flow freely through their bond and let him know how much he and the pups meant to Dean.

∞

Dean didn't like Castiel's new friend. She was a small, wiry, black-haired omega, expecting her first pup, and approximately as far along as Castiel. Her name was Megan and Castiel enjoyed her company: she made him laugh, called him Clarence for reasons totally unknown to Dean, and Dean loathed her. He also realized he was acting like a jealous idiot, and was smart enough to whine about it only to Sam. Sam laughed at his discomfort and told him to be a good alpha and suck it up. Dean's wolf seemed to share his human's distaste and snapped at Megan's barn swallow at every opportunity. The swallow didn't mind, but seemed to pick at the wolf on purpose. Dean thought that the totem and human were very much alike.

But Castiel liked Megan, and that was really all Dean cared about. Dean would've eaten a bucket of snails if it made his mate content, and suffering the snarky omega was a small price to pay for his Castiel's peace of mind. Megan's beta mate, Crowley, was only slightly more pleasant company, but he was a busy tradesman and spent a lot of time in Maple Falls. Castiel told Dean that Megan was actually really nice, and Dean recalled the bucket of snails and nodded.

Summer was already in full bloom and the Midnight Sun was upon them. Castiel thrived in the sunlight, but grudgingly admitted that the heat and pregnancy combined were more taxing than he had thought. Dean installed thick curtains in their bedchamber to keep the never-ending sunlight out and to help Castiel to sleep. Castiel was grateful, but informed his alpha that the further along in the pregnancy he was, the more difficult it became for him to sleep, period. He would nap an hour here and a couple of more there, and it really didn't matter whether the curtains were drawn or not.

Actually, Dean had often found his omega surprisingly sleeping in the meadow, shaded by trees, their wolf guarding him with several other totems hovering nearby. On one of those days, Dean wandered into the meadow, guided by their bond, to find his mate asleep on his side, his hand on his belly and a small smile on his face. Dean sat down, careful not to disturb Castiel's sleep. Castiel's ermine crawled onto his lap, and Dean stroked his soft fur while absently scratching his wolf by the ear. He leaned back on the birch and closed his eyes, enjoying the scents and sounds of the meadow. He might have dozed off if his wolf had not tensed under his hand. Instantly alert, he opened his eyes to see a brown bear standing beside his mate.

Dean's breath hitched. He hadn't seen that bear for years, but he would've recognized him anywhere. He was huge and powerful, but his eyes were sad and tired. He walked over to Dean, who raised his hand to brush his snout gently. The totem's breath was moist and warm against his skin and Dean felt a swell of memories of days long past. Castiel's ermine was wary on his lap, but sensed enough from Dean and the wolf not to alert his human. The bear scented the white totem carefully and gently, then greeted the wolf before turning to Castiel.

He looked at the sleeping omega for a long time, and Dean could read absolutely nothing from him. Finally the massive totem bent his head, scented Castiel's neck and swollen belly, before retreating. He turned his head to give Dean an approving gaze, and the sadness in his eyes softened slightly. Then the bear ducked his head in parting, turned, and walked slowly towards the woods across the meadow.

Dean stared long and hard after the totem, and only after it had disappeared, he blinked and let out a long breath. The whole encounter had had a dreamy quality about it, and the alpha couldn't honestly say whether he had been awake or dreaming. "Thank you," he whispered anyway, closed his eyes and sent his gratitude to wherever the bear was heading.

He never told anyone about the encounter; it felt too personal to share. It was his last meeting with his father's totem, after all.

∞

The Midwinter Feast was a long-standing tradition in Grey Castle, and important to the whole clan. When Ellen suggested a summer counterpart, a Midsummer Feast, she was greeted with reserved enthusiasm. They were already past the actual summer solstice, but Ellen didn't let it hinder her plans: she wanted a feast, and she was determined to have one.

Dean had tried to carefully explain her that Castiel was probably too tired with the pups to plan anything, not that Dean would have let him to take charge of the preparations. Ellen had rolled her eyes and shooed him away from the kitchen, imperiously informing the Lord of Grey Castle that she was perfectly able to put together a Midsummer feast without Castiel, thank you very much. Bobby had given him a pitying glance before fleeing the kitchen, but he hadn't gotten far before Ellen bullied him and Jo into gathering birch branches with which to decorate the hall and the courtyard. Dean had almost been able to hide his smirk, when the older alpha set to work with his proverbial tail between his legs.

With Ellen in charge of the overall preparations and menu, and Bobby and Jo handling the decorations, Sam and Gabriel were left with planning the event in the courtyard. After listening to their heated planning for two days in a row, Dean had a headache and he wasn't exactly sure whether they were having a feast or a funeral. The betas dove into their planning with a fervor that left Dean quite speechless, and he couldn't explain to Castiel whether it was because he was too amused or horrified.

When he almost walked in on his brother and Gabriel sharing a shy kiss a day before the feast, he grinned widely. The betas had finally gathered enough courage to actually act on their feelings, and Dean was happy for them both. But he was a big brother and an alpha, and he had an obligation to have a talk with Gabriel. He waited until Sam had left the hall and stalked in.

"So, you and Sam finally grew a pair," he smirked, crossing his arms across his chest.

Gabriel raised his brow. "Is this the moment when you give me the speech about breaking my legs if I break his heart?"

"Oh no, not at all. This is the moment when I tell you that if you break Sammy's heart, I'll hand you over to Ellen. Welcome to the family, Gabe." Dean winked and left, savoring the image of a paled Gabriel standing in the middle of the hall, a birch branch in his hand.

To the surprise of everyone else but said men, the feast was perfect. The weather was sunny but not too hot, Ellen had exceeded herself with the menu, and Bobby and Jo had been able to find the perfect birch branches for decoration. The castlefolk were having a good time eating, dancing, and telling stories, and Dean felt like everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be. His people were safe and happy, his brother seemed to have found someone special in his life, and his mate... Dean smiled when his eyes found Castiel. His beautiful mate was swirling around with Jo, Sam and Gabriel, his dark hair curled with sweat, blue eyes sparkling with laughter and his other hand supporting his swollen belly. Castiel was beautiful, he was happy, and he was Dean's.

The alpha treaded his way through the dancing crowd to his omega and swept him into his arms. "Someone has left a treasure unattended," he murmured into his ear.

"How convenient for you to show up then,” Castiel answered with a falsely demure voice, and Dean couldn't help but to kiss him right there, in the middle of the festivities. Castiel melted in his arms and Dean felt complete.

 

* * *

 

Ellen sat on a bench beside the castle wall, resting her legs and drinking mead. She was content to observe the festivities and happy to see that everything was going well. A ptarmigan flew in beside her, and her lynx glanced at the totem briefly, before resuming her curl in her sunny spot. Ellen cocked her head when she spotted Dean and Castiel kissing in the middle of the crowd, oblivious of the outside world, and she smiled.

Yes, everything was finally well in Grey Castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music for the Midsummer feast:  
> [Jean Sibelius: Karelia-suite, Op. 11: III Alla marcia](http://open.spotify.com/track/2IhBxr3ALj4ZeUnL33T2cI)
> 
> • The device Missouri's using is called a [Pinard horn](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pinard_horn), a fetoscope that's used to listening to the heart rate of a fetus. It can also be used to determine the position of the fetus. It's questionable whether the heartbeat could be heard through Pinard before the 20th week of pregnancy, so I'm bending the rules here a little. With a Doppler it's possible to hear the heartbeat as early as the 9th week, depending on the equipment.
> 
> • I know I said this work would be four chapters and a glossary. However, I'm making the glossary into an individual guide so that it's easier to update. Feel free to ask questions about this 'verse either in comments or via my [Tumblr](http://shipperslist.tumblr.com/ask).
> 
>  
> 
> _Thank you for reading!_


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